We're currently decorating the living room, and have all the paint stuff neatly stashed in the corner of the room. Yesterday I got home to discover my little shit yorkie had stood in the paint tray (obviously pre-meditated as it was barricaded behind a pile of paint tins) and then walked right across the room; not just in straight line either, he'd zig-zagged across the entire floor.
Today I've come in, and was just about to sit on my bed when I noticed a big pile of steaming poo on my pillow. Clearly not satisfied, he's then smeared it all over the duvet cover and throw. Again I suspect it was planned as my bedding is chocolate brown and I very nearly didn't notice it.
I daren't leave the house tomorrow 
- will make sure all matches are locked away! 