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The doghouse

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Original poster

How soon did you start thinking about getting another dog?

41 replies

ThymeLord · 29/01/2018 10:40

It was only Friday that I lost Bob and i'm thinking about it already and feel terrible for it. It's really not that I am trying to replace him, because I won't ever replace him, but the hole is just huge and the need to fill it is honestly consuming me. Is it too soon? How long did you wait? I feel awful for even asking.

OP posts:
Giggorata · 29/01/2018 11:07

It isn't at all awful to fill the dog/s shaped hole in your lives.
For us it was asap, because we had 2 dogs and the remaining one went into a serious depression without his pal - we had to buy him a puppy. But it helped the whole family enormously.
Over the years, we have had many dogs in our lives, and we remember them all fondly (even Jim, who was a bugger)

CMOTDibbler · 29/01/2018 11:55

From people I meet through fostering, some just can't bear the hole in their life and get another dog very quickly (some phone the day after for example). Some can't stand the thought of replacing the dog, and can take years to be ready. There isn't a one right way, and none of them mean that you loved your dog any less.

Original poster
ThymeLord · 29/01/2018 12:20

Thanks for replying.

I know it sounds over dramatic but I feel as though I have lost all sense of purpose. It's like i've lost my right arm. I can't replace him, not ever, but I've got to do something to fill this huge gaping hole. Sad

OP posts:
OakIsBetterTho · 29/01/2018 12:20

It's entirely personal. My dog was stolen and I was heartbroken. We never saw him again. After 6 months of being bereft, I bought a new puppy... one which looked identical to my original dog, called him a similar name and naturally was endlessly disappointed that he wasn't my dog. That was stupid and I'd never do it again, I wasn't at all ready for another dog. It wasn't fair on the new dog and he ended up going to my brother, they have an amazing bond.
That said, my collie was killed and while I loved her, I was ready for another dog in less than a month.
Don't feel guilty but you must do what's right for you.

countrybump · 29/01/2018 12:27

There's nothing wrong with thinking about it. If I'm honest I started thinking about it before I lost my last dog. I knew he was sick and the end is near, and I started wondering about what it would be like to walk a different dog and have a different dog in the house. So, while I wasn't looking for a new dog I started preparing for it in my head I suppose!

In the event it was 18 months after the death of my dog before I bought a new puppy home. I found it much harder to think about having another dog once he had actually gone and, in all truthfulness, I really enjoyed being dog-free for a while! After a year the novelty of not having to think about a dog wore off and I started looking for the right dog for me. It took six months to find him.

And that's probably the key thing - finding the right dog for you. If you find a dog that you know is right for you and your family, then that is the time to get one!

FleagleBingoDrooperSnork · 29/01/2018 12:29

When our old spaniel passed away, I said to my distraught husband that we were not having any more dogs, as his grief was overwhelming and I didn't want to see him so upset again. He sobbed every day for a month, until I caved in and said we would "just look" at some litters. Long story short, we ended up with the last two from a litter, who have been a boon. Not least because my darling husband passed away last year and they have been wonderful companions for me. You are never alone (or bored) with a hound!

FleagleBingoDrooperSnork · 29/01/2018 12:30

Sorry, meant to add, so my advice would be go for it! Every dog is unique and you will love it in a different way.

mydogisthebest · 29/01/2018 12:37

When our previous dog died we got a puppy less than 2 months later. It was really my DH pushing it and I felt really guilty but as soon as we had him home I fell in love with him. I knew we were not replacing our beloved dog but had given another pup a loving home.

Previous to that we waited almost 2 years before getting a dog as we started off adamant that we would not get another as we were both so distraught and felt we could not go through that again. We missed having a dog so much though but were scared to get another one. I think that is why DH pushed to get pup quickly.

Original poster
ThymeLord · 29/01/2018 15:59

I am worried about not loving another dog enough. Trouble is, I want to adopt one that looks similar for the simple reason that big black dogs are harder to rehome and I want to help another one. That doesn't mean i'm trying to replace Bob but I guess that's how it could look Sad

Can't wait until 5 o'clock and then I can go home and cry.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 29/01/2018 16:31

We're having a holiday in the sun then puppy hunting for a specific breed. We made our decision once we knew the dogs had life limiting illnesses - family came to the house and we've only had weekends away for the last 5 years. The girls lived to a good age - had a good life - and our lives were enriched for having them share ours.
The dogs aren't replaced because they live on in your heart. The empty space that is left when they go is painful. It helps the hurt when I remember we will make new memories when we get our new girls. We're having a holiday first!

userxx · 01/02/2018 01:24

Thyme - you do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong decision and you will never replace him. When we lost out hound we got two girls within two weeks, it didn't make me miss him any less but it also hurt less if you see what I mean.

Farfel · 01/02/2018 02:55

Wherever Bob is, he'd be proud and pleased to see that you give another dog the same happy life he had.

Greyhorses · 01/02/2018 06:34

I pretty much got one straight away both times. I’ve had 3 of the same breed and all were very different.

I would look if you think you feel ready.

honeyroar · 01/02/2018 08:38

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. (I'm sure it must be different if they were stolen, you'd still hope they'd be found, must be even worse).

I lost my gorgeous chocolate lab before Xmas. We've got two other dogs, one of whom was devastated to lose his best friend, so they kept us busy, and I had already decided three was too much for us, so we've not got another, but I may well have by now if we didn't have others.

How about a rescue that had an owner that had died? I imagine they'd be feeling the same way as we are losing our dog. I've seen a few lately in rescues and thought I'd have had them if we were getting another.

(Ps, and despite all this I still miss my girl, she's under a tree at the end of the garden with a few other previously adored pets, and I talk to her every day).

honeyroar · 01/02/2018 08:40

Strangely when I was little a new dog literally turned up days after we had lost a pet. We lived near the moors and people sadly abandoned dogs there - we just found them and they stayed!

Original poster
ThymeLord · 01/02/2018 09:11

Thanks for all the replies Smile

I'm swinging wildly between yes and no at the minute. Of course, I have to factor in the fact that I work full-time. I didn't when we got Bob and it was just as circumstances changed, over the years, he had to adapt.

OP posts:
olliegarchy99 · 01/02/2018 09:34

I lost my lovely lurch last summer (August) and as I live alone it was as if the heart had been ripped out of me (and the house and everywhere we used to walk)
I burnt all his bed[s], threw away or gave away all the leftover food/treats and forced myself to go 'walking' where we used to walk and in that way feel close to him still. I also did lots of 'displacement activity' - buying stuff, booking holidays and the rest.
I still collapse in tears when I see a sad dog story or reading things like you OP but I am getting there.
I initially scoured the local web sites on line trying to convince myself I could just get another dog (even so far as booking a home visit - which I then cancelled as I felt it was being disloyal to lost ddog) but I have now tried to think that I need to take my time and know when the dog is the right one.
When I lost my previous lurcher I lasted 10 months till I rescued another. That was about right for me but everyone is differant.
So sorry for your loss OP - I know how much it hurts. Give yourself time to grieve.

Lordofmyflies · 01/02/2018 11:56

I lasted 5 days after the death of my beloved dog before I got another. I was riddled with guilt and still grieving but he gave me a reason to get out, walk, something to focus on.
He's obviously not the same and for the first month I compared him constantly to old pet, but he really has helped with the loss and now 8 weeks on, we have a very close bond. Different, and I still miss my old dog but with fondness rather than pain. New dog immediately filled the lifestyle gap that you lose and only later has start to fill that doggy "connection".

Original poster
ThymeLord · 01/02/2018 13:33

That's really really well put Lordofmyflies. That's exactly how I feel at the minute. My whole life has changed, from morning routine to all the plans I had for weekends. All very dramatic sounding, I know, but it's true. If that huge gap can be filled then I know the love and connection will develop over the weeks.

As it happens, i've emailed a rescue about an older boy they have. So we will see.

OP posts:
userxx · 01/02/2018 16:25

Not dramatic at all. Good for you Thyme, I've got a soft spot for the older ones.

BlueKarou · 01/02/2018 16:31

I started looking for a new dog 2 weeks before I lost her. It sounds really callous, but it's what I needed to do.

My old girl was diagnosed with osteosarcoma and everything I read told me it would be a very swift illness, and that prognosis was rarely longer than 4 weeks. The only way I could cope with the inevitable empty house was by starting planning for my life post dog. It ultimately took 6 weeks for the new one to arrive, so I had a full month without a dog and it was hard, and the house felt empty, and I was just so sad, but I knew I had another dog coming to me, and he was from a Romanian pound so he needed me as much as I needed him.

Good luck with your enquiry about the older boy. Some people just need to have dogs in their lives just as some (most) dogs need to have people in their lives. It's not a case of replacement, but of necessity.

Chippyway · 01/02/2018 21:24

My dog passed away last Christmas. I was heartbroken. She wasn’t even old. Within a month I brought home a puppy.

I felt very guilty and questioned whether I was doing the right thing or not. But I missed her like mad and not having her around meant I didn’t know what to do with myself!

For those first few weeks I’d avoid doing certain things which I knew would highlight her not being there. I hated coming home because she wouldn’t be greeting me.

When I got the puppy, I didn’t have time to mope around. I used to look forward to coming home because I’d have the puppy to look forward to etc. My puppy helped me cope with missing my best friend who passed away

I will never replace her. Getting my puppy wasn’t me moving on already. The one who died was my absolute best friend and I miss her every single day. But my pup has helped me cope with that.

My big girl would’ve adored her as well.

Chippyway · 01/02/2018 21:26

What I’m trying to say is, you aren’t doing anything wrong by getting another dog

All dogs need loved. Yours would’ve wanted another dog to receive the love you gave to them.

Good luck :)

RaininSummer · 01/02/2018 21:26

I intended to wait three months or so but only managed two weeks as the dog shaped hole was too big and going for a walk was horrible. It is a tribute to your previous canine friend x

mommybunny · 01/02/2018 21:38

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Flowers

I'm interested in the replies, because we are in a similar situation, having just lost our GSD suddenly today.