Im pregnant & want to rehome our dog - DP won't hear of it

[SausageDogGeorge]

We got the dog, a Labrador, as an 8 week old puppy after I had a miscarriage just before last Christmas - I think I just wanted something to replace what I had lost & because of my age (I'm 41) I thought it would be difficult to conceive again so getting a puppy seemed a good idea. I did lots of research and we got the puppy on 11 May. I found out I was pregnant again a few weeks later!

Having a puppy is so much harder than I ever, ever imagined. I work from home so am on my own with him from when my DP leaves the house at 7am until he gets home at the earliest 7.30pm - normally later due to his work.

I am absolutely miserable with it. He chews everything - barks, pulls on his lead, despite trying to train him and putting time into him. The house is a tip with dog hair everywhere which I absolutely hate. I'd never had a dog before and really, really regret getting him. I struggle to work effectively as I'm constantly jumping up to stop the dog doing something he shouldn't be doing!

I also have 2 DC age 11 & 14 and I just feel overwhelmed with trying to look after the dog while looking after the DC, working 4.5 days a week and running a home.

The thought of having to look after the dog whilst on maternity leave & with a newborn baby fills with with dread. I just don't want to do it and feel that rehoming the dog now is for the best. The problem is my DP won't hear of it. He adores the dog.....but then I suppose I would if I only saw him for 2 hrs max a day when he's calmed down and will fall asleep on the sofa.

I just don't know what to do. The thought of keeping the dog depresses me, and after having PND after having my daughter I'm terrified I'll get it again......more because of the stress of the dog than anything else.

DP just keeps saying the dog will get easier but the more I read about Labs, the less I think that is true.

What can I do? I'm absolutely at my wits end

[BagelGoesWalking]

I think you should rehome it too. You made a mistake, remember you were grieving, so stop being so hard on yourself, but now just get on with getting the dog a nice family.

This really. It is impossible to know how you will feel once you have a dog, let alone a puppy. You can read all the books in the world, do your research, talk to other dog owners, but being an owner is very, very different. It is useless to berate the OP for feelings that she didn't anticipate, she doesn't want to feel shit about all this, she was hoping she would sail through it and it would all be fine.

As you seem to have some other potential homes lined up, I think you really need to sit down with DP and have another talk about it. Of course he doesn't realise how much bloody hard work it is, he's never there!

[Spudlet]

Poor dog. Don't rehome him via gumtree etc as dog fighters use these sites to find bait dogs. A young lab would serve their vile purposes beautifully.

There are a number of specialist Labrador rescue charities, a search online should reveal your local one. They should be able to find a knowledgeable home.

I strongly advise you not to have another dog.

[redannie118]

I dont agree with the comment comment about changing 500-600 to re home a dog. Both of my dogs are rescues and we paid a 100 to the dog shelter. They both had health problems and behaviour issues due to the abandonment, we had to feed them up , multiple vet visits and training etc they are now both the picture of health and happy well adjusted dogs. There was no way we could have afforded 1000 pounds plus for them (especially considering extensive vet bills) .I think most shelter charge between 100-200 to make sure you are serious-in think that's plenty

[SausageDogGeorge]

Thanks for all the helpful comments - I understand why people are upset that I'm considering rehoming the dog - I completely agree that I should be able to look after it and give it the loving home it deserves however I'm admitting that I made a terrible mistake - and if we do rehome him, I will have to live with that decision.
I'd like to clarify that the dog is in no way mistreated; he is cared for, walked and is a happy dog who has responded well to training - I suppose as some people have said, he is displaying normal puppy behaviour (chewing, pulling etc) rather than being untrained. He is just very hard work and I am worried about my own mental health in the future if we do end up keeping him. My two DC do help out with him however until we have the pulling on the lead issue under control then they aren't able to take him for walks as he is too strong for them.

[Cisoff]

You'll get a hammering but I think if you're not a good family for the dog, or the dog is not a good fit for the family then it's kind to re-home them.

It should go without saying that of course you'd never re-home your kids, because, err, children trump dogs.

Labs are hard work, and that (combined with the hair) would drive me crazy. Dogs that are re-homed with a family that will love and care for them and is prepared for them mean that they will barely notice the difference.

[SausageDogGeorge]

spudlet I have heard of this happening and would never ever just advertise him on somewhere like gumtree. I would prefer to rehome him with someone we know so that I know he is well cared for and happy. I am not a monster - I am desperately unhappy with the whole situation and feel for the dog. I have tried my absolute best with him however as Bagelgoeswalking said - the reality of having a puppy is so very different to what you can read before getting a puppy.

[Auti]

Hi OP you made a mistake, who doesn't, don't beat yourself up about it.

Rehome the dog put word out with family and friends, maybe you could find someone in your circle who would take him/her.

Other wise contact the breeder, a good breeder would take a pup back and rehome for you or contact Labrador rescue.

Lab rescue south
Lab rescue north west

Good luck :)

[SausageDogGeorge]

Thanks Auti my DP knows how I feel and although he has said "no way" to the rehoming, he is realistic and knows that the situation can't go on as it is. Hopefully we could rehome him with someone we know but, if not, we can look into the specialist Lab rescues. Thanks

[duxb]

He won't be a puppy forever and it's a work in progress. You need to ask yourself whether you can cope with him once he calms down.

A dog should be a wonderful addition to a family, in 33 x weeks pregnant and our just over two year old border collie requires long walk morning and night, as well as lots of interaction during the day. We have been working to prepare her for the babies arrival and as a member of the family will work hard to ensure she is as settled as possible when the baby arrives. Clearly if she were ever aggressive then that's a different conversation however dogs are part of the family and should be treated as such.

If you can't offer that the dog then you need to re-home and make an effort to do so ensuring the dogs safety. It's not his fault & people giving up is all too common.

[ilongforlustre]

Hi OP,

I have a lab, he's 5 now and for the past three years he has been the calm, sedate dog I always wanted... near perfect in fact. The first two years, well, he was never a chewer but he pulled on the lead like yours does, his recall was dodgy due to extremely selective deafness and he was very bouncy. Nobody told me about the food obsession either...

We worked really hard with him, found an excellent trainer and honestly he's brilliant now. The pulling I solved by stopping every time the lead went taught, he would shuffle back into position and soon gave up as he was intelligent enough to realise we weren't getting anywhere fast!

I think your children could help, a halter stops the pulling, I'm not that keen on them myself but I've seen them work for lots of people. Get them to train him, labs are generally an easy train (do anything for a treat) and my son got quite into it when he could see results. A good dog training club is a lifesaver. He can be the dog you imagined.

Re-home if you really can't see a way through but please, do it through a decent rescue, lab specific if you can.

There were times when I would happily have re-homed mine (or left him running amok in the field on his own...git). But I can't imagine life without him now. He adores us you know? We're his really.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Get a no-pull harness? Head Halti, or Sporn.

I don't understand how a 14-year-old can't walk a Labrador. This should not be a problem.

[galaxygirl45]

Look online for Labrador rescue organisations close to you - these are always brilliant at assessing the dog and finding the right home for them. I think you are doing what's best for the dog by finding it a loving and deserving home. Puppies need love, boundaries, lots of exercise and mental stimulation and if they don't get that, they will misbehave. It's a huge commitment to train a dog and he deserves that time and attention - none of this situation is his fault. There are hundreds of rescue organisations online that specialise in breeds, rather than shelters.

[Twogoats]

People who do this should be banned from ever having a pet again.

[RhodaBull]

I had a very tough start with my dog. I posted on here in distress and I was crying with the difficulty of it all. He pulled so hard he ripped the muscles from my shoulder. I had to invest in a dog personal trainer and do weeks of back to basic training myself to get him to not pull. That being said, we all adored him from day one and I'd have kept him even if he'd ripped all my limbs off.

So, given that you don't want him, and your dcs seem ambivalent - my dcs of a similar age are devoted to our dog - it would seem the best option for the poor dog to find him a nice home where he will be loved. Clearly you will have little time for him after the baby arrives and if you don't much like him now then it will only get worse.

[GinIsIn]

So the puppy was a convenient little fluffy crutch for you when you needed one but now you can replace it with a baby, it's out?! Nice!!

Yes you made a mistake but you made a mistake with a living creature - that's pretty high odds!

Rehome through a reputable rescue. Do not put the dog on gumtree. Do not drag this out for ages as it will be distressing to the dog and the DC, and do not ever get another dog as you clearly can't offer the stability one needs.

[Costacoffeeplease]

It pisses me off to no end that people get puppies, realise that they actually have needs, and then ship them off to a shelter or new home.

Me too, once they're no longer cute, and just act like a puppy they're out

Re-home him responsibly asap and never get another animal

[Mybugslife]

I'm certainly not one for rehoming animals when they suddenly become inconvenient, however, I think your dog would be happier in another home. You clearly don't have as much time for it as you should and that time will decrease when baby comes.

I disagree with the 'normal puppy behaviour' comments. I really think this comes down to proper training and proper time to do that training.
When my dd was 2 we decided we wanted a puppy. It was a huge decision that we didn't take lightly. I did months of research on cost, breeds, training etc etc and decided to get a lab.
DP and I spent hours training him as a puppy, pretty much from as soon as he came home more for the fact that I needed to know he was going to be safe in the family home.
He's now 3 and I've never ever had any problems with him (apart from an expensive trip to the vet after he broke a nail - what a wimp)

He needs someone who will put in the work.

[Puppymouse]

I think you've taken the harsh comments on the chin OP and admitted your mistake and been honest.

But your poor dog. I had a bad start introducing DD to our retriever when she was born. He was terrified of her and I was so worried about what the future held. But it would have killed me to part with him.

He's bouncy and he pulls but you have to be patient, consistent and now it's wonderful having him as part of our family and my DD is learning how to be gentle with animals.

[SausageDogGeorge]

ilongforlustre your post really gives me hope! Thank you! I always knew having a pup would be difficult and I thought we would get the difficult months / years out of the way before we got pregnant again (if ever) as it turns out I got pregnant again straight away and it's the thought of the giddy, bouncy dog with selective hearing (same as you describe) that I have now, that completely overwhelms me with the prospect of having a newborn too.

My 14 year old could walk him Koala however I want to sort out the lead pulling first (as it is very hard work) before asking him to. I am using a Canny Collar and he has responded very well to it as long as we are on his familiar, morning walk. As soon as we go anywhere else new he goes crazy again, pulling on the lead (even with the canny collar on).

I know I probably give the impression that I aren't putting anything into him, if so - that is not the case. I have spent a lot of time trying to train him, he has responded well but seems to have developed selective hearing (as a lot of pups do in adolesence from what I've heard?) hence why I feel at my wits end with him now. Having said that, we got through the other puppy stages - he no longer nips or bites, he has a beautiful temperament, sleeps through the night in his crate without a peep out of him, travels nicely in the car, sits to be let through a door and for his meals (ie sits to say please) and is lovely around children.

[SausageDogGeorge]

Rhoda - I too am in distress, hence my post. My 2 DC are not ambivalent - they love him which is making me feel a million times worse about the possible decision to rehome him, and obviously I never, ever wanted to (or thought I would) be in his situation!

[SausageDogGeorge]

I have taken the harsh comments on the chin puppymouse, you're right - and that's because I completely understand why people are upset. As I have said previously, i am very upset by this possible decision; it isn't one im taking lightly by any means. I would be the first to agree "a puppy is for life" etc - I posted on here because I am struggling with this and can't even admit to friends/family in RL how I feel!

I am not excusing what I have done BUT I am really, really struggling and I have my family and the dogs best interests at heart when I am struggling to make this awful decision.

[Womble75]

Can totally empathise with you. We got a lab puppy 18 months ago. He's not my first but by God I forgot how stressful they can be at that age. My previous 2 were adults when j rescued them so the puppy stages I had forgotten how hard they were. He's now calming down, at 18 months. We did training with him but like yours he is a bugger for pulling. I use a halter on him which he respects (it's an all in one that doesn't slip) else I could never walk him and he is getting better.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and to be honest I'm glad he's maturing. In all sense of the world I'm glad I persevered with him as he is an excellent house dog and brilliant with my young daughter. He's just a typical adolescent lab. It didn't help that for the first 12 months of his life he was in and out the vets for stomach issues so a lot of our training was stop start but we all love him to bits.
Can't your husband take him to classes at the weekend to help maybe with the DC's so it can be a "family" activity?
It does get better honestly.

[Wolfiefan]

The dog sounds frustrated and bored. If you work 4.5 days a week and partner is full time is it left alone for long hours? Perhaps a one to one training session and a dog walker could help. Or doggy daycare? Any friends who could help when baby arrives? (I'd love a lab to walk!!) There's also "borrow my doggy" but I'm not sure they do any checks on the suitability of the people joining.
I understand you were grieving when you got the dog. I also understand this must feel overwhelming. You have a choice. Either put in more or rehome. If you can't rehome to friends or family I second lab rescue.

[Blackfellpony]

I can sympathise a little as I had a 6 month old huge dog and human aggressive puppy when I fell pregnant.

I felt completely overwhelmed but it has worked and we are a fantastic team now. Yes, she's still horrible but she has saved my sanity more than once. Difference is I am a real dog person though and see dogs as family not just a dog?
I couldn't have ever rehomed her and found it rewarding to work through. I wouldn't have wanted to show DC that pets are disposable if they are difficult.

What worked was husband taking a much bigger role. While I deal with dogs he deals with baby and vice versa. When I was pregnant he walked her as I couldn't.
Puppies are annoying especially at that age but it will pass, it's the most common age for dogs in rescue and I wish people would think more before they do things. A working large breed was never going to be a good dog to have around if your trying to get work done

If you do rehome I would go through a proper lab rescue rather than selling privately.

[UnGoogleable]

Definitely rehome him - perhaps put him with one of the specialist rescue sites, like Labrador Rescue, and keep him until someone suitable comes along.

That way your DH can see that he's going to a happy loving home and will hopefully feel better about letting him go.

You know what you did is wrong, but you're trying to do the right thing now. Credit where it's due. Some people would just ignore the poor dog and chain it up for its entire life, so at least you're looking for a happy way out for all involved.