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The doghouse

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Original poster

What to do with an unwanted dog?

64 replies

Flatbread · 17/05/2012 13:35

Our neighbour's dog is around everyday. And every night Sad He knows he is not wanted, but has no dignity. I take him back to his owners twice a day. DH has gone at 9 pm and even 4 am to drop him off. But to no avail. Before dh or I reach home, the dog is back.

He is a lovely boy, handsome, gentle and affectionate. He is craving being a part of a family pack. His owners take care of him in the conventional sense of feeding him and grooming him, but are never around to actually pay any attention to him. He just jumps over their gate and hangs out at our home.

We try not to feed him, but feel really bad sometimes when we are treating our dogs, and he looks so hurt and sad that he isn't included. Then when we take our dogs out in the car, he stays behind and 'guards' our home and is soo excited when we come back. But the look in his eyes when we leave just breaks my heart...it is like he knows that he is not equal to our dogs, but he will take any scrap of love we have to offer.

But I don't want him around. It is hard to manage three dogs and every time we play with our dogs, he just tries to insert himself. Nor is he trained to obey, and it is tiring getting him to listen.

So, we can't seem to shame the owners into keeping him in check. We don't want to break relations with them either, as they are very influential in the area and we don't want to rock the boat (plus not sure if this will mean that they take care of their dog). We don't want to spend £5,000+ on fencing in our land. What are our options?

OP posts:
starwarrior · 17/05/2012 14:33

Dog is doing this because he can, and it sounds like you're reinforcing the behaviour because you feel sorry for him. Its up to you to stop him getting onto your property.
Would have thought you'd already have secure fencing if you've got 3 dogs..

Whoopydofoxpoo · 17/05/2012 14:49

Oh blimely its not the OPs fault !

OP I think you really need to speak with your neighbours to explain the problem - maybe they don't realise.

Intrigued to know why they are so influential in your area ?

Or if he is just wandering around - take him to your local dogs home as found dog (ensure that he will be rehomed and not PTS)

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 15:24

Just wrote a long reply and lost it...

I haven't spoken with the family about it being a problem, but we have made it a point to take their dog back two or three times a day and ring their bell. Most of the time they are not home, but surely they must still get the message? I would be mortified if anyone had to bring my dog home, it is a clear indication that the dog is being a nuisance.

Most of the dogs here are free to roam around and we do get a number of four-legged visitors. But most stay for a short while and then go home. This one parks himself 24/7. It is hard to ignore him, he rubs against you and begs for attention. And we do enjoy his company, he is a lovely, affectionate dog. But just don't want him here all the time!

Whoopy the family has owned all the land down here for generations and sold parcels off over time. Three generations of the family live on our street and it is a bit OTT to fall-out over a dog! The grandparents are sympathetic and tell us to hit the dog Shock so he doesn't come to us. We cannot punish the dog...but we do not want him here all the time.

We have a fence, but their dog jumps over. We don't want to erect high fences because we have deer and wild boar who cross the land to go to the forests yonder. Plus it is a big expense and hassle...for a dog that is not even ours!

OP posts:
Whoopydofoxpoo · 17/05/2012 15:30

Poor dog - I feel sorry for it too .

I think that you really must speak with neighbours - if dogs are used to wandering around perhaps they really don't realise what a nuisance it has became to you.

Agree about not putting a fence up when it is not your dog causing the problem ans I wouldn't hit the dog either.

Booboostoo · 17/05/2012 16:17

Poor, poor dog!

I appreciate he's not your dog but couldn't you possibly find room in your family for him? Even if the neighbours acted they would only tie him up or fence him in so his life would be a lot worse than it is now.

SnoopyKnine · 17/05/2012 17:07

Poor dog I would just adopt him and be done with it.

Not sure what you mean when you say "He knows he is not wanted, but has no dignity"

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 17:29

I feel sorry for him too, but I don't want to adopt him. For one, I think there will be problems when our puppy Hugo grows up. They both are very food driven (not surprising since Hugo is his son) and I definitely do not want any type of food guarding behaviour down the road.

Just a few days back I gave mum and son a bone and they were happily sharing it. But then the neighbour's dog came up (dh had taken him back to his house just a few minutes back) and I know if I wasn't there, he definitely would have taken the bone off mum and puppy.

I think he is a bit jealous of the male puppy, as we give it a lot of attention. Well, he is our puppy, why shouldn't we?

I think Star is right that we do play hot and cold, inadvertently. Sometimes we treat him like our own (like in the photo on my profile where dh is lying on him) and other times, like after the bone incident, I just want him to go back to his own home so we can have a quiet, relaxed time with our two dogs.

Snoopy, he is lovely, but he does not have any dignity. In the early days, when I would take my dog for a walk, he would follow. And when I would turn around to firmly tell him to go home, he would snuck into a ditch and then when I started walking again, crawl out and follow us. I know my dog would never do that...it seems so needy and well, lacking dignity. When you know you are not wanted, just go home! Even dogs can understand that!

OP posts:
ceres · 17/05/2012 19:43

if you think he doesn't have any dignity how about trying to give him some?

i wish i hadn't read this thread.

Lougle · 17/05/2012 19:52

Poor, poor dog Sad

Lougle · 17/05/2012 19:55

I don't know what's worse - if you, who deem him to be lacking dignity and don't really want him around, are his only hope of warmth and affection, he really must be desperate. Dogs do know when they're not wanted. But he's still coming back in the hope you'll love him too Sad

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 19:59

Ceres, he isn't my dog. I cannot give him what he needs - a stable, loving home that puts him first. He just wants to be a companion, attach himself to a human being who is always there for him. I cannot be that person.

When he is around, the dynamics between the dogs changes. I know they will be problems when my puppy grows up. I don't want that...how is it helpful if I give him love now, but cast him aside in a few months? Actually, I do give him love, and then feel guilty for encouraging him.

I know it is not the poor dog's fault, it is the owners. But then on the other hand, he has a home where he gets good food, is groomed and not beaten or anything. Why is that not enough for him? What gives him the right to think that he can choose his pack...especially as we don't want him.

Everything becomes so much harder with him around. For example, at meals times, guilt if we feed our dogs and not him, as he looks so sad and forlorn. Guilt if we do feed him, because then we are encouraging him to stay. Guilt if we don't pay him attention, guilt if we do...

Anyway, I just walked him home on the lead. He took an old sock and held it proudly in his mouth. Rang the bell. Owner was in. I said a cheery good evening and said here is your dog. She took him in and maybe I detected just a touch of embarrassment on her face. Hard to say, it was so fleeting.

OP posts:
SnoopyKnine · 17/05/2012 20:19

I find this thread really strange. Just tell the owners your concerns - if done politely it wouldn't need to offend etc but then I am never one to let "influential people" stop me from doing what is the right thing.

I disagree totally about him having no dignity he just wants companionship nothing wrong in that. After all that is how the domestic dog began and it is why they are so different from wolves. Why on earth would it cause trouble with your puppy - more socialising the better.

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 21:07

Snoopy, with normal people if wouldn't offend. But in this case, the woman is quite unreasonable and thinks she is royalty, her husband pretends he has nothing at all to do with the dog and only the 14 year old son 'gets' it, but he is too busy with school and activities to care. And her inlaws who have to look after the dog when she takes her 20 vacations a year, but conveniently forget about him.

So I have to approach quite cautiously, as I really don't want bad feelings with neighbours and in a small village, ridiculous things get blown out of proportion. They have lived here for generations, we are the foreigners who need to fit in.

It does cause trouble with the puppy and with my girl dog. She does not want him around. She is watchful and protects the puppy, especially when there is food around. He is a very affectionate dog, but I cannot explain, the dynamics do change. Girl dog is more wary. Puppy is a bit scared and the neighbour's dog wants to follow us everywhere, sit next to us, pushes the puppy away and pushes his head and body in for a cuddle.

We do need to focus on the puppy to train him and it is difficult to do with big boy around. For example, if I say 'Hugo, come', the neighbour's dog pushes Hugo and comes instead. Then I have to push him away and say, no, I was calling Hugo and by then the puppy has lost the plot and wandered away. After a while it all gets quite irritating.

Plus at night, it is hot and we sleep with the terrace door open. Puppy sleeps inside with us and girl dog sleeps just outside in her bed. The door is open and she can come in if she wants to or if she feels cold in the early hours. Instead, we have constant back and forth as the neighbour's dog wants to come inside and sleep, but she doesn't like that and so we have to resolve that and have a fitful night. And no, I will not have three dogs sleeping in my room. It is smelly and big boy slobbers and I sleep very fitfully. More importantly, why should I put up with this, he is not my dog. I don't want him around all day and night.

Anyway, had a brief chat with another neighbour who told me not to push the issue, but to erect a taller fence and gate. It seems that will be the more prudent course of action. Grrr... guess that is what we will need to do. I was really hoping there was another solution.

OP posts:
SnoopyKnine · 17/05/2012 21:10

Are you in the UK?

BreeVanDerTramp · 17/05/2012 21:14

You sleep with the terrace door open and wild boar roaming around? Hmm

Have I missed something is this a storyline from Wild at Heart?

My dog also has no dignity, believe it or not he actually shits outside, in public Blush

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 21:19

Nope, in France. If I was in the UK, I would have told the owner to take care of her dog and it wouldn't be an issue. In fact, with any normal person it shouldn't be an issue...but I guess I am just dealing with strong narcissism combined with a bit of territoriality

OP posts:
TeaOneSugar · 17/05/2012 21:19

So your puppy is his puppy and your bitch is the mother?

I'm not surprised he feels he should be part of the family unit.

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 21:21

Lol, Bree, the wild boar don't come inside or close to humans. Thank god for that, I do not want another animal around!

OP posts:
SnoopyKnine · 17/05/2012 21:23

How did you give your pups to the Dogs Trust if you are in France - something about this is weird or am I getting confused?

BreeVanDerTramp Grin thinking about it mine licks his bits in front of anyoneSmile

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 21:37

Tea, I don't think dogs feel like that...? He shows no interest in the puppy, really.

The neighbour's dog and my girl dog used to best friends, but now she is no longer interested in hanging out with him. I actually think she doesn't want him around.

My neighbour has another dog. The big boy who roams freely, got another dog, owned by a couple up the street, pregnant last year. Our neighbour took one of that litter, thinking her male dog would stay at home if he had company. It hasn't worked like that and both dogs roam around. My neighbour's female dog goes and sits outside an old lady's house. The old lady doesn't mind as she is housebound and enjoys looking at the dog and talking to her out of the window. The boy comes and stays at our place.

OP posts:
Whoopydofoxpoo · 17/05/2012 21:40

So all dogs in this village roam around and shag each other . Sounds like a dogs paradise .

Original poster
Flatbread · 17/05/2012 21:45

Whoopy, I know Grin No, only this dog is the village Romeo. He is a handsome and intelligent fella, but honestly, he just doesn't know or care about any boundaries. Others roam a bit and then go home for a snooze.

I know it all sounds so trivial, but honestly, when you have an interloper dog living with you, it is really quite irritating.

Snoopy, we live in UK and France.

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 17/05/2012 21:46

This thread is trippy. Maybe it's the 3/4 of a bottle of wine I have sunk but I'm Confused and you talk about your dogs like they are people. Dogs don't care about dignity do they? They eat poo.

nightswimmer · 17/05/2012 21:50

Well you can't expect the dog to have dignity, he's a dog, so he won't have human traits. Also most dogs will come when you call other dogs, they just hear the calling voice, unless they are trained especially, so don't expect him to not come when you call a different dog.
I see it is a problem for you, I'm not sure what I would do. I think my pity for the dog would win over and at least some days I would let him come over and be part of my family, because as another poster said, it sounds like this is where he's getting love and attention.

My view with dogs is, they're only on earth a short time, give them the best treatment and best life you can, and if one comes into your life, whatever way it is-well then do what you can to help it.

SnoopyKnine · 17/05/2012 21:52

Weird really weird