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The doghouse

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Original poster

My dog went for my 18 month old

143 replies

tobytoes · 07/01/2014 19:10

I have two Bichon Frise both have been spolit since ive had them,one is 8 and the other 7. Since having my baby they have been okay with her,just curious but never showed any sign of aggression atall. Now my daughter is getting older and has found her feet she has also realised we have the two dogs and will not leave them alone,she pulls their ears hits them all sorts,everytime I tell her off and I have showed her countless times how to stroke them nicely. Today she grabbed the older dog by his ears and would not let go I was shouting and trying to get her hands off him and the dog went for her just as she released her grip,I managed to pull her up as i already had hold of her hands. My question is what do i do? This is not my dogs fault and my husband is all up for shipping them off to his mums to live. What would you do?

OP posts:
PeanutPatty · 08/01/2014 22:54

My 17mo has never pulled the dog's ears. It is possible. Will take time but you will get there.

PeanutPatty · 08/01/2014 22:56

So very sorry for your loss Toby. Don't beat yourself up over your daughter's behaviour. It's never too late to start to change it it really isn't.

Original poster
tobytoes · 08/01/2014 22:59

Today when i let the dogs in the front room she went straight for them and me stopping her started off more tantrums and screaming. I did take her to the dog and let her stroke him and she was very good and so was my dog but then when I say "come on then lets go play" she wants to play with the dogs again. Im hoping she will get bored of them.

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Original poster
tobytoes · 08/01/2014 23:04

Thanks peanut I love my little girl so much and it took us ages after our loss to get pregnant again and she was soooo unbelievably wanted. It doesnt help that my husband seems tobhave lost his love for the dogs and that really upsets me. Those two dogs have helped us through the darkest days of our lives and he just wants to ship them off.

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saintmerryweather · 08/01/2014 23:07

For your dogs sake I would see if your MIL is willing to look after the dogs for a year or two, then you could have them back when your dd is a bit older.

PeanutPatty · 08/01/2014 23:10

And there is nothing wrong in wanting a child so much!

In your situ I would allow very short supervised interaction with one dog and then before she has a chance to shave inappropriately redirect her onto something else non-dog related. Have you tried ignoring the bad behaviour? Sometimes attention for bad behaviour just fuels it? Eg my youngest crashing our blinds and they look like they are going to be pulled down, the more I say no the more he does it so its all about distraction here.

Wrt your husband I reckon family time with the dogs. Nice walks out and stuff. Dogs can be hard work when you've a young family and there have been times when my husband has been less than keen when we had two Under 2's and the dog to care for/exercise.

Original poster
tobytoes · 08/01/2014 23:15

Yes i have noticed the more i say no the more she does it. Maybe i should try ignoring her bad behaviour.

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Original poster
tobytoes · 08/01/2014 23:17

My husband has upset me so much throughout all this,ifeel so alone with all this going on. He doesnt seem to care. I feel guilty because of the dogs and i try and giv them as much attention as i can once baby is asleep,woukd be easier if husband would give them attention aswell.

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JumpingJackSprat · 08/01/2014 23:18

Can mil look after the dogs for a year or so until the baby is old enough to understand?

EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 08/01/2014 23:23

(((Toby)))
I'm sorry about your loss too, and glad you've got your DD. It does sound tough but you're doing the right thing.

morethanpotatoprints · 08/01/2014 23:28

Sorry OP, but I agree with yout dh.
I know its hard as you love your dogs and its easy for others to say.
Ask yourself who is more important your dc or dogs, because it sounds like you can't have both.
It may seem harsh but everybody I know who has been in this position the dogs were gone with immediate effect.

NorksAreMessy · 09/01/2014 07:05

toby don't be despondent, that was only day one, it will get better.

There a lots of resources online about helping your child to look after dogs and be careful around them.
Dogs don't need 'attention' as much as they need exercise and a safe place to nest. They will not hold a grudge against you if your attention is with your daughter for a while.
If you are feeling guilty for them, an extra walk would make them happier than anything, and would help to get screaming toddler out of the house for a bit :)

It is more worrying that your husband doesn't seem to be helping, but seems to be putting obstacles in your way. Does he not like the dogs?

Lilcamper · 09/01/2014 07:20

Have a look here for some resources on coping with dogs and children Dogs and Children

bronya · 09/01/2014 07:53

I also have a small dog and a one year old child. I love both of them dearly, and have NEVER allowed my child to even get close to hurting the dog. It really wouldn't be fair on my dog at all.

He has learnt to leave her alone, the way he's learnt to leave the dishwasher alone, or my computer. You can teach a child that age 'No.' and they do understand. Mine also understands 'Leave it'. They co-exist in the same space without issues, but I never leave them alone for a minute, for the dog's sake more than anything else. She is so much smaller than him, and although he doesn't mean any harm, he could very easily hurt her.

I'm shocked that your child has actually pulled ears/tail hairs etc. That sounds horrible for your poor dogs. In your case, because (for now) your child doesn't respond to being told 'No', they are better separated physically at all times, so in different rooms until your child begins to understand that there are actions that are not allowed. I would then work on that 'No,' not just for this situation but for all things - it's very very useful!

bronya · 09/01/2014 07:55

Btw, her tantrums when you say 'No.' are normal. That's just her being disappointed in not being allowed to do something. Don't feel bad, she needs to learn that some things aren't allowed and to deal with that feeling of not getting what she wants. It's an important part of toddlerhood.

Booboostoo · 09/01/2014 08:18

How about letting your MIL take the dogs for a few months until DD is older and can understand about rules around dogs?

Original poster
tobytoes · 09/01/2014 09:09

Sorry all fell asleep whilst in mid conversation. Im going to see how the next few weeks go. Thinking of asking mil to have the dihs a couple of days a week to give them all a break from each other. I dont want my dogs to live with her as shes a bit of a wild child (just got divorced) and is out alot day and night.

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Original poster
tobytoes · 09/01/2014 09:10

Going to continue with the no no no with daughter and she will have to learn. Im going to have to be strick.

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BeerTricksPotter · 09/01/2014 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tobytoes · 09/01/2014 09:23

Thanks for the link,will have a look when baby goes to bed. Ive asked my husband why he doesnt like the dogs anymore and he says he does but hes just saying it to make me feel better. Hes so different with them now its like theyre invisible to him. They are always so happy to see him when he gets home and if i dont say "dont forget to say hi to the dogs" he wont bother.

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Original poster
tobytoes · 09/01/2014 09:26

Thanks. Yes I know i must be firm and she will get usedto it. At the moment the gate is open shut open shut all day long. My daughter likes doing the washing up with me so its proving a bit tricky atm. :-( wanna cry.

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differentnameforthis · 09/01/2014 10:08

The problem is your daughter's behaviour, not the dog.

I don't know how old your child is, or how long this has been an issue for, but you must stop her hurting them! If I was treated like that, I may well want to bite someone!

The dogs need to be kept out of her way until she learns respect for them & their space.

differentnameforthis · 09/01/2014 10:11

It's not your 18 month old's fault, either. No, it's the parents fault for allow their child to treat their dogs so appallingly!

EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 09/01/2014 10:32

differentname, toby listened to the advice and she's making an effort.

differentnameforthis · 09/01/2014 10:39

I am sorry if I have been a bit harsh, op! It sounds like you have had some sound advice & I just want to add that you won't need to keep them apart forever! Your dd will soon learn & then everyone will be happier.