My boy was put to sleep tonight

[hooveringhamabeads]

I don’t know how I’m going to cope without him, he was by my side for 14.5 years. We were like batman and robin. I’m absolutely heartbroken.

Thanks, I feel more at peace that I did the right thing, but what I feel most guilty about at the moment is that he must have been in so much pain on his last day but I didn’t realise, and I was quite busy doing other things so although I was around I wasn’t directly with him for much of the day IYSWIM. And when I tried to take him for a walk I called him and called him and although I realised after maybe 40 metres that he really wasn’t up for it, and then carried him home, I still made him walk 40 meters and he must have been in agony. But he did it because I wanted him to. I feel shit about that.

Here’s another pic of him, just because

Our last walk wasn’t the greatest memory either. He managed half way down the road and his legs were all over the place. He tried to wee and poo but couldn’t squat to do it, he weed all over his front legs and then I bought him home again.
Not how I imagined how the last time I ever walked him would be 😢
I’m just trying to remember the good times.
Tonight I cooked salmon for the kids and was almost in tears as I always gave him the salmon skin. It’s so hard.

He was such a dear little chap. I love the photos of him. He looks like a real gentleman.

Please try not to beat yourself up. It’s so clear that you adored him and gave him the best life and that’s what matters.

I can relate to the cooking, I just made fairy cakes with dd2 and he’d stand there waiting when we made them because he knew he’d get one before we did the icing. I ate his tonight :(

I'm sure in ever photo he looks more handsome than in the last. He was really beautiful.

Please don't torture yourself about his last day, his last walk ...... He was loved and he would have known that. Try to think of all of his good days and all of the walks he loved. Take care of yourself.

And yes I adored him, he was my world.

I found this article earlier and it really resonated with me, others might find it helpful. I’ve read quite a few dog death articles this week and none of them were that great IMO but this one actually hit home.

www.petlosshelp.org/10commonquestions.html

This is heartbreaking - I'm so sorry.

Hi OP I just wanted you to know that you are far from alone. Not a single word any of us can say will make your heart any lighter. I had to say goodbye to my old girl on May 28th and it has devastated me.

I had her a few months having after giving birth to my stillborn daughter over 13 years ago and she helped my DH & I through some very sad times.

I have had dogs all my life and after a few weeks of them passing have always gone on to have others but this time it has hit me extremely hard. I can empathise with every single emotion that you are going through and it is the silliest, most trivial things that cut the deepest.

As you can see from the time that this is posted I am a night owl and this time of day was our special time when my DH & DS are fast asleep upstairs and it only this past two weeks where I have been able to be downstairs alone without her it has been that bad.

Please don't beat yourself up about your boys last days. Every single action towards him was done purely out of love. Grief is the price we have to pay for that kind of special love and it hurts like hell.

Sending you a big and heartfelt hug xxx

Thank you, it’s still horrific and I miss him like hell. I forced myself outside today was lying on the trampoline and I thought I could see him in the clouds. Either that or I’m actually cracking up.

Still not been able to move any of his things. I have a cleaner who comes on Fridays but she cancelled earlier and I was glad because I didn’t want her to hoover up his hairs. Not yet.

Completely exhausted from all the crying, even when I try to distract myself I can never really get him out of my mind.

But yes however much it hurts now I’d rather go through this than never have had him in my life at all.

I don't think you are cracking up because If you are, so am I! I had EXACTLY the same experience with the clouds! I don't care what anyone thinks and it is beyond all reason but it was so clear. She was there, and I have no doubt your gorgeous boy was too. xx

Wow that’s interesting. I was lying on the trampoline sobbing, and missing him because he’d always be out in the garden with me, and I thought - if you’re there ddog, give me sign (I swear I’m not usually this crazy). And then the clouds above me first morphed into the image of him standing up like a mere cat which He did all the time, then into his face, sideways on, then into him curled up. It was clear as day (to me) x

Your lovely boy had the kindest face. The picture of him peeping over the edge of the bath made me cry.

Your overwhelming grief is in line with the huge love you and your boy had for one another. I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Take care OP x

How are you doing now kitchensink? I’m still missing him like mad but slowly coming to terms with not having him around. I gave his food to my mum yesterday for her dogs and I managed to put 2 of his bowls in the dishwasher today. Still can’t bear to do anything about his beds or his special bowl that I painted for him with his name on.

Decided I will make a memory box to keep the things of his that I really can’t part with, and put the photo album I’m going to make in there too.

My good friend and neighbour called me yesterday and made me an offer. She has a dog that I have looked after a lot over the years, he’s a spaniel. Him and my dog have had lots of adventures together, and he loves being here and hanging out with me. She’s struggling because she’s working full time and even though she comes back during the day to walk him he’s starting weeing and pooing in the house a lot, and she’s sure it’s because he’s on his own so much. So she asked if I can have him during the day while she’s at work, and she’s insisting on paying me to do that. I thought about it and actually I think it will be nice to have him around, there’s a big dog shaped hole in my life now and although it obviously won’t be the same as having my dog, I think it will help me. Probably won’t be for that long as she’s planning on handing her notice in but that’s ok.

That sounds like a brilliant idea.

Hi @hooveringhamabeads , sorry I keep name changing and can’t remember what I was before.
Yeah we are kind of getting used to not having him here.
10 days now, but feels like weeks and weeks somehow.
Still miss him like crazy, and the house is so quiet.
It’s really bizarre being able to leave the house for more than 4 hours without rushing back to let him out for a wee, or being able to go out past 5pm as we’d always have to be back for his dinner time.
I’m finally off the sleeping pills and seem to be doing ok.
I really want him back from the vets tho, where he belongs.
I think it might help with closure too.
Keep thinking about getting another dog, but I think it would be for all the wrong reasons.
I’ll perhaps wait until the kids are a bit older.
It’s just odd that for a third of my life I’ve had him here with me, and now he’s gone.

God, it’s horrible reading this thread back.
So much stuff I’ve already tried to put to the back of my mind, like his last uncomfortable walk.
Must be your brains way of trying to protect you hey?

It is so weird that for 14 years I was programmed to always be aware of where he was and what he was doing, it’s difficult and heartbreaking not to have to do that anymore. A week today for me, which has been hard, I’ve been reliving last Monday and feeling so, so sad. I went to the pub earlier to meet a friend and that was tough, first time I’d ever been there without him, he knew more people in my local than I did and would even sit at the bar. This photo was about 3 weeks ago. I really missed him.

Was the first day of having my friend’s dog today and this morning when she dropped him off he was looking around the room, I think for ddog, which was sad. Was quite nice to have a dog around for the day though, even though it’s nothing like having my own.

Things are slowly getting easier and there’s been times when I’ve genuinely been Ok over the last few days, but then I feel really guilty for enjoying life without him :(

Have been giving getting another dog some thought and at the moment I think I couldn’t ever do that, ddog wasn’t just a dog to me, he was a person in my life and I can’t imagine finding another connection like that. It would be like winning the lottery the first time you ever play it, not playing it for 15 years then winning it again. I can’t see it happening. He was my one and only.

Bit of a wreck today. It’s his birthday this week.
Thought I was doing ok.
How are you @hooveringhamabeads ? X

Oh poor you kitchensink, how old would he have been? That’s going to be a tough day. Have you got his ashes back yet? Special occasions are going to be hard without them, the first one I’m dreading is Halloween, he had a little pumpkin outfit (which he hated) but he used to come out trick or treating and get so much adoration that I think it outweighed the negatives of wearing it for an hour a year.

I’m getting there, I got a payment I was waiting for on Monday so I have been indulging in a bit of retail therapy, I booked a holiday for me and the DCs which they are super excited about. It’s nice to have something to look forward to.

Still not great though, finding it hard to sleep and today I stayed in bed all day feeling miserable so actually maybe I’m not doing that well. Wearing my sunglasses out of the house at all times because I burst into tears when I least expect it. I see him everywhere, I live in a small place and wherever I go I remember things we did there.

One thing that makes me really sad is that I am starting to forget what he felt like. The feel of his hair, his dimensions. That’s one thing pictures can’t bring back.

In short, life is really crap without him. I look at people out walking their dogs, part of me is happy because they look like they’re happy, part of me is jealous because I wish I had my dog, and part of me is sad for them because one day that dog will break their heart.

X

He’s going to be 10. Wish he was around for his birthday.
No, still not got his ashes back. Thought they might be by now.
In a way I don’t want to phone the vet and chase them up, as it will seem real then. But I would really like him back.
Have felt much more stable for the last few days, but the though of his birthday coming up is killing me and I’ve been upset all day.
He hated Halloween, all the strange noises and people knocking on the door dressed up! He was absolutely lovely, but he had some funny quirks and dislikes.
Bonfire night will be strange not having to panic about him and build him an emergency shelter in the house.
So many memories.
He was a fragile thing bless him. Easily frightened and anxious at times.
Nice to catch up with you anyway and see how you’re doing.
Lovely that you’ve got a holiday to look forward to x

Ah bless him, mine used to hate fireworks too until he went completely deaf a couple of years ago, was a lot less stressful after that.

Did you used to buy him a birthday present? Maybe you could buy something to celebrate his birthday, I ordered a nice personalised photo frame on eBay this week with his name and the dates of his life. I know it’s not quite what you’d want to be buying :( x