Can't bear the dog that my family loves. Please help.

[notmyname11]

DH and I both always wanted a dog. It didn't work out pre-DCs because of our jobs and then the DCs arrived. Whenever we saw a dog we'd sigh and say 'one day' without me really thinking about it. Now that they're the DCs are a bit older (just into school and nursery) and DC1 has fallen for dogs too, after just the tiniest extra push from DH, I said yes to getting one. I made the calls, arranged the visit and we now have a 6 month old pup (he came that age). He is gorgeous, gentle, fun, great with the children - everything we could hope for.

I just hate this though. Really hate it. I thought I had space in my life for a dog, but not only did I overestimate how much time and space I have, I underestimated how much he would require (not just the practical stuff but yet another person to think about all the time). I feel SO stupid saying this as I grew up with a dog, but I now realise how much of it I was shielded from, being a child. I just don't think I can do this. Or rather, I know I have to but realise I really don't want to. I am very ashamed of myself right now for feeling this way, when he has done nothing to deserve this and my family adore him.

While DH does do a fair bit, this is when he can. Ultimately DCs and now the dog are my responsibility. Plus job, plus house, plus our lives in general. I hadn't realised how overwhelmed I would feel with him here and I have started to think the unthinkable and wishing we could just rehome him (I know how appalling this is - I have always believed that a pet is a total responsibility). My family would NEVER forgive me and it would be an ultimately selfish act. I just can't look at him without feeling huge resentment and wanting to burst into tears. How can I make myself feel better about him?

Sorry for the long post. I think I'm starting to lose it.

Try not to worry about it. I think this is a normal response to gaining a pet; it's a bigger responsibility than most people realize at the outset. To be completely honest, I am wondering if I will regret Dog2, especially given the stench from the fart he just did.

It will become easier with time. How long have you had him? He sounds like a very recent addition, and as he gets older and used to your family he will settle into your routine. You will also bond with him more over time, and he with you. In a few weeks or months you will probably wonder how you ever managed without him. Maybe today was a bad day, but hopefully you will feel better about him in the morning. If there are any particular issues that you have with him, you can always come on here for advice.

It gets easier. This too shall pass, to borrow a really wanktastic (but true!) phrase. The bit that helped me most was giving the dog a job to do - having a goal to work towards with regular training sessions, competitions, being able to see actual progress is incredibly rewarding and helps you bond.

What kind of dog is pup? There's a huge variety of dog sports out there now, any dog can take part in something that will give both of you some purpose.

I wish everybody who was thinking about getting a cute fluffy puppy could read your post and have some shred of understanding of what it's like to be totally responsible for another life and all the crap (literal and figurative) that comes with it.

Thanks for the replies. I just regret getting him. I think about how much easier and better it would be without him. Life was just starting to get a bit easier with the DCs growing up a bit and now I feel like I'm back to square 1. I feel totally overwhelmed and resent him for it (as unfair as that is).

I am unspeakably tired at the moment as DH was out of the picture for the best part of last month, so I was tired when he arrived (a week ago) and we then had four nights of almost constant barking. He seems to have settled since but I'm not sleeping for worrying about barking/whining/pooing in his crate and then he's waking early. We had just got to the point where the DCs didn't need to be taken downstairs for breakfast as soon as they were awake and here I am back at square one.

Sorry to say but I hate puppies you end up resenting them. I have all my dog from rescue and I foster too. You have most dogs with minor problems and the slot in so quickly, give me an older dog anyday. Must admit though my husband hates the dogs and has nothing to do with them.

The trouble is that today wasn't a bad day. He was great. Everything was fine. I just don't want this. I feel completely trapped by a moment of rashness and desire to make my family happy. I now feel that either I will be unhappy, angry and resentful for the next 10-15 years or even if DH would agree to rehoming, the (rightful) disgust and heartbreak of my family for what will ultimately be a selfish act on my part.

I know my friend was like this with their dog, she said it was like PND all over again! It got better when she accepted that he could go to kennels for holidays, he could be left home alone for reasonable periods of time etc.

I think the responsibility and life change is overwhelming to start with and it takes time for it to stop being a burden.

Sending you sympathy and [fwine] OP. And feeling very glad that our house has a no-pets clause in the tenancy agreement so I never have to worry about it myself.

It gets easier - the first week of doing anything new takes time to adjust family life around it.

But soon the barking will stop, the pup will settle in to the house and routine and life will calm down and pup will slot in.

When we first got our pup I resented everything (especially DH who agreed to getting her in the first place ) but now I wouldn't be without her.

Would you believe that our supposedly hyped up over excitable springer spaniel pup now keeps out f the way and lies on her bed during the breakfast/getting dressed faff of a morning!?! I wouldn't have thought it in the beginning.

Hang in there.

Puppies are hard work! But they grow up quicker than children. At the start I also felt overwhelmed and back to square one. At this time last year our pup was 6 months. I felt I had no spare time and every decision seemed to revolve around the pup. But a year on everything is different.....

He doesn't take up much time at home. I'm not saying we ignore him, but he doesn't need much supervision and hands-on time. He can also be left for longer periods, so we have more opportunities to do things without him.

Things should start to get easier in a couple of months. Hang in there!

It sounds like DH wanted pup more than you, so when you feel a little calmer, talk to him. I see that he does a lot already but can he do just one of the tasks that's annoying you most - I assume he gets up in the morning to go to work, can he get up a little earlier and deal with pup?

Can he walk pup before work? If not, the school run is a good time to do a walk.

How long has it been?

I confess to feeling similar when our dog arrived. He chewed, shat and pee-ed in the house and chased the cats. I felt totally overwhelmed by him. And it soon became clear that despite all their protestations I would be the main carer/walker. I just wanted to cry TBH - had all the same feelings as you.

But once the culture shock wore off and I accepted that a bit of chewing was inevitable with a young dog, and decided that actually I liked taking him for walks, it got better. And now he has stopped chewing, the accidents still happen but not often and the kids have almost entirely take over the feeding and watering.

Best of all there is an entente cordiale between the cats and the dog. Thank the lord! I was so worried about them for a while.

I'd say give it a bit longer - suspend judgement.

Sounds as if you are knackered atm. Not the best situation for anyone.

Puppies are such hard work, and just as they're getting over that and settling down, they go through a 'teenage' phase. With my ridgeback I remember thinking it was 2 years until I could truly relax with her.

BUT then you get years and years (hopefully) of having a very good friend in your life. Short term pain for long term gain!

I completely empathise. I spent the first 6 weeks after we got Jasper thinking: Oh fuck. What the hell have I done. See, I didn't love him yet, and we had to adjust. In fact, I started a thread here called 'Tell me it gets better'. And everyone did. And you know what? It really, really does. The pup now feels like part of my family. We've all adjusted. It no longer feels like effort, just part of normal life. I love him, so the walks and the poo pick ups are no longer a burden. We have a routine, so he knows what to expect and has learned to entertain himself (to an extent). I've got the house side sorted, so I'm no longer fretting about paw prints or things being chewed. It really is very early days for you, so don't beat yourself up for having a perfectly normal wobble. It is a huge commitment, but it will be a rewarding one once you've adjusted. I started puppy training classes with Jasper (he graduated yesterday ) and that really helped me. It gave me some direction and support from other frazzled puppy owners. Just a thought :)

Another voice saying, me too. When we got our dogs, it was definitely a 'joint project'. One swift change of circs later, and they're pretty much now my 24/7 responsibility, and there are times when I wish I could wave a magic wand and do things a bit differently.

BUT - and I was thinking this the other night, after reading solo's thread - there will soon come a time when you're on the sofa with a heavy dog's head laid trustingly on your lap, or you'll be walking through a wood together when the sun suddenly comes out, and you'll forget all these first panicky weeks. Routine helps; stick with the crate training and you'll soon be getting a full night's sleep, and be able to leave him in it with a Kong for a few hours during the day.

What saves my sanity is knowing I can leave them with my very, very nice dog sitter for a break; she loves them, they love her, it's all good...

Notmyname11 Oh my goodness - you could be me honestly. Trouble is I did re-home our pup after 9 days (I was completely and utterly shot down on here so have namechanged). There were some supportive people on here too but mostly I was berated and made to feel even more shit than I had anyway. I know it was the right decision for me at the time as I did go on to have something of a breakdown afterwards (I lost my dh last year so it was double complicated for me). I felt like the biggest bitch and total useless mother on teh planet. I was so overwhelmed that I cried all day. Cried for the puppy, cried for my children who loved her, cried for what a useless human I was for getting us into that mess. I really do understand your pain and I totally sympathise with you, I wish I had stuck it out as we would now have a beautiful, well rounded little dog in our family. I have not stopped obsessing about dogs since and am probably going to get a rescue dog sometime down the road but am not prepared to put myself or my children through that again. My dd ahs lost faith in my dog ownership capability now anyway so I will bear her feelings in mind.

Like everyone on here has said, it is early days. Give the dog a chance but if you cannot cope you may have to reconsider. I personally couldn't hack it at that time. Good luck OP

After about 1 week, I was ready to send UnWiseDog back. I wasn't at all prepared for the mental and emotional stress. I didn't appreciate that a puppy really is like a newborn and stroppy toddler in one - utterly dependent and completely unreasonable! She chewed, she nipped, she jumped etc etc etc. The kids were fed up, I was sleep deprived and beside myself.
16 weeks seemed to be the low point. Once she got to 6 months, everything had fallen into place and we could not imagine being without her. It will get better, I promise.

We adopted mistlehound when she was 8 months old. She was down as needing an 'experienced' owner - but I'd walked for the Dogs Trust for several years so they thought I'd be able to cope. For the first 6 months she got me up between 3 and 4am every night. She needed to go down the garden. (DH of course never woke up) . Then suddenly a switch flicked, she decided that we weren't going to take her back and relaxed and now sometimes needs to be prodded out of bed at 9am.

She predates the arrival of Ds.

However, I have never regretted getting her - she settled down and became much less hard work. She's been wonderful with Ds - couldn't have asked for a better dog. And she's always there when you need her.

Yes, we have to work our lives around her requirements as well as our own, but they are much richer for having her part of it.

People are right to say that it will get better, but the whole truth of it is that it will get better IF you put the work in now.

I really understand where you are coming from. I am in the midst of Dog-Regret too at the moment. I remind myself that with the right attention and input from me now, one day she will be a calm, unobtrusive member of the family who is not a complete pain in the arse in 12 different innovative ways every hour of the day.

All our dogs when veterans are totally perfect, takes so many years of hard work and routine and by the time they are oldies all is so good, but then time is short and we have to say goodbye. We long for the time when they are as perfect as this but we are just wishing their lives away. This current pup really is easy but we long for the oldie stage. I think I have possibly reached the time in my life were I am ready to take on older dogs instead of pups.

The first few months are hard, but it does get easier :)

Puppies are a total pain. They really are. But stick with it as like everyone says it does get better, and at the end of it all you'll have a wonderful companion.
My first pup really got me down too. We'd just moved into a freezing cold, rambling old house with no heating or hot water. It was horrible, peeling wallpaper, mould everywhere.... To cheer me up DH got me a puppy! We didn't know it at the time, but the poor pup was obviously a semi feral collie shipped down from Wales and sold on by a broker. He was a very damaged little soul, who would not look at me, wag his tail, or interact in anyway. At the time it was just so hard to love him. All the work a puppy involves, and NOTHING back. I was so upset, I thought I was a dog person and yet I didn't like this one.
5 years on he is as devoted to me as I am to him. He's still a bit damaged, but he is wonderful. I wouldn't be without him, and I'd trust him with any one.

I actually wept when we got our pup.
I couldn't believe I had ruined my life and came on here posting a thread asking if anyone regretted getting their dog.

People were kind.

It gets much much easier honestly. Everything gets done much more quickly than in the beginning. Also, I think you get less fussy and start getting the dog to fit around you rather than the other way around. And the dog is still wildly happy.