thanks all. have had a message back from labradoodle trust who are happy to help with rehoming him. am going to give them a call shortly to discuss things.
basically, tom got a bit of a thing for the female dog at the breeders house (his mum), and was howling and barking for her non-stop. her neighbours complained, so i bought tom home weds night, and he was castrated yesterday. i am very on edge having him back here, though i did miss him. we have also noticed a lot of agreesion between the two dogs, and really dont think its fair on either of them anymore, to get 50% of what they need instead of 100%.
i love him so muhc, but know that we are doing the right thing by him in finding him a better suited home, and asking professionals to do it. I am going to double check when his vaccinations are due (june/july iirc) and will get them done before he goes if possible, so everything is upto date.
we have done everything possible to try and keep him with us, we have had dog trainer, behaviourist in, upped walked and trainings where we can, had him castrated, he is on the best (imo) diet, he is simulated etc etc. but he just isnt suited for our family. I have had him since he was a pup, and visited loads before we bought him home, we researched the breed, we met the parent dogs, we get on well with the breeder, the dogs have a groomer (very vain but in ralphs case a nesscity, tom just needs a mini-spruce up occasionally), we have done the best we can by him, but its just not good enough.
i am going to miss him. last night he was curled up on the sofa with me, and just rested his head on my lap and sighed contently. when he has me on my own he is perfect. but add in my family and it doesnt work.