Im pregnant & want to rehome our dog - DP won't hear of it

[SausageDogGeorge]

We got the dog, a Labrador, as an 8 week old puppy after I had a miscarriage just before last Christmas - I think I just wanted something to replace what I had lost & because of my age (I'm 41) I thought it would be difficult to conceive again so getting a puppy seemed a good idea. I did lots of research and we got the puppy on 11 May. I found out I was pregnant again a few weeks later!

Having a puppy is so much harder than I ever, ever imagined. I work from home so am on my own with him from when my DP leaves the house at 7am until he gets home at the earliest 7.30pm - normally later due to his work.

I am absolutely miserable with it. He chews everything - barks, pulls on his lead, despite trying to train him and putting time into him. The house is a tip with dog hair everywhere which I absolutely hate. I'd never had a dog before and really, really regret getting him. I struggle to work effectively as I'm constantly jumping up to stop the dog doing something he shouldn't be doing!

I also have 2 DC age 11 & 14 and I just feel overwhelmed with trying to look after the dog while looking after the DC, working 4.5 days a week and running a home.

The thought of having to look after the dog whilst on maternity leave & with a newborn baby fills with with dread. I just don't want to do it and feel that rehoming the dog now is for the best. The problem is my DP won't hear of it. He adores the dog.....but then I suppose I would if I only saw him for 2 hrs max a day when he's calmed down and will fall asleep on the sofa.

I just don't know what to do. The thought of keeping the dog depresses me, and after having PND after having my daughter I'm terrified I'll get it again......more because of the stress of the dog than anything else.

DP just keeps saying the dog will get easier but the more I read about Labs, the less I think that is true.

What can I do? I'm absolutely at my wits end

Don't beat yourself up sausage you're doing the right thing if you decide rehoming is the way to go. I acquired a flatcoat X lurcher 10 years ago only to discover I was pregnant 6 months later. I had her for competitive obedience and she was an amazing amazing girl, so clever and SO needed a whole lot of work every single day. Which is fine if you don't have a baby or any other huge ties but I was now pregnant and decided it wasn't fair to not give her a chance of the life she deserved. Broke my heart but she went to an amazing home with a great pack of dogs and is happily living out her days. Please do what's best for your family and for your lab. And don't listen to the nasty posts, you've been through enough by the sounds of it

Rehome him while he is young.

It doesn't make you a monster, you made a mistake. I looked after my DGM adult dog while she was ill for two months and she ruined my home. I'm due in three weeks and there is no way I'd have a dog to clean up after too.

If my DGM hadn't been able to take her back I'd have had to rehome her. Sounds awful but I couldn't have coped.

Wolfiefan the OP says she works from home (but is struggling to as the pup needs constant attention).

You're hopeless. There are a million ways available to get help, from dog walkers, dog schools, dog trainers etc, yet you just want to dump the dog on a new home. You've even got kids old enough to be involved. This is the same puppy that helped you when you were down. I have two rescue labs given up for just the same reasons. The male one had had four homes prior to us, he was just a year old. Yes rescues have met millions of people that give dogs up for the same reason. They dispair of them behind their backs.

But anyway, yes give the dog up. Let it find a home where it will be valued and loved. Go through a Labrador rescue if at all possible. They know what Labradors are like and won't rehome to someone who thinks they're an easy dog.

Rehome the dog and don't bother getting any pets again. There's no reason why you can't look after a dog. I have an 11 year old dog and I have a 6 yo, a 4yo and one on the way. There's no way I would get rid of my dog. Yes it's a pain in the ass when I just have the kids settled and I have to get them bundled up to walk the dog or I just have the baby sleeping and he barks and wakes him up but hey- joys of being a dog owner. When I took him on at 8 weeks old I took him on for life- not until something better came along.

I feel sorry for the dog. You have a 14yo and a DH to help.

Lesson learned me thinks unfortunately this happens all the time when cute little bundle of fluff gets older and starts chewing / being boisterous.

I too have a 6 month old puppy who has been a little star until recently with chewing etc (to be expected). I do feel your pain but the secret is to wear him out, get a dog walker to give him a good long walk (off lead if he is good with other dogs) . Get him some Kongs fill them up and freeze (takes longer to eat) just try and keep him occupied. He sounds like he's not being stimulated enough and seeing you sitting there wants attention. It's not rocket science.

I feel for you but think you are being unfair. You have older children get them to help out playing with him, keeping him occupied etc. At least give it a try before you give up on him he's just another baby crying out for attention.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I successfully rehabilitated a very troubled rescue dog for a couple of years. Then I got pregnant and had to do exactly what you're doing because of a number of circumstances, one of which was the dog's need for a calm environment. Some things you just can't foresee - when we got the dog I seemed infertile.

We put flyers up in over a hundred vets surgeries and eventually after some months found the perfect home. It was so much better a fit than ours for that dog at that time.

But an incredibly painful decision and a painful settling in process as well - we did several afternoons, building up to a weekend and then a week. The lady who took him said she couldn't have rehabilitated and retrained the dog herself but was so thrilled to have her in her restored state.

So sometimes rehoming is a positive thing, even when pregnancy forces your hand.

It's the OP's mental health that is the most important thing. It's impossible to explain to others but the feeling of not being able to do it and being at your wit's end is overwhelming. You may have read the books, done everything right but the reality is very different. It can feel desperate, overwhelming and never ending, never mind if you're pregnant as well!

OP, you will be fine. You will rehome responsibly, I know, and you will get through it,

I'm encouraging rehoming, too, because it the love's not there, then you can't force it, especially when you are going to be consumed with maternal love for a new baby (and quite rightly!).

It also sends a bit of a warning light that the older dcs don't seem to be very involved. It seems it was OP's dog to compensate for lost pregnancy. I am main carer for my dog, but he is the family dog and everyone walks him, gives him his dinner, knows all his commands and everything about him. (But of course he loves meeeeee the most )

I have to say we had a one year old dog when ds was born and I said if I'd known we'd actually conceive I wouldn't have gotten her. She's calmed right down now she's 4 but it's been a bloody nightmare.

I know dogs are part of the family but your mental health and coping is more important.

Thanks ilongforlustre for lots of useful advice

No need for conspiracy theories re the silence - just out for the afternoon (yes, the dog came too!)

wolfiefan the dog is with me all the time when I'm working. I sit and work at the desk in the dining room and he wanders around between the kitchen & dining room & outside. The only time we leave him is if we go to the supermarket / shop that we can't take him in.

Thanks all for the advice

gonetoseeamanaboutadog and bagel thank you

This monster will be three next month. He was a horror of a puppy- clever enough to train stubborn enough to ignore the training. He dig through a wall in his room because he could hear our neighbours. He destroyed every bed we gave him. He chewed through the cables to the sky box three times 🙈. Walks were generally a nightmare because he pulled and was reactive so it felt like I had zero control of him. I've worked so hard with him and have his reactivity under control, the destruction was shortlived thank god, and walking is better with a double ended lead and front led harness. I've tried all the normal methods of stopping when he pulls but because his pulling is so scent driven I have to know that I can still control him when he locks on to a smell. Labs are hard work but such caring loving dogs once the hard work has been done, I've been poorly this week and he hasn't left my side. If your husband and kids are willing to put in the work then you should consider keeping him. As for the hair get a furminator- brush him through outside and it will remove the loose hair.

OP wandering jn and out of rooms is not stimulation he needs plenty of walks and play !

Get the kids and OH to take him out and play with him it's plain to see the poor dog is bored !

Let this be a lesson to others do your research on breeds. Labs are quite honestly the most hard work - you should have got yourself a lap dog like a chihuahua and I'm not saying that nastily

Agree with pp about assessing fibula can cope with a grown up dog once they are trained and out of the puppy stage entirely. Is it affecting your productivity to the extent that your business is suffering? If not then your only big concern is maternity leave. Presuming you are in the uk, I would be speaking up DH about him taking a few months of parental leave for the first few months to give you a hand with the relentless nappy changing and feeding and dog combo. Given your previous experience with pnd I can understand why you are worried about it and if DH wants to keep the dog he should help you through the tough bit.

Your poor dog OP. It pains me to say but i really do not understand, nor particularly like, people like you. You said you had done all your research but it's obvious you haven't.

I feel sorry for your dog and I feel sorry for you that you are so anxious and overwhelmed that you cannot look after him or train him.

This little chap currently face-planting the floor in front of the fire was a complete nightmare as a puppy. I was out in the garden in winter coats at a flask of hot tea at 6am waiting up to an hour for him to do a wee. I got up in the middle of the night multiple times and held him when he started howling because he missed his dog mum and the litter in the first few weeks we took him home. I watched hours and hours of YouTube videos on his breed and how to train him. I took him to puppy classes. I didn't leave him on his own for the first 2 months and I make sure he is not on his own for more than 4 hours to this day. In return he has been a beautiful addition to our family and we love him very much.

Re-home the dog and tell your DP you have made a stupid mistake and you are miserable and the dog deserves better. In fact, why don't you show him this thread where everyone agrees you should not keep the dog (admittedly some have suggested this in a friendlier manner than others).

Hello OP, if I were you I would rehome him through your nearest Labrador Rescue. You should make them a generous donation also if you can .. and then you will know that you have done your best for your boy. Good luck with your pregnancy. If your DP does not agree he will have to take the dog to work with him or pay for doggy daycare.

The hair thing I can understand , labs moult a lot , my parents used to hoover the dogs to try and stop it falling on the floor , they used to love being hoovered

Poor dog. Hopefully his next owners are committed and responsible.

I do empathise OP, but in your shoes I couldn't live with the resentment from my children. I'm not sure my 15 year old would ever speak to me again. It sounds like 'in with baby, out with pup' and you need to tread carefully from your kids' point of view. Good luck.

Why didn't you adopt a child if that's what you wanted. Ooh yeah sorry you can't just dump them when it suits.

So your dog deserves to be confused scared and very unhappy for a while because you didn't do your research.

Sorry a puppy is not just for cuddles when your down. It is for life and you and your family are responsible.

There is such an issue with people not researching dogs.

I have never had, or know anyone who has had, a lab. I am well aware they can be difficult puppies, shed everywhere and need lots of exercise and stimulation.

I feel for the OP in one way, because she is clearly struggling. However dogs need people to stop buying them without researching them, buying them on a whim or as a filler when having a difficult time.

I am part of a couple of spaniel rescues and so many come through simply because the owners made a bad choice of breed or a bad choice in getting a dog at all. It's not right and random buying of dogs is fuelling the problem with people breeding left right and centre.

There seems to be loads of people wanting to buy a puppy, but not that many know about what it takes to look after them.

What on Earth did you expect from getting a puppy?

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