I made that tough decision

[citybumpkin]

Yesterday I made that tough decision re my 14 year old dog. I'm now regretting it. He was old/tired and I think it was time but I wanted him to go naturally, overnight. I'm also thinking that I didn't do enough for him throughout his life. I miss him beyond words.

Just checking to see if you're doing ok city bumpkin. And to send a hug

So sorry for you puppydogmummy How are you doing? I'm still struggling with the loss of my ddog. Its my first day back in work and I'm dreading going home to an empty house. I have photos of him all around my office desk and someone even made me a calendar of him as a xmas present (obviously not knowing he was so poorly).

The guilt hits me in waves. Right now, I'm sat thinking of all the hours I left him alone while I worked but I trained him to cope without me. I suspect he mostly slept, drank water, nibbled a bit of food and occasionally barked at the world as it passed by. In the last few months of his life he was noticeably older, slowing down, sleeping more and wouldn't even bother to raise himself from the futon to greet me. He was my dog but not quite the same. He was obviously struggling. I also feel guilty for not spending enough time with him in the evenings but then again he was too tired. I once spent hours walking him, playing with him, training him but towards the end he could only manage a few minutes of toy play before he became tired. I would spend time in the evenings massaging his legs, willing him to carry on with life but it just wasn't enough.

We grieve so much as we loved so much.