AIBU to rehome my dog

[MrsLuther19]

I am prepared to get totally flamed and maybe that's why I chose The Doghouse over AIBU as it would attract dog owners instead of general mumnetters. I'm considering rehoming my dog, or getting in touch with a shelter to rehome as they can do the proper vetting and follow up visits. I've found a good one that looks trustworthy but I'm still having the dilemma of whether I can or should do this.

I have a DS 1y/o and expecting a second. I've had a dog for 7 years but it has been increasingly difficult to manage her with DS1. When he was a baby, it was much easier as he was mainly in my arms. As he's started to go on the floor, it's been hard keeping the dog off his blanket (which goes down to prevent DS going on a rug that has the dog walk all over it and vomit on etc). I've hod to lock the dog in the kitchen diner if I've had to take DS up for a nap as the dog can't leave DS's toys alone and they end up destroyed (it's impossible to put everything away everytime I have to leave the room). I feel like the dog is getting the short end of the stick with being locked up in a different room when i have to go upstairs. Plus the dog is really hyper so when we have guests, the dog has to be locked away again as a hyper dog and a young child doesn't mix well, especially when guests bring young children round.

Essentially I feel like I'm neglecting the dog in order to take care of my DS. I'm worried about how I can continue to manage this when I have a toddler and a baby without the dog being increasingly put out. I would never leave DS with the dog alone, no matter how the dog has never threatened DS or anything, I think (for me) it would be irresponsible to do so (no judgement on those with dogs who do leave them with their children!). It taken me three attempts to get DS down for his nap and I had to lock the dog up in the kitchen as all DS's toys were strewn across the living room, the dogs been jumping at the door and I've felt myself increasingly frustrated cos it's so loud while i'm trying to get DS down,

in addition to this, I got the dog before I had children and at a time I had significantly more disposable income. I use a dog walker as me and DH are out of the house for 10 hours/day. The total outgoings for the dog walker, food, insurance is roughly half our mortgage costs. I think of what this could buy for our DS (and future child), or even going towards future nursery fees.

I just don't know what to do for the best. DH says it was my dog before we were married but is concerned about what kind of home the dog may end up in, which is obviously a concern for me too, But i'm worried that managing the dog around 2 very young children is going to get increasingly difficult and if we can;t give her the attention required, we ought to give the chance of the dog having a loving home (but we can't obviously be sure of that happening...)

If you've made it this far, thank you! WWYD? I'm prepared for people to be completely honest and take on board opinions. I appreciate some people may say I shouldn't have got a dog in the first place if i was going to rehome her, I would agree with that but this is where I am now.

What breed is she?

I think there are other methods to try before rehoming but the good news is that she's not aggressive from what you say?

It's a Staffy. Staffys crave human companionship. Leaving her alone for 10hrs per day midweek (even with a dog walker coming in once) is going to drive a host of unwanted and detrimental behaviours.

The good news is that Staffys are very quick to accept new circumstances, if she was able to find another home she'd accept new owners. The bad news is that there are already a lot of Staffys looking for new homes.

I think you need to make a decision sooner rather than later. This kind of emotional neglect (it is what it is) is too often the preface to another Staffy tragedy. The dog doesn't know what it's doing wrong to be punished by being denied human contact (left alone, locked up). It is not going to be a mentally healthy dog if this keeps up. She'll get increasing frustrated and a frustrated Staffy doesn't know their own strength - they just know that up to know they haven't yet down enough to earn your love so they'll keep upping the effort.

Speak to your vet, speak to local shelters. But don't drag this on too long else you risk creating another tabloid headline. And it won't be the dog's fault.

SBT are people dogs and get very bad separation anxiety. You should have never gotten one with a full time job and it's so sad she has to be regimes now as they love children, if you take the time to integrate them properly.

I really feel for this little pooch who has done nothing wrong.

No comment on the situation here but to give you an idea of balancing full time work with a dog: both me and my DH work full time and commute, but he works from home 2 days a week, I do 1, and then his parents take on Tuesdays and Thursdays (they agreed to this before we got the dog), in future we may also use a walker/daycare on Thursday to add to overall enrichment and socialisation.

In addition to the suggestions above I think a couple of practical changes could help you.

Get rid of the dirty rug and replace with some hard flooring that can be disinfected properly if there is a vomit/toileting accident. That way you don't have to try to keep the dog off the DC blanket. If you do want an entirely dog free area get a play pen or fence off a corner of the living room with a room divider. Get a large plastic trunk and throw all the toys in there, it takes a few seconds to do this and they won't be available for the dog to chew. Get loads and loads of chews, bones and similar toys for your dog to chew and be distracted. Throw a few on the floor for your dog as you take your DS upstairs. Experiment with different ones and you will find some that will occupy the dog for hours. Mental stimulation is also important. It is possible to have DS playing in one corner and the dog doing training for treats at the other side of the living room with you in the middle dealing with both.

I feel for you, it must be a horrible situation to be in. To me it doesn't sound like rehoming is the next step, you sound like maybe you need a break so I think doggy day care sounds a good place to start.

If you do end up going down the rehoming route please do find a reliable rescue rather than anything else.

If you don't mind me asking with hindsight is there anything you wish you had done to help prepare for the baby with the dog?

Finally, I think people who work absolutely can have dogs, it's just a matter of finding the right breed and match.

IMO you plan for a dog like you do a child. I don't think you are fair for 2 reasons. 1 - leaving a dog for 10 hours a day is bloody awful, poor thing. Must be bored shitless and then gets shut away when you are home because you have other things to do or its too hyper. 2 - I hate when dogs get shunned as soon as people have children, it really does show how low your dog is on your priorities when it really shouldn't be. My advice, either work on being a better dog mummy by daycare more walks with you and training it or privately re-home. You can advertise on FB, not for free because you will get anyone asking and then you can do the house checks yourself and get updates etc to keep your mind at ease.

You need to take a serious look at your set up. One of the mistakes you seem to have made - judging from you post, was not preparing the dog for when the baby came.
Use baby gates to keep the dog and baby separate, address the behavioral issues by putting in the effort.

It's not ok to abandon your dog because you've now got a real baby. What chance to you really think a 7 year old has in getting rehomed?

Sorry all sympathy (what very little there was ) ended at when walking the dog is described as to the detriment of family time. Poor dog.

I hate these threads when an older child plays up when a baby comes into the house. Do I a rehouse the child or b have it pts. Of course not but you would do it to your dog. You are that dogs family.

Baby gates would help, you’ll need them eventually anyway and then she isn’t shut completely out. My DC are way past the baby stage but we still use a baby gate for the dog as he can be a giddy goat when we get visitors. (yes he’s a Staffie too!) It helps him calm down because he still gets to see who’s here but doesn’t get let in until he’s calm. It’ll stop her getting to your dc’s toys too.

Please explore other options than rehoming, Staffies sadly tend to be harder to rehome than any other