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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

AIBU with Neighbours

34 replies

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 13:32

I have a 5 month old cocker spaniel puppy and whilst we were on holiday my neighbours looked after her. Once we arrived home they informed us that they had taken her to the vet for constipation and as a result have changed her diet to kibble (she has always been on raw diet) and my neighbour was extremely confrontational telling us that the vet said we are feeding her the wrong diet and we are killing her. My husband & I are absolutely livid that they made no communication with us (text would have done if they didn’t want to call) and have given her a diet that we strongly oppose. We provided all her food before we left as we didn’t expect them to buy it for her. The day after we got her back she had the worst stools foul smelling and runny that she’s ever had in her life. I contacted our vet to find out exactly what had happened & she informed me that my neighbours had been boning & cooking the meat for her which she advised was not a good diet for the dog as cooking it will dry the meat out hence the constipation and that a raw diet is perfectly fine for a growing puppy. We have now decided to cut the neighbours off and not speak to them again but I’m wondering if this is a bit far I’m just so angry about the situation. Any advice please

OP posts:

tabulahrasa · 13/10/2017 13:41

I think it's a bit harsh if there was any chance they weren't sure what they were supposed to be doing with the raw feeding...

Original poster

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 13:46

We did go through it all before we left and created a feeding plan for her so they knew exactly what to give and when & we made it clear that she is only to have raw and definitely no kibble. I feel a little bad that they did us a favour and it seems that we’re being ungrateful but that isn’t the case I’m just so angry that they didn’t get in contact before making this decision in our behalf.

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Thewolfsjustapuppy · 13/10/2017 13:50

To be fair there are very opposing views on raw feeding so if they googled it and happened to open a very anti raw page they could have fallen for all the rubbish that you can find on the internet. People can have very strong views when it comes to pet care and for some reason feel that its their right and duty to inform everyone else just how wrong they are. Your neighbours made a mistake do you really want to cut them dead? seems a little bit ott. Just agree to disagree and carry on.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 13/10/2017 13:51

They were doing you a favour sounds like they didn't know what they were supposed to but didn't fully understand, got it a bit wrong and it snowballed. They got the puppy help when it needed it, that was a caring and right step The puppy is fine, I'd focus on that. Nothing that happened was out of malice

Hire a proper pet sitter next time.

BlueCows · 13/10/2017 13:52

Yabu to cut them off. They did you a favour, sounds like they misunderstood, were worried about the dog and took it to the vet.

Don't ask your neighbours for a favour again and use a professional.

BlueCows · 13/10/2017 13:53

Maybe they didn't get in touch because they didn't want to spoil your holiday or worry you?

Original poster

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 13:55

I hindsight I wish we’d put her in kennels but they were so adamant that they wanted her for the week (they’ve been very ott with her since we got her) I think the fact that they gave us a lecture about how badly we’re treating our dog by feeding her raw has added fuel to the fire, they were very aggressive about it plus they had been cooking the meat which my vet said was likely to have caused the problem. I think they treat our dog like it’s theirs, dishing out advice and opinions, they also bought her a coat & hat for the cold weather which I found ridiculous!

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Original poster

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 13:57

Sorry just to add, we didn’t ask them to have her, we mentioned we were going on holiday one morning and they knocked the same night and said they will have her, I appreciate I should have refused but as they were so keen I thought it would be ok.

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BlueCows · 13/10/2017 20:22

Just decline in future, try and keep them at arms length but be polite. No point causing a potential rift by ignoring them.

rightsaidfrederickII · 13/10/2017 20:57

Sounds like people who were a bit misguided but ultimately trying to do their best?

Not worth causing a rift over - they got confused over the cooking issue, took her to the vet when they were concerned something was wrong and followed professional advice. Yes, they should have spoken to you, and no I wouldn't be leaving the dog with them again overnight at least until confidence has been restored on both sides, but it's not like they let her play in the traffic / didn't feed her for a week / similar

JaneEyre70 · 13/10/2017 21:04

I think they were just doing their misguided best, and at least they took her to the vets. And you're very fortunate to have neighbours that offered to save you a few hundred pounds in kennel fees. I'd smile, say thank you for looking after her and next time, find someone who is happy to follow your instructions. Raw feeding isn't for everyone, and at least she was well cared for. Try to see the positives.

Original poster

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 21:22

Thanks for all the comments, I think I will just try to be more dismissive rather than rude

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Original poster

Balinahome · 13/10/2017 21:24

I’d rather spend a few hundred pounds than leave her with them again, thanks guys

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Bluntness100 · 13/10/2017 21:28

I also think they were trying their best, sure they might have got it wrong, but they were looking out for her. Lots of dogs hate kennels and find it lonely and distressing, others thrive. I think I would talk to them gently rather than cause a rift.

SparklingRaspberry · 13/10/2017 22:51

I would be pissed off too!

It's not as if you quickly shoved the dog in the door and handed them the food. You explained about the dogs diet. If they weren't prepared to follow it they should've said so before taking on the dog

I'm also strongly against kibble. I would be FUMING if anyone looking after my dog changed her food. I would not feed any of my future kids a diet of McDonald's for a week so I certainly wouldn't feed my dog kibble or "normal" dog food as it's the equivalent to McDonald's!

So not only have they gone against your instructions but they've also not listened to the vet properly and told you what they THINK they heard. I don't think these are reliable people at all

I place my dog in a kennels if I need to. They're excellently rated and they're more than happy for owners to take in the dogs normal food. This is what I would recommend in future.

Ttbb · 13/10/2017 22:56

Just keep contact to a polite minimum and don't let them take your dog again.

LucieLucie · 13/10/2017 23:25

You sound demanding and entitled!

Who in their right mind gets a puppy then goes on a holiday?!

Your neighbour sound very kind, raw feeding us not for everyone. Maybe they didn’t appreciate raw meat and potential salmonella lying around their floors and the thought of it round the puppy’s mouth.

They took your dog to the vet and took the advice given. Kibble will not harm your dog, obviously the change in diet has caused an upset tummy which is far preferable to how your pup would have been in kennels!!

Have you compensated them for the vets fees? Home boarding costs £25 a night where I live, you’re bloody out of order falling out with these people who did a good thing for you.

If you didn’t want the feeding routine upset you shouldn’t have left the pup.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 13/10/2017 23:28

What's wrong with kibble?

BiteyShark · 13/10/2017 23:36

They probably didn't contact you so as not to spoil your holiday. Did you actually spend time going through what and how you feed your puppy? Did you leave clear written instructions?
Most kennels here won't look after dogs under 6 months of age and some won't feed raw. If you want people to follow your instructions then you should have put your puppy in kennels or with a paid pet sitter as it sounds like it was a very informal set up with miscommunication.

Oops4 · 14/10/2017 00:23

I do think they should have contacted you and are over stepping the mark by lecturing you but sounds like what they was for genuine reasons. I think you might struggle to find a decent kennel that will take that young a pup (and not sure why a pup being in a kennel is preferable to it being cared for in a home albeit having a bit of kibble). Many places round here won't feed raw. I don't blame them for cooking the meat, when my friend comes to stay with her raw fed dog I ask her to cook his food. There's nothing wrong with feeding cooked meat as long as it's done right but like raw diets, it's easy to get wrong. It also sounds a bit like the vet might be telling you both different things. Do you buy a ready made raw food or do you do your own?

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It's not worth falling out with them over. You're obviously not comfortable letting them look after your pup again and that's fair enough but I'd keep it friendly

Original poster

Balinahome · 14/10/2017 09:06

Update. My neighbour was banging on my door at 7:30 this morning because they saw her in the garden on her own & they were worried about her!! My home is not attached so my neighbour cannot see into my garden from hers. I politely informed them that I found their ott behaviour to much and that they are far too intrusive and I’m grateful for them looking after our dog we will put her in kennels or with my SIL when we go away in the future. I’ve since had an email from them with a link to a site by some uneducated hippy about the dangers of a raw diet 🙄

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Original poster

Balinahome · 14/10/2017 09:10

I also contacted my vet to find out about the consultation & she advised that she did an anal & abdominal examination and found there to be no issues with my dog, she also advised them to stop cooking the meat and give it raw as cooking it draws out the moisture which could be the reason she might have been struggling to pass it.

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bastardkitty · 14/10/2017 09:14

Time to ignore them. And I don't think thete is anything to suggest that they were well-intentioned.

monkeywithacowface · 14/10/2017 09:15

I have a 5 month old puppy and I wouldn't leave him with neighbours to go on holiday. I wouldn't leave him to go on holiday at this point full stop, precisely because it's a perfect opportunity for other people to create bad habits, feeding issues and behaviour problems for your dog. You should probably consider yourself lucky it's just a case of getting him back on the raw diet and a couple of day of the squits! The mistake was yours to leave a puppy with inexperienced people in the first place.

BiteyShark · 14/10/2017 09:23

Unfortunately as you trusted your puppy with them they will feel they are helping you. I would have never left my dog in that situation as it is a blurry situation and just like raising children people have very different opinions but when you pay for a service you can pick someone who will follow your instructions and have specified policies etc. Anyway I hope now you will pay for a proper sitter or kennels next time.

In this situation to nip things in the bud but also to mantain good neighbourly boundaries I would find a good source of the benefits of raw diet and go round and explain that you appreciate all that did but you will continue to raw feed etc. Explain you have been given the go ahead by your vet. All the time be polite as they saved you a huge amount of money (did you offer to pay at any time?) and reimburse them for the vet visit (I happily pay for any vet visit for my pet sitter as they have to make a decision at the time and I would rather have vet bills than them worrying or my dog poorly).

Remember you encouraged them to get involved so be polite but firm to reestablish clear boundaries.

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