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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Ex wants dog back- whats reasonable?

101 replies

rumred · 28/09/2015 20:45

Hello all

relationship ended last week after 9 months, no major issue, just not compatible in the main. she asked me to have her dog in January- I agreed as she was very unhappy with him and he had a pretty poor quality of life- few walks, left alone, not allowed lots of places, and consequently he shit and pissed inside regularly. im part time, have a dog and walk lots so I took him reluctantly and asked around for people to take him on permanently, as did she. anyway, he settled in and my dog and him are very happy, enjoy being together and he's part of the local community . and he's grown on me, I'm very fond of him now, he's part of the family. and he's a happy, proper dog

tonight she rang and demanded him back. I imagined we'd sort some shared care thing. no. she's reinvented history and he had a great life and she loves him. and more importantly he's her dog, she owns him. I'm completely thrown. he would have a shit quality of life with her and as I said he's settled in and is happy here. he stayed with her son when we went away for a week and it was awful- he was unhappy, cried a lot, son didn't enjoy it or walk him, although miraculously now he wants him back (son is adult so should be able to look after him)

I don't want to do the wrong thing. any thoughts please?

OP posts:

Salene · 28/09/2015 22:44

Surly wind your neck in . He isn't asking your advice on the in and outs of if he should of dated her..!

OP you don't need to justifie yourself to abyone

Back to the original question

No do not return the dog

Text her saying you gave the dog to me, he is my dog now.

Get it chipped and don't reply again to her

Greyhorses · 29/09/2015 07:17

I would text her saying no she can't have it back and block her number.

If she continues I would tell her you are billing her for the costs of 'home boarding' the dog over the last 9 months, after all you have cared for and spent money on it, charge her for the food, walking, flea and worm, vet treatment, grooming etc.
She will most likley back down once money is involved.

HSMMaCM · 29/09/2015 08:46

Just get the dog vet registered and chipped. If she claims it's hers then let her fight for it. If it looks like she's winning then make a list of costs. Do you know anyone she contacted about rehoming the dog, so you can say that's why you rehomed it?

Original poster

rumred · 29/09/2015 11:45

Thanks again for the comments. A lawyer friend recommends a letter stating facts, especially the request she made that I keep him when I first took him in. She's said she'll come for him Friday night as she's over near my house -she lives 30 miles away. And she still has a key unfortunately.
Fellow dog walkers I spoke with this morning agreed with what people on here have said, and that he's a different dog since living with me and getting used to socialising. So I will see what happens.

OP posts:

lougle · 29/09/2015 12:14

You can change your locks quite easily. Get him chipped.

SunshineAndShadows · 29/09/2015 18:55

Get your locks changed ASAP. Tell her clearly that she's not having the dog back and she's not to come around. Get him chipped and registered

KiwiJude · 29/09/2015 20:10

What SunshineAndShadows said. Also, if it were me I would book my dog into the kennel for the night so he is not there should she turn up.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 29/09/2015 20:17

I agree that you should change your locks to prevent her entering. And get the dog chipped too. This is your dog now.

Original poster

rumred · 29/09/2015 20:30

Consensus it seems. I'm getting a new lock barrel tomorrow just in case. Seemed an extreme idea when lougle mentioned it but I've thought about it and I think she's capable of being underhand.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 29/09/2015 20:34

Please get him chipped etc. urgently it does register the dog to you IYSWIM.

Original poster

rumred · 29/09/2015 20:40

I have a feeling he's chipped to her ex whose address she doesn't know. She has no papers for him. Could I have another chip ?

OP posts:

hatters · 29/09/2015 20:48

They do scan for chips before putting a new one in. Not sure how they'd take an explanation about exes that you don't have the name or address for!

definitely didn't forget cat was chipped and try to get her chipped again

SWFARMER · 29/09/2015 20:56

Say you don't know who that is and you got the dog however many months ago?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 29/09/2015 21:07

No don't say that, that sounds like you've bought a stolen dog. Just be honest about it. You could try asking if they'll re-chip him to you but it does look a bit suspicious. I don't know what the procedure is for changing information in a chip without proof of ownership. I'd hope it's quite difficult actually, otherwise what's the point of chipping? Anyone could change the details.

Anyway. Worth asking.

knackered69 · 29/09/2015 22:43

My dog was previously owned by my friends parents and the dog was chipped and registered with them. Unfortunately they both died, and my friend and her sister couldn't really take her on, due to work, other pets etc.

She came to us a month ago and she is luffly and settled really well!

Anyways - when she came to us I took her to the vets for a once over. He scanned her chip for me and gave me the number. My friend had the registration documents with pet trax but in her dads name, and he had obviously died so there was no proof of transfer of ownership. So my friend wrote a letter to pet trax outlining the situation and stating that as the deceased owners daughter she was happy for me to own the dog, and also gave me a copy of his death certificate. Sent it all off with a covering letter and filled in a form they were okay.

HSMMaCM · 30/09/2015 07:05

Take the dog to get chipped. If it's already chipped, the vet will tell you. If not, then you're sorted. If it's already chipped get the contact details of the company and see what you can do without involving your ex.

QuietTiger · 03/10/2015 19:03

If the dog is already chipped to someone and you register with the chipping company as the new owner without the "transfer paperwork" then the chip company will write to the previous owner.

if the previous owner fails to respond to them within 28 days, the chip company then transfers the chip details into your name.

I know this as I had to deal with a dumped cat that was chipped to an old owner who refused to have him back, or engage with me or the vet regarding signing over the cat and chip.

Just be aware that it may not be as straight forward as it seems. I would personally start with producing a vet paper trail (Vaccinations, etc) as well as getting them to check for a chip.

Original poster

rumred · 03/10/2015 19:30

thanks for all the advice.

I took him to my vets today as he's not vaccinated. turns out he's not chipped either. will be getting that sorted, and neutering. ex has not mentioned him and didn't turn up last night to collect him as she'd said she would. A lawyer friend has advised me she'll need to go to court to challenge me; Ive found texts from January when she asked me to take him and I agreed. also ones saying she was asking people about rehoming. so looks like he's staying and I'm hoping we can be amicable about it. dog very happy, as am I

OP posts:

ThisFenceIsComfy · 03/10/2015 20:00

Great news OP. Get him chipped ASAP. Change your locks. Even without the dog issue, you don't need your ex having access to your house.

Here's to you and your doggy chum. Give him lots of cuddles!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 03/10/2015 20:04

What a relief for you. Glad you've sorted it out.

Original poster

rumred · 04/10/2015 22:23

There'll be more to come but I'm clear now that he needs to stay put. Even with his heart murmur and dislocated knees (had heard nothing about health problems til we saw my vet).... All good for now

OP posts:

CrumbledFeta · 05/10/2015 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

rumred · 05/10/2015 11:46

I don't think she meant to mistreat him feta, just her lifestyle and foibles meant he had a pretty miserable life- in my opinion. I despise any cruelty but living in a community where dogs live outside in crappy conditions I have to accept life is far from perfect for lots. That's not condoning shitty behaviour but understanding the limits of what I can do. But I can give this dog a happy life and I will. And I'll hold my nerve.

OP posts:

honeyroar · 05/10/2015 21:14

Phew, I'm glad it sounds like it's workng out for you and the dog.

If she rings, first of all say that the dog is happy and settled with you and your dog, who he loves. Tell her that she'd have to be really cruel to take hm away from that. Secondly, mention your lawyer friend's opinion, and thirdly mention that you've had him chipped and neutered and are having his medical conditions investigated and that she'd have to find a few hundred for that if he came back (and that insurance wouldn't cover it). Chances are you won't hear another peep about her having the dog.

And finally pray that she doesn't go and get another dog.

Original poster

rumred · 18/10/2015 21:23

Well ex has been in touch tonight demanding dog back. I said he needs to be where he's happy. He can be happy with her was her response. I'm sitting on a long text message outlining that he's not a belonging and that she didn't want him and I have the texts re this. Obviously there were discussions too at the time. Only slight problem is she won't let me have my stuff back if I refuse to hand him over. We're talking £400 worth. But I can take the hit. I think I'm angry actually. With myself for being with someone who's pretty horrible, and with her for being horrible. Think I'll speak to lawyer friend or maybe just bite the bloody bullet and say no again. I'm scared of her reaction too.

He's getting chipped in a few weeks. Maybe I'll bring it forward. Just venting really. Oh and I'm a woman, think someone upthread mentioned me as male. Not that it makes any difference.

OP posts:

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