Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

What to do with an unwanted dog?

64 replies

Flatbread · 17/05/2012 13:35

Our neighbour's dog is around everyday. And every night Sad He knows he is not wanted, but has no dignity. I take him back to his owners twice a day. DH has gone at 9 pm and even 4 am to drop him off. But to no avail. Before dh or I reach home, the dog is back.

He is a lovely boy, handsome, gentle and affectionate. He is craving being a part of a family pack. His owners take care of him in the conventional sense of feeding him and grooming him, but are never around to actually pay any attention to him. He just jumps over their gate and hangs out at our home.

We try not to feed him, but feel really bad sometimes when we are treating our dogs, and he looks so hurt and sad that he isn't included. Then when we take our dogs out in the car, he stays behind and 'guards' our home and is soo excited when we come back. But the look in his eyes when we leave just breaks my heart...it is like he knows that he is not equal to our dogs, but he will take any scrap of love we have to offer.

But I don't want him around. It is hard to manage three dogs and every time we play with our dogs, he just tries to insert himself. Nor is he trained to obey, and it is tiring getting him to listen.

So, we can't seem to shame the owners into keeping him in check. We don't want to break relations with them either, as they are very influential in the area and we don't want to rock the boat (plus not sure if this will mean that they take care of their dog). We don't want to spend £5,000+ on fencing in our land. What are our options?

OP posts:
Kormachameleon · 17/05/2012 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discrete · 17/05/2012 21:55

We are in France too and have the same problem.

I'm afraid we have taken to chasing neighbour's dog away (too far to walk her over every time). She is finally getting the message....used to drive me mad though.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 17/05/2012 21:57

Oh my can you imagine some of the dog haters here on MN if they lived in France with all these dogs roaming around, shagging and turning up for free grub !

RedwingWinter · 17/05/2012 23:31

The dog is probably confused because the rules have changed since last year, plus your place is even more interesting to him now that his offspring is there too. I think if you are consistent in ignoring the dog, he will get the message and stop coming over - but if he sometimes gets fed, cuddled gets to come in your bedroom at night, etc, he's going to keep visiting. If you don't want to push the issue with the owner, a bigger fence and gate does sound like your best bet.

As for dignity, well, some people would think that was incredibly sweet of him and want to kidnap him...

mumofjust1 · 17/05/2012 23:39

Ceres, I know what you mean, wish I hadn't read this thread.

Poor dog :(

tunafortea · 17/05/2012 23:54

I wish you could send him to me, I'd look after him

I just think it is sad. Part of his pack does live with you, and you have encouraged him (so you do have kind feelings towards him) Confused

One of the family who owns him, says: just hit him. Shock
He is ignored at home. Sad

Poor poor animal.Angry

Clearly he is not your dog so you have no obligations but you seem a bit sneery re his 'neediness'? He is clearly lonely and miserable. Hmm

Either adopt him, face the social ostracising of criticising the neighbours, or cough up and build the fence. Not a great set of choices but you'll have to do one of them or continue with the status quo.

Please dont' hit him tho. I'm sure you won't or you wouldn't have been kind to him in the past.

What a vile thing for the other person to say. Sad

feesh · 18/05/2012 04:46

Has your bitch been spayed yet?

Morloth · 18/05/2012 08:00

How very odd.

You know they are dogs right? Not people?

SnoopyKnine · 18/05/2012 08:10

Feesh I hope the bitch has been spayed or else she may lose her dignity by getting pregnant again and if that happened twice she would be labelled a loose women.

hairylemon · 18/05/2012 10:04

Sad how very odd to say that this poor bugger has no dignity. Of course he doesnt, he just wants to be loved, he doesnt know that no-one wants him and you are giving him mixed signals.

It does sound to me like you have the room to take him on, why cant you just find it in you to 'foster' him? You must be a bit fond of him, and how lovely would it be to have the proud Dad around Smile

awww go on OP. Sounds to me like he'll repay you ten fold. Id love to take him in if I could, poor sod.

Booboostoo · 18/05/2012 10:46

I can really sympathise with the loose dogs problems. I am also in France and all the dogs around here are loose all the time, no one seems to care. Worse still on five different ocassions I have had to return the neighbour's two ponies to him, which had been wandering the roads, into my fields, etc.!!

I think that if you really want him gone you will have to build your own fence, this is what we had to do and it was not cheap but it was necessary. At least now our dogs are in and other dogs are kept out.

However whatever you do the relationship between your bitch and your puppy will change as he grows up regardless of whether there are other dogs around. They are highly unlikely to be able to directly share treats as adult dogs and they will also have minor scraps.

AllergicToNutters · 18/05/2012 11:14

i think you should let him live with you. He loves you. And he knows that are just a little bit fond of him even though it is mildly inconvenient. Go on, be nice. I'd love him, he sounds so needy and keen to make a good impression. Smile

Original poster
Flatbread · 18/05/2012 12:04

Well, this morning he didn't come till 7.30 am, so the owners must have realised that it is unreasonable to leave him loose day and night. It was bliss to get a good night's sleep.

I would have been fine having him around if the puppy wasn't there. Mum doesn't really care about food and is focused on play and chasing a ball or stick. The puppy is just the opposite, so it is a harmonious balance.

The trouble is that the neighbour's dog will take the stick, the food and want all the cuddles and attention! He needs a 'man and dog' type of family where he can constantly be at the side of his owner. He is truly the best example of a lab/ golden retriever mix I have met, and I do love him. But he irritates me just as much with his neediness. Honestly, it sounds awful, but he doesn't have much dignity. Other dogs go away when you tell them to or ignore them or chase them away. This one stubbornly refuses to go, he will look away, go down in submissive pose but will not leave. It breaks my heart when he looks sad, but I still don't want him around all the time!

It is great to hear from the other posters in France that I am not alone in facing this problem. I think if the dog goes home at night, I can tolerate him during the day. And when the pup grows up, I'll see how the dynamics develop and fence the land if it all gets too much.

Poor bugger...I really wish someone would steal him and give him all the love he craves. Would make it easier all around...

OP posts:
tunafortea · 18/05/2012 13:34

Its a bit odd, going on about his 'lack of dignity' and 'irritating you with his neediness' tho. Hmm

Do undignified / needy people annoy you? He is only a dog, who is not being looked after by his owners. He can't exactly help it, can he?

Poor dog. It's not going to get any better for him, is it? Sad

Original poster
Flatbread · 18/05/2012 14:06

Yes, Tuna, needy people annoy me too. It is easy to say from the outside, oh, poor dog, just take care of him.

But it is hard, I feel guilty most of the time, no matter what I do to him, love him or ignore him. I cannot enjoy my own dogs company without him around. And while I feel sorry for him, he is not really mistreated at home. He is not wanted here and he knows that. But he still persists in doing whatever he wants, and his owners just turn a blind eye to it all because it suits them...

OP posts:
tunafortea · 18/05/2012 14:21

The owners of the dog are responsible for him. Not just food and shelter, but company and stimulation as well. Clearly they are neglecting that side of it or he wouldn't be looking for a 'new family'.

But I think you are only exascerbating the situation by giving him mixed messages continually. He can only be confused by this poor dog.

Take him in ( I still dont' quite see why an extra dog ruins your own dogs company, especially if he is a pack member, and the dynamics between your dogs will change over time anyway).

If you don't want to take him in, build a ruddy great fence.

Or fall out with your neighbours.

Hobsons choice.

hairylemon · 18/05/2012 14:25

He's a pet, of course he's needy. Look at how many dogs are still loyal even when they are beaten, dignity doesn't exist with dogs imo.

Hopefully your own two dogs wont ever become too reliant on you and become 'needy'

hairylemon · 18/05/2012 14:29

Apologies, that was a bit off, didn't quite mean it to sound so garage

hairylemon · 18/05/2012 14:29

Garage?! Wtf! That should have said harsh

AllergicToNutters · 18/05/2012 15:06

Grin autocorrect, hairy Grin

Original poster
Flatbread · 18/05/2012 15:46

Hairy, it is not harsh, really. It is what I would have said if it was someone else.

I am struggling to understand why I am so annoyed, especially as I used to enjoy having neighbour's dog around.

I think it is because there are three dogs now and there is a natural hierarchy forming in the pack. Neighbour dog is top dog and both my girl and pup defer to him, in their own home. It really annoys me, irrational as that may be. I know it will continue as the pup is very laid back and will be castrated soon, while big dog remains complete.

And when I pay more attention to the puppy or feed my dogs and not the big boy, it throws the dogs off balance, as they know that this is not the correct order of things. All around, not a good situation.

OP posts:
havingabath · 18/05/2012 16:02

But zis izzee French way....shrug.

I bet your neighbours think you are an eccentric.

Original poster
Flatbread · 18/05/2012 17:03

Lol I think the neighbour's probably think we are suckers. Too nice to dogs and too polite to say anything when inconvenienced. I bet my neighbour would have been around complaining if my dog was camped at her place.

That being said, there is a cafe we have been going to for years. And there is always a dog in there, either sleeping or hanging out with the customers. I thought he was the owners dog, but it seems he is just some random village dog who likes hanging out at the cafe!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flatbread · 20/05/2012 18:11

Update to anyone who is interested. A couple of days back the girl was at the vet's to get spayed and was in their office from 9 am to 5 pm. The neighbour's dog and our puppy were fine together. Big boy tried to play a bit, but puppy was scared.

That night neighbour's dog ran around barking madly at shadows in the forest. It drove us crazy and dh bundled him in the car to drop him off. The neighbour's house was shuttered- it seems they just left him and went off on holiday!

He must have crept back and slept in our garden, as he was around the next morning. Last night it was raining, so we let him in to sleep in our room, and he was so happy! Licked his paws in contentment and slept like a baby. We have decided to unofficially adopt him. He is a darling and needs love, not neglect.

Mum and puppy are very close and sleep together on the same bed and eat out of the same bowl ( their choice, we used to put two bowls out but both would eat from one and then move together to the second). Neighbour's dog is a bit of an outsider, but we will give him exactly the same attention and food we give our girl dog. The puppy will of course get more cuddles and attention because he is just so adorable! And more correction too, as he can be very naughty.

Wee had spent some time training neighbour's dog last year, and now he knows to sit for his food I can take a bone out of his mouth and put it away, just like I can for our two dogs. So I am fairly comfortable I can manage all three when dh is away and settle any potential issues.

I am off to take ticks out of his coat. I have seen three and I find it an oddly fascinating and repulsive task. Anyway, I have my plastic twirly things and tissue and a jar of water. He loves any type of touches so it will be an easy task.

OP posts:
Lougle · 20/05/2012 18:37

Flatbread, I want to cry - hooray for flatbread, the dignity giver!