Twatty things your dogs do

[NoFucksImAQueen]

On the way to wash the dogs earlier me and ds1 who is 6 were making up how a verbal fight would go between the dogs and having a giggle about it. We decided it would probably go like this.

Freya “you’re a blind chewing window licker!”

Shadow “ you’re a rubbish raiding garbage eater”

F “you’re scared of you’re own shadow!”

S “not I’m not! Stop shouting you’re scaring me 😱. Well... well...you’re bolshy and aggressive”

F. “ well you eat poo!”

S “hey we both do that!”

F "yeah true"

Tell me what twatty things your dogs do

Mine waits until I go in with a bag to do an overly enthusiastic post poo shuffle so I get covered in clumps of mud and grass.

1 year old husky here. He’s a dick. Throws tantrums at being given dry food in the morning, every time he watches us fill up the bowl in the morning with dry food he starts talking at us and then grumbles before throwing himself down under the chair in a strop. He usually caves after 30 minutes and eats it but every morning we go through this palava which is a pain when we need to leave the house in the morning! He is a very well fed dog on a specialised dry food diet he gets mixed with wet food at tea time.

He strops when it’s time to go out for a walk! We get the lead out and he’ll either hide under the chair or lay on the floor shouting at us!

He tells us it’s time for bed but loudly talking through anything we might be trying to watch on tv and loudly throwing his bone around his crate.

Before we go through the food palava every morning we have to go through the time to get up talk! Open his crate, say “morning time to get up!” And he’ll say what sounds an awful lot like “no” for ages and shouts at us if we take his blanket!

He fights with the hoover but only to make me hoover him! He shouts if I get the steam mop out.

He is such a typical husky but we love him and his character! He does that hilarious talking/shouting thing huskies do all the time!

He also steals and eats knickers, loo rolls and food bad clips. He refuses point blank to poo or piss in the garden, demands a walk which he then refuses to go on upon seeing the lead. He has ZERO re-call but I believe that’s quite normal with huskies. He looks at me scathingly like I’m a total loon for putting bread out for the birds. He also likes to shit and piss at the same time so as he squats to shit the piss comes out in the form of a huge fucking fountain which he proceeds to eagerly drink. He hides things in his bed, doesn’t chew them just hides them.

BoyDog likes to chew only the finest expensive shoe leather

GirlDog likes to steal snacks out of DH’s sports bag and hide them around the house. She has a stash of Jolly Ranchers somewhere and we can’t find them, but often come home to find her munching one on the sofa.

I’ve also trained BoyDog to be a twat. GirlDog hates getting up for her morning walk, so I say “BoyDog, go wake your sister”
And he runs into the bedroom and jumps on her head. That gets her out of bed and downstairs pretty quickly

Mine is a minx...won't move out of bed in a morning for a wee,I end up shaking her bed to evict her,she finally goes out ,does her wee and comes in....then I go for a much needed wee ,only to open the loo door to find she's weed outside it....why?..

Bizarrely, she can last all night without a wee.but as soon as I'm in the loo doing one she's doing one outside the door..even if I've put her out first before I go...she stil squeezes a few drops out..thankgod for Lino

My 52 kg Rotti is ruled by my 7 kg Cairnish, I have had to come downstairs before because he has been crying, and walk him past the little one to come to bed.
They're doing it now, he won't walk past her so is pacing in the kitchen trying to pluck up the courage to run past.

If I decide I feel sorry for her and let her sleep in our bedroom rather than the downstairs back toilet she bloody wakes me up at 4.30am for her food. Every. Time. And I still don't learn. She is soooo cute though :)

He eats his biscuits on my carpet (mostly hard floors here) no matter where in the downstairs I give him the biscuit he makes his way to my bloody new carpet Pretty sure he does it to piss me off.
If he doesn't choose his own bedtime biscuit he won't it, even if the one he subsequently chooses is the one he has just snubbed because I didn't let him choose it

My junior dog delights in hiding food in the linen cupboard. Preferably a big bloody bone, buried deep in duvet sets.

Grumbles if I or DH dare to turn over or move about a millimetre in the night in bed. We are not allowed. Only she can move in the night and annoy us by licking our mouths when we're fast asleep, or barge her way under the cover if the feeling takes her.

Also knows that if we are eating on the sofa that she's not allowed up. Tries her luck every damn time, but also thinks we are simple creatures who won't notice her climb over from the other sofa along the back of the one we are on!

I don't know if it's twatty but my dog just loves housework. Seeing me pick up a duster and bucket and she starts whining with anticipation. She jumps on just made beds and rolls around; squashes plumped cushions and regularly pinches my j cloths. Every action is followed with great interest and delight. The climax is vacuuming. I say "right, where's Henry then?" and she runs to the cupboard, crying, then spends many happy minutes chasing the brush head and barking. It certainly makes housework less of a boring task.

Barks a my neighbour in her own garden as if she is an intruder despite seeing her every day and being quite happy to go in for a biccy with the kids. Also goes straight out to drink from the pond after every walk rather than own water bowl. Steals teddies from kids rooms to keep him company when we go out. Walks backwards into poor unsuspecting walkers when we are out because he won’t take his eye off the ball.

Cherrypie32 oh mine barks at the neighbour too like they are not allowed to be there then meets them at the front of the house and loves them to death!! silly bugger

yoko what goes through the heads of these otherwise intelligent creatures!

I took PestDog to the cemetery today to visit a couple of relative's graves. Dogs are allowed, but I hadn't taken him before.

I had to stop him from trying to dig up DGF 😱 Luckily he would have seen the funny side!