Im pregnant & want to rehome our dog - DP won't hear of it

[SausageDogGeorge]

We got the dog, a Labrador, as an 8 week old puppy after I had a miscarriage just before last Christmas - I think I just wanted something to replace what I had lost & because of my age (I'm 41) I thought it would be difficult to conceive again so getting a puppy seemed a good idea. I did lots of research and we got the puppy on 11 May. I found out I was pregnant again a few weeks later!

Having a puppy is so much harder than I ever, ever imagined. I work from home so am on my own with him from when my DP leaves the house at 7am until he gets home at the earliest 7.30pm - normally later due to his work.

I am absolutely miserable with it. He chews everything - barks, pulls on his lead, despite trying to train him and putting time into him. The house is a tip with dog hair everywhere which I absolutely hate. I'd never had a dog before and really, really regret getting him. I struggle to work effectively as I'm constantly jumping up to stop the dog doing something he shouldn't be doing!

I also have 2 DC age 11 & 14 and I just feel overwhelmed with trying to look after the dog while looking after the DC, working 4.5 days a week and running a home.

The thought of having to look after the dog whilst on maternity leave & with a newborn baby fills with with dread. I just don't want to do it and feel that rehoming the dog now is for the best. The problem is my DP won't hear of it. He adores the dog.....but then I suppose I would if I only saw him for 2 hrs max a day when he's calmed down and will fall asleep on the sofa.

I just don't know what to do. The thought of keeping the dog depresses me, and after having PND after having my daughter I'm terrified I'll get it again......more because of the stress of the dog than anything else.

DP just keeps saying the dog will get easier but the more I read about Labs, the less I think that is true.

What can I do? I'm absolutely at my wits end

Having said that, we got through the other puppy stages - he no longer nips or bites, he has a beautiful temperament, sleeps through the night in his crate without a peep out of him, travels nicely in the car, sits to be let through a door and for his meals (ie sits to say please) and is lovely around children.

What is the problem, then?

Honestly, I don't get it. I get that you don't want him, but I can't understand why.

If your children love him so much, why aren't they stepping up with the training / cleaning up/ etc?

I don't like the look of a lot of the people on Borrow My Doggy. You wouldn't just hand over your dcs to some random off the internet to look after and I wouldn't do that with my dog, either. I'm not saying they're bad people on BMD, necessarily, but there seem to be a lot of "pouty selfie" girls on there.

All I can see is that you've got a problem with dog hair. Buy a better hoover?

Rhoda that's my worry. I volunteer for the Cinnamon Trust and you have to apply, supply references and carry ID. There are also rules I have to follow.

I think you need more help OP - from your DH, from your (almost grown up) children and most importantly from a proper dog trainer. There is really no substitute for a decent puppy trainer - I grew up with two spaniels in the family which as a breed are notorious for "dying half trained". Despite being very experienced with other breeds, my DP's needed outside help with that particular breed (or possibly those particular dogs!) It seems you are trying (and failing) to do everything on your own.

Personally I think you should re-home this dog while it's still young.

But if for whatever reason you don't, you need to allow the kids to walk him. So what if he pulls on the lead? Take the kids out and the dog and show them how you deal with it.

Sit your DH down and ask him what he is going to do in order to help the dog remain in the house.

If it's to remain, you will all need to pull together and you need to allow your children to help out.

I do sympathise we have a 13 week old miniature schnauzer and there are days when I think what the heck have we done??!! Puppies are a huge amount of work.

BUT I do think a good trainer and more support from the rest of the family would help you a lot. having said that I wouldn't judge you for rehoming.

It's really hard OP.
When DD was born I was totally over whelmed with our then 18minth old DDog. I was convinced regiment was the only option and it was heartbreaking.
Luckily we have a fantastic home boarding service we use and they agreed to have her for a month while I got my head straight. She was much easier to cope with once I was feeling better after birth and now she and DD are inseparable.
Could you put some plans into place to give you a bit of breathing space to make the decision in a calmer way?

Ignore your DH and rehome the dog. Rescue centres are full of cats and dogs that have been given up because of a new baby in the family. It's nothing they haven't seen before.

Is probably one of the most depressing and irresponsible attitudes that I've seen in a while.

I think even if there are no issues and the dog is an established family member, having a newborn is a difficult balancing act. Even with the best will in the world, the dog will be pushed aside.

In your case, I would Re Home it. It's upsetting but it's the best thing for the dog if he is aggravating you now, imagine finding dog hair in your new baby's mouth, trying to get everything done for your older two, and then being expected to bring him for a walk. Every day. After being up all night. You will lose the head and will be trying to find a new home in another few months. The poor dog deserves a happy life. Do it now and move on.

You misunderstood my post, veterinari.

Rescue centres see this situation all the time so they would be unlikely to make the OP feel better about getting rid of the dog because of the new baby.

Do you walk it ? They aren't there to merely look good you know.

Id get rid of the Mrs if she wanted rid of my dog. He gets at least 4 miles a day, including when im not there - she loves him as much as I do !

I understood your post Rhonda. It's sad and true.

It's a dog. It's not worth your mental health.

Rehome it and get on with enjoying your much wanted baby.

Tell your DH to fuck off if he objects.

It's a dog. It's not worth your mental health.

Totally agree. The way people anthropomorphise dogs here is bananas. It's an animal at the end of the day. Why should you make yourself miserable when the dog could be rehomed and just as happy somewhere else?

Congratulations on your much wanted baby.

would prefer to rehome him with someone we know so that I know he is well cared for and happy.

If you did your research and got him from a responsible breeder, they will take him back. Contact them and find out. The breeders I know would be devastated to learn one of their pups had been privately rehomed or signed over to a rescue.

A few PPs have suggested hiring a dog walker a few times a week, is this not an option?

Also I'm abit worried about your silence on not getting a dog again after this. Please don't. I have a relative like you, impulse bought puppy to replace baby shaped hole, then went on to have two babies, is now a sahm to school age children yet still the excuses come thick and fast as to why the dog's basic needs are still not being met - the dog is now 8 years old, 8 years it could have spent with a family and had a real good quality of life.

Getting dog walkers or sending the dog to home boarding is just putting a sticking plaster over the basic problem, which is that the OP doesn't want the dog. Of course dogs' behaviour improves with age (well, they calm down a bit, at any rate) but no dog comes ready trained and even biddable dogs need a lot of work. I just think that if the OP is resenting the work that the dog causes now, it's only going to get 50, nay 100, times worse when you add in a new baby. Walks, dog hair, vet emergencies... these are all things which are often tiresome for a person unencumbered with small children, but when you've a baby to cope with and you're not even fond of the dog, well, give the poor dog a chance with someone who will welcome it into their home.

Ok. Solving the problems you actually outlined here.

Dog hair. I hate it too. I was vacuuming everyday until my husband bought a roomba which keeps the mess down to a dull roar. Lucky for you there are four people in your home able to operate a Hoover so everybody just runs it round twice a week or the three people who want a dog but don't look after the dog can do three times a week.

Barking. It's usually for a reason. Figure out why your pup is barking and make vocalising non effective for him. So if he wants attention everytime he barks walk out of the room. Labs are smart so he will figure it out pretty fast.

Chewing. You need a houseful of stuff pup can chew. Nylabones/benebones/chew toys/etc.

Pulling. Try turning. So, if pup walks on your left side, when he pulls turn left using your left knee to push his right shoulder around with you. He won't like it. You can either turn and walk away from the direction he wants to go in if he wants to go a specific way, or just do circles. He'll soon figure out if he pulls he doesn't get to go where he wants. You can also do the circles if he barks while on leash.

I suspect he's bored/wants attention. When you're working and need him occupied put his meal in a food dispensing toy or stuffable toy (Kong/sterile bone/westpaw stuffer/etc) (they last ages if you freeze overnight) and give him that to distract him.

I'd also echo going to a dog class with him. I'd actually consider having the kids go so they learn how to handle pup.

He is at the worst age for being a bit of an arsehole. Luckily it's easy to turn around.

It sounds as though he has all the hallmarks of a great dog OP.

My boy always pulled more badly if we were in a new place. They're clever so they know its a new and exciting place to discover. Pulling can be solved, its a really common problem in labs and its a bit of a battle to break. I remember being really fed up with walking mine in the puppy and adolescent phases but he walks like a dream now and I have only ever used a slip lead.

I can completely see why you would want to re-home. I just can't imagine life without my boy now. We often say that he is a tie and that we won't get another but when we go away without him we spend the whole time missing him and saying daft things like "oh dog would have loved that lake."

I know he's just a dog, but he's actually my best friend and I sort of wish you could have that. The hole he will one day leave in my life will be cavernous.

By the way..(sorry to go on, I'm a hopeless lab enthusiast.)

Do you work from home...I don't but if I am working on the computer dog hates it. He will get up on my lap and bang the keys with his massive clumsy feet and I can't see the screen. They're like children, after attention the whole time. I go to another room. He seems happier with that.

It doesn't sound like the dog is a problem, it just sounds like you don't want it.
Be honest, it was a nice distraction but now you've got a baby on the way you don't need the distraction any longer.
Even the most ardent dog haters KNOW that labs chew and shed hair. Doesn't sound like you did any research whatsoever before you got the dog, it filled a hole at the time but now it's no longer cute and actually, it's quite hard work, you want rid.
It doesn't matter what anyone says on this thread, you won't take any advice, you don't want the dog, you'll get rid anyway because you've got a nice cute baby to fill the gap in your life shortly.
Fuck the dog, someone else will pick up the pieces of your selfishness.

I'm guessing from your silence on the matter that the dog is alone in a house all day whilst you work. And you can't understand why it's acting up?!

I do feel your pain, my old german pointer died last year and we got a puppy when my daughter was 4 months. Maybe not the best decision ive ever made but i feel like we are responsible for him now. I do think its wrong to rehome dogs unless in extreme circumstances.

Do u even like dogs?

You need to get your children involved. Surely they are attached to their pet by now? It will give them a powerful negative message if you give up your pet so easily.
Dogs, when well trained, are great for children.
Your elder child at 14 could get involved with training classes. Leading onto agility which labs love, or lots of other dog sports. Having a pet teaches empathy, routine, care for someone other than yourself.
The walking is great for your kids and your dog, load them up to the nearest woods and fields and let them have a good romp around. Tired dogs are happy dogs.
Keep pup busy during the day with kongs and slow feeders. Labs love food so don't just feed them in a bowl scatter it around and make it into game, again it's using their brains and mentally tiring.
Get the kids to teach tricks and build a positive bond with the dog.
Rescues are overflowing please do the right thing by your pet.