What should I do? Getting a puppy has catapulted me back into depression.

[Terribleperson2018]

We have a 13 week old labrador puppy. Had him from 8 weeks. Much wanted by everyone in the family but I knew the vast majority of looking after him would fall to me. No problem, I thought, I grew up with dogs, I love dogs. How wrong I was.

I just can't cope with him. Rationally, he's not that bad but I've noticed that over the past 5 weeks, I'm falling into depression (I have a history of depression and anxiety although nothing for years now).

Looking after him is just so hard - not getting enough sleep, constant vigilance as he'll try to eat every stone he sees so he can't go into the garden unless I'm literally standing on top of him, forever chewing the furniture, jumping on the sofas, mouthing us, tugging and ripping my clothing, whining and weeing if I dare put him in the kitchen so I can get on with something else like going to the loo for 3 minutes. I could go on.

I have my eyes on him from 5am to 10pm (when my husband takes over for an hour) every single day. I just can't do it anymore. I'd rather walk out this house and never return. I want to rehome him for the sake of my sanity but how the fuck do I justify that?

Any words of wisdom?

We're just moving this thread over to The Doghouse at the OP's request.

He's lovely op.

I have seen someone on here as suggesting that puppies are cute to make up for the fact that they are assholes. Sums it up really .

Sounds like your doing great and the puppy blues will eventually pass with time.

Where are you based? I’ll give you a break for a few hours! Very cute (though very hard work!)

Terribleperson2018 as someone who has suffered greatly all of my life since the age of 10 with several mental health issues, I would like to say that your anxiety is feeding itself, you are getting so stressed and then you are believing that you are falling into a depression because you are feeling similar feelings to when you had anxiety/depression before. I honestly think if you can just get through the puppy stage then you will have made the best decision in persevering as you will have your boys loyalty and company always. He is gorgeous, I want to also commend you for speaking out about how you are feeling and not just suffering in silence. I wish you luck x

Can’t believe people are recommending giving the puppy back simply because he’s “hard work”. Imagine if everybody who had a puppy that was “hard work” handed them back - nobody would own an adult dog!

OP, what you put into this puppy you’ll get out. They start of as blank canvasses and it’s up to us to create the adult dog we want

If you want a well trained dog then put in the effort and training and that’s what you’ll get

Why isn’t your puppy house trained? You’ve had him long enough. This tells me your problems are down to your lack of training. Him weeing when separated is anxiety not him being naughty

If you aren’t going to put in the effort then things won’t imorove. Spending time with the puppy isn’t enough. Put the hard work in

Chippyway Not all puppy's are toilet trained in 2 weeks. Lots of us on the survival threads 'train' our dogs but it can take a few months to have no accidents and the dog to ask to be let out every single time.

Have you tried spring bitter apple on the stones? It has not been raining for such a long time, that I am sure it would not get rained away and the dog would learn not to chew on the stones from the bad taste? Or you could fence off the stones area or put something on top to keep dog off?

The puppy stage can be difficult....so many people have told me, its like having a newborn and omg you are so brave etc etc. So you are not alone in this. We have been lucky, as in she has been a pretty easy going pup, but all the work of course falls on me (which I expected). My husband won't bother taking her out, not even once in the evening before he goes to bed and he sleeps later then me, because I wake 5:30am or 6am because of my son and to take the dog out. Also, have you gotten him saw natural chew toys? Our dog trainer recommended them and they last for a while entertaining the dog. They are supposed to be soothing to them. I was AMAZED!!! My little pup was so happy with them. You can order them off amazon. Just look up like lamb tails or pig ears or hooves etc. They are hard and sometimes smell a little when they are being chewed on, but they keep the pup so happy. LOVE THEM! Also, the breeder taught us some cool ideas to make our own toys for the dog. Hiding the food in loo rolls so the dog has to work to get it out. My puppy LOVED this! Also, not using a bowl for feeds and scattering the food on the floor. Pretty amazing to see her a lot more happy to eat the food scattered on the floor. Tie up cut up old clothes for some more toys.

This puppy stage will pass. If you are finding your dog needs some help, try a trainer. Our pup is pretty easy going, but I still loved the trainers ideas and tips.

Ah come on @Chippyway he's only thirteen weeks old! I doubt many puppies at all are fully housetrained at that age. Ours is 14 weeks and while he knows he goes outside to toilet, he still has accidents because, you know, he's a baby animal.

OP the puppy blues are definitely a thing. It's hard, bloody hard, but you need to be consistent and calm and just keep going with it. Eventually it will start to get easier and he'll listen to commands and toilet outside.

Are you doing any training with him? What about puppy classes? They're essential for every dog owner and fab for puppy socialisation. We start ours tomorrow but I already do training at home - he knows sit, lie-down, stay, down and toilet, though obviously he's not completely consistent and he still struggles outside. But with repetitive training and consistency he'll get there.

OP sounds like you're putting a lot of effort in with your puppy. It absolutely will get better with everything you're doing. Keep going and remember that it's just for a short time. You'll reap the rewards from your hard work and not too far away will have a faithful, well trained dog.

Awe OP sounds like by your PPs you are doing well by the puppy. I too have an eater of all things garden, who also gets the runs because he is a dumbass. He is 16 weeks and a Giant type dog so all the fun of a puppy but already bigger than a large cocker spaniel.
I have never had mental health issues in my life until I got a puppy. I felt constantly sick with anxiety and I couldn't sleep or eat. I felt trapped and sad and wondered what the hell I had done. I too seem to get the most puppy work to do which is unusual as my DH has always been a proper parent but he also had the puppy blues.......

Good news it does pass (just like the stones eventually do, or the cement in our case.) I feel better still knackered and sometimes a bit worried but I am sleeping and eating damn again.

I can't say what will be right for you but as PPs have said the walking will be great for your MH I love nothing better than walking through the grassy areas watching my nutcase of a dog run about and enjoying life.

Take care, good luck

Yeah puppies are shit heads! We got our back in Feb and having had adult dogs before I thought I knew what to expect. ARRGGHHH it was awful. He nipped at everyone, pissed all over the house, kept us all awake and stressed me out. He made DHs anxiety so much worse and my DD was terrified of him. We stuck with it. House training, took him to puppy training classes, teaching basic commands etc.. He carried on being horrendous. We couldn't leave him - he howled and peed. Slowly we got him used to being left in the kitchen for a few minutes at a time on his bed just inside the kitchen door. We just had to leave him for a few minutes and return LOTS of times per day. Then make it longer and eventually he stopped howling. He still woofs at the babygate at the bottom of the stairs if we are all upstairs but will wait quietly if I put him in the kitchen.

The nipping - just keep replacing your body part with a toy. It will slow down and eventually stop.

The sleeping - they do get better (although mine still gets up at 6 every morning. He now gets let out and then comes back in and goes back to sleep for an hour).

My puppy is now 6 months old. Has been house-trained for over a month, is no longer bitey (unless over tired or wound up but even this is reducing). He sleeps 10pm - 6am in his bed next to mine upstairs. He walks nicely on a lead and even DD likes him. He can be left for up to 4 hours (rarely happens but he does get stuck in the kitchen for much shorter periods a few times per week) in the kitchen. He is used to the routine at home and sleeps in my office whilst I am working. If I get up to go in the kitchen he still follows me. He likely always will, our older dog used to trundle along behind my mum all day. I quite like the company.

Just keep telling yourself it will get better. I promised the family he'd be a proper dog (not a bundle of flashing teeth and puppy madness) by October at 10 months old. He actually seems to have gotten there a bit faster. Threaten the dog with the canning factory at least 100 times per day. Perhaps consider doggy daycare for a day a week so you can get some sort of a break if it is all too much?

It does get better! My cocker spaniel puppy hated me, would bite me and refuse to be stroked by me, I hated every minute of her puppyhood. I asked my DH several times if we could send her to live with his parents! Eventually it got better and she’s now my most faithful, loyal companion - loves nothing more than to be cuddled up on my lap or with her head on my shoulder.

I sympathise, I feel the same with mine, although he is 11 months now and is worse again. This morning , he has thrown himself against the stair gate to get to me ( I was having a mini lie in ), despite my dh being downstairs with him. When dh blocked the stairgate he whined and howled. He has ruined a nice pair of my sandals that I thought were out of his reach. He upset a lady on our walk this morning,, by generally being disobedient and not coming when called, and I ended up tearful.

You’re not a terrible person OP. I’ve been exactly where you are now. My puppy was meant to help me with my mental health but he nearly broke me. I was shocked to be considering returning him to the breeder. I’ve always thought that pets should be for life but my puppy was making me miserable and I was convinced I’d made a massive mistake. Getting him wasn’t entered into lightly. The trainer who came to my house even commented that I knew an awful lot about dog behaviour for a first time owner.

I still have my dog and he’s one now. He’s still a handful and has his moments but I do love him and haven’t cried about for for a few months now.

The diffference in my situation is that I live alone and work. A difficult balancing act with family and friends helping out and daycare on the other days while he’s still young and energetic. As a SAHM you are in a great position to be a dog owner. Even so, if you really don’t think you can do it and your mental health is suffering too much then I would completely understand if you chose to tehome

Can totes relate. We have a 12 week old black lab, had him for a month.

He now sleeps in a crate 10pm-6am, but until the last two mornings it was 5am.

He eats stones.

He can't eat anything but boiled rice and chicken or turkey or he gets a very runny bum.

He nips DH and the children (not me for some reason) and has drawn blood.

He rough plays with our Daxie and I have to take her upstairs with me rather than leave them alone together in case he hurts her accidentally.

He has eaten a lot of plants in DH's garden.

He knows to wee outside, and will go on command, but will still often wee in the kitchen despite having JUST GONE in the garden.

He has loads of toys but always wants the one our other dog (daxie) is playing with. We have to referee constantly.

He can't be walked for another two and a half weeks, as he only has his second jabs on Friday.

He jumps up on everyone, and is already a big dog so we are desperately trying to train him out of this. I am worried he is going to knock someone over.

It is Bloody. Hard. Work.

He looks a lot like yours...

@Iamblossom 2.5 weeks are you sure. We had to keep ours in for 1 week after his injections so long as it wasn't in woods or near stagnent water.

been told 10 days to two weeks after second jabs

Our vet said just 1 week for walks and 2 for stagnant water. What type of vaccine is it as there is also recommendations on their PIL.

Oh OP I can totally relate to this. And you're NOT a terrible person. Not at all.
My girl is nearly two.
As a puppy she too a bloody age to toilet train so I literally couldn't take my eyes off her. She had separation anxiety anyway so I couldn't leave her. Ever. She chewed. Through the wall at one stage. I slept on the floor by her as she wouldn't settle alone. She had to be on a long lead near the cats and kids.
At one point I sat on the kitchen floor sobbing that if I "didn't bloody love you so much I would give you back"
She's now a complete delight. Well trained and awesome. If it isn't too sad to say she's my best mate.
On and if either of those lab pups are near us she does adore a lab and does a great line in tiring them out!

Ooh I will check geek - 1 week would be so much better.

@Iamblossom, I got told 7 days post 2nd jabs when I took my pup for his first set of vaccinations by one vet, and then 14 days by another vet when pup had his 2nd set. I queried it and wasn't given a straight answer. I ended up speaking to the practice again and they suggested I compromise at 10 days. Clear as mud!

Yesterday was a much better day - I managed 8hrs sleep which definitely helped. Today is not so good again. My anxiety is so high. I was awake from 3.15am waiting for him to stir so I could rush him outside. He didn't wake until 6am today! I know that this is entirely me and not my puppy's fault. He's not doing anything! It's my anxiety which is taking over and I know rationally I'm being stupid but my head is screwed.

Speak to the vet. There are two main ones. One they can go out 7 days after the second set as long not near stagnent water.

I asked my vet to split the 'second' lot of vaccinations into two. So for the second we had it at 10 weeks and could go out on roads, avoiding muddy, wet areas including farms and forests, after 7 days. The third was at 12 weeks old for L4 and we could go anywhere after a further 14 days.

I do think a lot of the difficulties with young puppies is the lack of sleep! I know I spent the first week or so in a fog of tiredness - our pup actually sleeps really well at night, but it didn't stop me waking up worrying if he was okay, wondering if he'd had an accident or wasn't crying!

It will get better. He's four months old today and we're coming out the other side, slowly but surely. He's starting to listen a lot more and we can occupy him in his crate for a bit with a chew if we need to get things done. He still has his moments (the zoomies, I call them!) but they don't last anywhere near as long as they did and can be calmed much quicker than when he was a bit younger.