What should I do? Getting a puppy has catapulted me back into depression.

[Terribleperson2018]

We have a 13 week old labrador puppy. Had him from 8 weeks. Much wanted by everyone in the family but I knew the vast majority of looking after him would fall to me. No problem, I thought, I grew up with dogs, I love dogs. How wrong I was.

I just can't cope with him. Rationally, he's not that bad but I've noticed that over the past 5 weeks, I'm falling into depression (I have a history of depression and anxiety although nothing for years now).

Looking after him is just so hard - not getting enough sleep, constant vigilance as he'll try to eat every stone he sees so he can't go into the garden unless I'm literally standing on top of him, forever chewing the furniture, jumping on the sofas, mouthing us, tugging and ripping my clothing, whining and weeing if I dare put him in the kitchen so I can get on with something else like going to the loo for 3 minutes. I could go on.

I have my eyes on him from 5am to 10pm (when my husband takes over for an hour) every single day. I just can't do it anymore. I'd rather walk out this house and never return. I want to rehome him for the sake of my sanity but how the fuck do I justify that?

Any words of wisdom?

[Hoppinggreen]

There is a puppy support thread in The Doghouse and you WILL get sympathy and understanding there as a lot of us have been through it
PPD ( post puppy depression) IS a thing

[laundryelf]

It's hard work but your health comes first. Better for the pup to be rehomed through the breeder or breed rescue now than later.
Even a dog walker won't help until after his vaccinations are at the going out stage. At 13 weeks he's unlikely to be allowed out for walks yet, unless the vaccine schedule has changed since I had a puppy.
As long as you take care to find a good home, you have no reason to feel bad about this, you have had very little support from the rest of the family and your mental health is your priority.

[BiteyShark]

PotteryGirl the puppy survival threads are very supportive. I will admit some threads in the doghouse section make me want to weep but the survival ones are full of people going through the same thing.

[SilverHairedCat]

Honestly, I felt the same and we took on a 9 month old dog!! After a few weeks, I massively regretted it. I worked in her training and my own understanding of dog training, and about 8 weeks into it, it just clicked and I wouldn't be without the big dope now. Even if her recall is still ropey as hell.

Keep going, you're going through the hardest part. And what is every other person in the household doing to help?

[Jessbow]

Get a crate.

[ShinyShooney]

You need to leave him on his own or you'll end up with severe separation anxiety.

Exercise more and look into crate training- very effective if used correctly!

[BiteyShark]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/3184677-Puppy-Survival-Thread-Part-6

As you can see it's survival thread 6 and there have been many more before it because it can be very hard. I think you imagine this nice fluffy puppy that is a joy to have but often the reality is they are this bitey peeing pooing demanding thing. Once you get past that they become a joy and a member of the family you can't imagine life without.

[catgotyourbrain]

OP there was a really long thread a while back on here with a retriever puppy that was driving the owner potty. She returned many times and worked through some stuff and the dog was a great help to her son with autism (if I remember rightly). This made me hesitate on a puppy and I posted on here to ask about dogs and mental health; and got a really varied response on here.

My whippet is 18 months old and he really has saved my sanity ( I was worried he'd make depression worse). Unconditional love and companionship - and I wouldn't feel a walk was complete without a dog now. He really feels like an ally in my life with three DSs. We all love him so much - and of course he was hard work when small. He sleeps in a basket in the bedroom now but until recently was crated downstairs. I'd really recommend crate training for sanity's sake. Also having a hallway or room that you can leave him in when out safely.

Also chews, chews and more chews.

Good luck

[Lovemusic33]

Having a puppy is like having a baby, I would never do it again after the last one, I eventually had to give him up as it was effecting my mental health. Labs stay puppies for a long time unless you get training sorted or your lucky enough to have a chilled out one.

[PotteryGirl]

I hope so...I think I misunderstood the tone of the OP. I have two high maintenance dogs so understand the work involved.

[Sabulous]

Going against the majority here.... If you're really not that happy see if you can rehome him. I struggled really badly when we brought our puppy home. He's now 4 and I still find him to be a total pain in my bum even though he's much better behaved. We just haven't bonded, and to be honest I feel that getting him was the biggest mistake I've ever made. When my husband suggested that we rehome him in those early days, as I was struggling so much, I wish I had said yes. But now it has been 4 years and I'm stuck with him!!
If you really feel that rehoming him is the best thing to do, don't be embarrassed to say something, do what is best for you x

[crispysausagerolls]

YANBU! My dog is almost 2 and I love him to pieces but you could not pay me to have another puppy. Agree with the PP who thought it would be easy due to growing up with dogs - it's not!

I think it's very normal to get a bit sad or irritated because new puppies are, in a different way, harder than newborns. At least newborns do their business in ONE PLACE (nappy) and can't run around constantly/create mayhem by shredding/chewing/biting. A puppy needs to be watched and chased after for bloody hours a day. I particularly found it upsetting if I had missed him doing a wee, because it felt like a missed opportunity to toliet train!

Also CleverQuacks your playpen idea is genius and I wish I had read it 2 years ago!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Get an extra long lead to wear in the house so it trails behind him and stamp on it every time he does something wrong. I had a lab. They need a lot of training. Every walk should be training plus training in the garden. That’s therefore at least an hour a day.

[ThisMorningWentBadly]

I wa there with our puppy. It was awful. We are through the other side, but if you need to rehome then do so. Your mental health comes first.

[Bluetrews25]

I can so relate
I was terrified of dogs, then we got one! (For security, even though she was the softest thing ever)
I had no love for dogs at all, and I got 'PND' when we brought her home.
After going to training together, we slowly bonded and before long she was my girl. (Except when she was daddy's girl, or DS1's girl or DS2's girl!)
If you can hang on in there, it will get better, and it will BOOST your mental health to get out walking with DDog daily and nattering with other dog parents. Just remember that all those licks are really kisses.

[AForest]

I too felt like this. We have a springer and his puppy stage was great, hard work but not stressful. Roll on two years as we get a Border Terrier for the kids.. wow that puppy stage was hard. I was also depressed and found it hard to bond with the little bugger him. However now he is the best dog, such a character, into everything, really funny, quite well trained and great with the kids. I would stick with it if you can, but instead of thinking what you don't want him to do, redirect his normal mischievous puppy behaviour onto other things.. chew toys, snuffle mats, stuffed kongs are all good puppy distractions. Crate training is also really helpful if done properly so you can both have a break. Maybe find a positive dog trainer to give you some tips? Good luck you could have a friend for life.

[kateandme]

this will pass.i can promise yo uthat.just like a new born puppys are.but they do need your strength and guidance to come out the other side.
you need to sit down with your family and be open and honest.not only that thye will help out with the dog or it goes.but also more importantly that your suffering again with your mental health because on a whole separate issue that needs help.
because this might have triggered a relapse.but it could have been something else to do so.so now you have relapsed you need help.becasue just getting rid of the dog now I don't think will cure it.it might release the trigger but you emotional health has already taken that nose dive and you need support love and help with that.so you need your family with that and possibly the gp?i know that's hard but you need to be brave and reach out for help.relaping into depression is really scary and horrid.you deserve support.
you need help with the dog.
do you think if everyone stepped up you could manage.
remember to look on the dog as an innocent too.try and flip its behaviours round.it doesn't know how it act or what to do.its essentially a child just growing and leanrning how to live.
if you can do this,a dog is the bestes greatest friend you coulkd have hun.and my god is excellent for suffering with depression.it will be your most loyal friend.so that issomething to look forward to if you can.
there are club and courses you could find in your local area?
search in google too.there are soo many little routines to help build a trained dog.
important things like the loo.call and recall.try and get some essential behaviour sorted.and then expand as you can.
and also like a child you have to learn to let them cry.more so actually with a dog as there minds are much simpler lol.so if you run to it when it wines it will have this ingrained.quick short sharp "no""stop""be quite" and leaving them.they have to learn whining doesn't equal attention. then when its quite go to him.make the moments they are peaceful are the ones you come and tell them they are good.
also remember depression is a beast.so you not managing this isn't a failing.with depression everything can seem impossible.so with help you might find this is totally doable. your depression could have creeped in and smothered something that is ok.
get some support.take care

[Carouselfish]

I'd be really, really careful with the crate thing. So many people seem to just see it as a way to 'put the dog away' like a toy. It's a plastic cage and it isn't a substitute for training the dog to not chew things, to feel secure when you're out of the room or to not pee everywhere. All those things are doable without a crate.
It is a lot of responsibility, OP and I really think you should give him back to the breeder or to Dogs Trust. He will find a home at his age, but if you wait longer, you're lessening his chances.

[Terribleperson2018]

Thank you so much for your responses. Don't get me wrong - I love him loads. We're in puppy training classes, I do training sessions with him, he goes out for walks twice a day as advised, has playdates daily with my neighbour's puppy, he's fed using a Kong Wobbler and other enrichment toys. I try my hardest to keep him physically and mentally occupied.

It's just so relentless. He'll sleep in the day, but if I move from the room, he'll wake up straight away.

He's not crated anymore - he had terrible bloody diarrhea after eating stones and pooped all over his crate two weeks ago. He only whined when he'd finished. When I got to him, he was shaking and crying. He refused to go back in his crate after that so we have a bed for him in our tiny kitchen with a baby gate across the doorway - we use the kitchen as a kind of crate and that works better. He's dry from 11pm - 5am.

The reason it's all down to me is because my husband works long hours with a terrible commute plus lots of European travel, my eldest is doing her A levels and the other one is 6! They do what they can but as I'm a SAHM, it naturally falls to me.

I want to make this work and get through the puppy stage (when is that btw? I've heard between 18 months and 3 years), but I just don't think I can make it that long.

I'm so sorry to hear others have felt/are feeling this way, but the selfish part of me takes comfort I'm not a completely callous and weak person.

[Bluetrews25]

Just noticed your NN OP, you are not a terribleperson!
Hope for a lot better by 6 months or so, but still puppyish for a good while after, but not so bad. The chewing will stop when the big teeth are in. Ours was pretty much house trained when we brought her home at 12ish weeks from the breeder. (We were so lucky, didn't realise it at the time!)
Make sure you go on walks in popular places and at busy times so you get to chat to others, that will help YOUR mood a lot, and I bet DDog gets lots of attention as a pupster.
Do you dare show us a pic????? I think we'd love to see one.
You know what we always say on here - 'photo, or it didn't happen'

[BiteyShark]

My dog is a cocker spaniel and typically larger breeds mature later than smaller breeds.

At around 5 months of age he calmed down a lot as a puppy but then quickly entered that stubborn teenage phase from 6 months of age when they 'forget' all the training you did. Teen stubbornness peaked at 8-9 months but by 11-12 months he became that loveable trained dog again. Honestly puppy phases are shit but it's amazing how quickly it passes.

[Terribleperson2018]

Here he is.

[ScreamingValenta]

The puppy stage exhausted me; the sleepless nights in particular - I sometimes ended up feeling angry towards my pup when he wouldn't settle, and hating myself for feeling that way because I knew he couldn't help it.

It passed, and he was very soon sleeping through and everything went back to normal, but with the love and companionship of my dog to add to 'normal;.

He's 12 now, and his puppyhood seems a tiny fraction of the time we have had with him.

It will soon get better, OP .

[Bluetrews25]

Aww, thank you. He's a beaut.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

He's gorgeous