My Child won't eat

[Love2bake]

Anyone watching.

I get the feeling this programme is going to make me

thing is, though, luckylady, advice to back off would not have done your child any harm, would it, even given his later diagnosis? what it would do, if there was a way of making the bloomin' HCPs back off, is begin to sort the sheep from the goats as it were. but it seems to me that freaking out about it isn't going to do any good whether the child has SN or is NT.

habs, i think the fault thing has become a bit paraphrased, possibly by me, i think initially i was responding to someone saying it's nothing to do with the parents and i said that it seemed more often than not to be.

the one example from HoTT was a child only eating yoghurts and what allowed the father to let go was his realisation that he had felt trapped by the mother into fatherhood, had wanted to get her to have an abortion, but when the boy had turned up he loved him to absolute distraction.

his inability to reconcile those two extremes (and profound guilt that he might actually have 'murdered' his most beloved boy) meant that he felt it impossible to refuse the child anything and that this evidenced itself eventually in letting him eat nothing but yoghurt, albeit in a very tense way. backing off worked for them, and by the end the boy felt safe enough to try new foods. it was utterly heartbreaking what this very kind man had been putting himself through, tbh. so that example is uppermost in my mind when i say that often it is related to issues borne first by the parents and then transferred (unknowingly, often) to the children.

and wrt to what you said about the middle class stressing about nutrition etc, i found it really interesting that a child fed on wotsits and chocolate looked so healthy and bright. that was for me a really good message in a way for parents with a tendency to over-analyse these things.

I went through a phase at about 12/13 where everything I ate had to be mashed up

My DS was/is jsut like a lot of the children featured. He is 6.5 now and he is beginning to eat new fods and this week has tried 2 new things. We have had the same approach and are beginning to see it pay off, I really rated the experts theory/style!!!!

I actually can't see what psychological issues I might have had with ds that made him the way he is. I've thought and thought about it. I wasn't particularly anxious (ds is my 3rd child); his was the easiest pregnancy and birth; he was an 'easy' and cheerful baby / toddler. He didn't have special needs and was/is in most ways a very 'ordinary' albeit lovely boy. I don't think I was particularly stressed about nutrition either. The stress didn't come till much later and that was once the food phobia had set in. I just can't see where I went wrong yet I'm perfectly willing to accept that I must have.

who knows? why did you go wrong, necessarily? maybe it was just a sure-fire way to get your attention in a busy household?

bogwobbit- are you sure it's not sensory? Or started as a sensory thing?

Our DS2 - who is 15 has what I now realise is food phobia. He eats very very little and is having a "treatment" at a Young People's Unit atm but it doesn't seem to making any improvement. Have had various runs ins with Health Visitors all his life and had long given up so no pressure at all. We just realise how limiting it is for him. When we moved house and GP they suggested trying again. DS2 is very like the girl who just ate chocolate and wanted to be able to eat other things. I told him the comment that was made at the beginning of the programme. Something like - imagine if someone tried to make you eat something completely foul like an eye ball between two pieces of bread, that is how it feels. DS2 said "yes, that is exactly how it feels" This is the first time I have been able to emphathise with how awful it all must be. I agree with other posters about how unhelpful people's comments can be. We eat very well, I love cooking and DS1 who is 17 is a real foody so it is NOT how you bring them up or what food they are offered. I really hope he can get this sorted out for is own sake - it is sad seeing his panic when we are holiday before he spots something he likes and can eat. Even if that means two weeks on croissant and tinned pineapple - which we have had. At least, having watched that programme, I realise he still can grow up fit and healthy. btw two of the popular "myths" I was sick of hearing 1 - He will give in to peer pressure when he starts school/starts senior school etc etc - nonsense! 2 - Just feed him the same as you are having, he will eat it, he won't starve himself - YES HE WOULD! Ignorance is bliss.

My son 4 has a pediatric feeding disorder.

He has never had a warm meal in his life. For every meal he eats a mixture of heavy whipping cream, yogurt, pediasure and vitamins. Its a vile mixture but its all we can get down him. He will only drink very cold water.

Now he has been having different kind of therapy since he was 2 and half. But last year when we moved house we were able to get him seen by the Pediatric feeding team at Hasbro's children's hospital in Rhode Island.

He also suffers from Sensory Processing Disorder which is probably which is why he has such bad oral defensiveness. He was over 18 months old before we could even brush his teeth without him gagging and screaming.

People who have never dealt with this really have no idea what we go through on a day to day basis's. We tried everything to get my son to eat but he was just not interested. But he has lots of different factors to take into consideration. From the moment he was born eating has never been an automatic pleasant experience. He was born at 35 weeks and was very tiny and had jaundice bad. He was exhausted all the time. He would always forget to eat and just sleep. While in the NICU we had an alarm that went off every two hours so I could feed him. He would have a couple of sucks then, fall asleep. The nurses told us to take all his clothes off and put a wet cloth on him to stimulate him to eat more. Which would make him scream.

Right from the get to eating wasn't natural. Finally after a few months he was nursing normal and gaining weight slowly. He then started teething which messed things up for a while. Then as we introduced solid foods he got an throat infection and was on steroids. In his little mind everything to do with eating stimulated pain.

Our pediatrician told us not to worry just give him a few weeks break and try again once he was better to introduce solids again. We tried and tried and he would just refuse everything. He would gag and throw up.

I carried on nursing him by the time he was 18 months old suddenly it was a huge deal from all the doctors. Before it was he'll eat when he is ready just don't worry or push it. Some stupid doctor gave us the worst advice and everyday I regret it and wish I could take it back. He told us to starve him and eventually his survival mode would kick in and he would eat. It didn't and he ended up in the ER. It was one of the worst nights of our lives. But one good thing did come from it. The pediatrician who was on call that night became his new doctor and he set in motions to get help for him.

He spent different amounts of time in hospital being tested for everything. Autism, Cystic fibrosis, you name it he was tested for it. But everything came back normal. He just wouldn't eat. He was very, very clever for his age. We were basically told their was no help we could get for him on Hawaii (were we where living at the time). All they could offer were feeding tubes, but we refused. I knew if the tubes went in his chances of eating ever would drop drastically. I carried on nursing him. Got pregnant again. During my first trimester I was craving yogurt and eating it fifty times a day. Something happened and Ethan tried it. We were in utter shock. In the beginning he would only eat strawberry yogurt. But over the years we have added new flavors, vanilla and banana. All are smooth and with no lumps. He has never learned to chew and has no idea how to manipulate food in his mouth. He basically just swallows. We have tried to be sneaky adding other stuff to get more calories down him. Some stuff worked some didn't.

The heavy whipping cream was easy because mixed in with yogurt you can't even taste its there. The pediasure was a gradual thing. But he will now take 3 flavors, his newest being orange which we discovered just a week ago.

But finally in the last year he has been growing and gaining weight for the first time ever. he is now in the 7th% for his age were before it was always 3rd and under.

The clinic we are being seen at are amazing. I'm just impatient and want my son to eat now, but I know it will come in time. Already in the last year he has ventured out to licking certain items which for us is amazing to see.

He's a well rounded child and very smart already reading and writing way ahead for his age. He has a passion for Star Wars and his favorite item is his Star Wars dictionary. He shocked the life out of me when he was reading the index to me and showing me were Anakin Skywalker was and were Janga Fett and Boba Fett were. I was like you shouldn't be reading these words yet.

But it does get very difficult. He was 4 in April and we had Star Wars themed party for him. It was heart breaking when it was cake time (he insisted he wanted one). He blew his candles out and we served everyone a piece. he just sat and stared at his while everyone else was eating and told me he would save his for later. I couldn't eat my piece and told him I would save mine too. Our pieces sat in the kitchen for two weeks because he didn't want to throw them out.

I can't wait for the day when I can eat cake with him or when he'll eat the cookies he has helped to bake.

One day it will happen.....

Do you notice how those posters with their silly critical views disappeared when more and more posts told the real stoy of kids who won't eat. I have one too! Severe allergies accross 5 different food groups has left me with a DS who hates to eat and is now being referred to a clinic. I was a fussy eater and so was his dad but there is a world of difference between people who won't eat and will starve themselves and fussy eaters.

He currrently loves Choc spread sandwiches which is good but it won't be long before that becomes a problem food. My stress levels have gone through the roof recently as his food issues take on a more critical turn.

Not sure I understand what you are getting at Mutt. Are you suggesting that those on the TV programme are less of a problem eater and more of a fussy eater than you have seen on this thread. You were astonished that the parent on TV was feeding the child choc. There are days when I wish my DS would eat a choc biscuit.

Food and eating are very complex for a lot of people. If it were simple we would all eat what was good for us in the right quantities but what we have are people who overeat/under eat/starve themselves/nearly kill themselves with overeating etc...

There are control issues, fear issues, medical issues, comfort eating etc..... and that's just the parents. I understand that some psychological issues are difficult to understand and hard to tolerate but we parents try our best to navigate through a very difficult and complex problem.

i really felt for the children on this programme - so much so that i even cried during some of it. i think it's cos ds is getting fussy and i'm scared he'll end up like this even though i know he's just being a normal 2 year old.

comments from posters like why is he still in nappies and using a pushchair at 3.5 annoyed me. i don't think that's unusual at all. also someone said 2 year olds shouldn't still have bottles. so you should let them go thirsty then? my ds only recently learnt how to use a straw. also for many it's a comfort thing. some 5 year olds are still being breastfed so why can't 2 year olds have bottles?