I am Ruth. Channel 4.

[Tirrrrred]

Anyone going to be watching this Thursday?

I saw the advert a couple of weeks ago and meant to Google the daughter. I thought she was Kate Winslet's daughter IRL as they look so alike. She is.

I love all "I Am" programmes. Although they are very deep and thought provoking.

Wasn't keen on the Suranne Jones one.

I've still not watched so I darent read the thread yet.

Dd is 13. Does it contain sex?

@Tirrrrred no, there's no sex in it. Lots of swearing though.

No, Tirrrrred, no sex.

I finished watching it yesterday. It was quite distressing in parts, especially when the girl, Ruth, cut herself. The poor mother did not know what to do and was frantic with worry but really over the top; following Ruth in the car, intruding even in the bathroom, constantly wittering on. I understood her concern but she was just too much.

The older son was lovely, kind and empathetic. He told his mum to 'reign it in'.

We've all been teenagers. I remember being totally dissatisfied with myself at Ruth's age, wanting to carve out an image for myself to fit in somewhere, fed up with my round, chubby girly face - with my parents - with school - so it struck a chord.

I was glad at the end when mum and daughter hugged, crying, and were reconciled. We don't know what happened next but I felt like wishing them well.

A very well acted drama, the principle characters were excellent.

I'm now going to find a couple more 'I ams' to watch.

Why is so much discussion focussed on the phone usage, when clearly the character (daughter) has mental health issues? I understand the phone usage definitely makes the issues worse but that is not the crux of the problem. I thought the mother portrayed really poor parenting, esp comments like “I’m a normal, strong person” (implying her daughter isn’t normal), the slut comments and also being very late to recognise the issues in her daughter/trying to downplay them eg go and have a little sleep. I haven’t watched it all, have just got the part where the brother comes home and hugs his sister. I am interested in authoritative parenting and these are the things that stood out to me. I feel for anyone in such a difficult situation, I think the programme highlighted how parents can potentially make matters worse.

I found this really triggering. I self-harmed in my teen years and my mum was very similar to Ruth in this - always asking questions and making comments which were unnecessary, wearing, and made everything worse.
I now work in adolescent mental health and unfortunately see a lot of quite angry reactions from parents when I talk to them about their child self-harming suicidal ideation, or depression. A lot of parents need a lot of support to see that you can't threaten, bribe, or emotionally blackmail teenagers out of these feelings.

Interesting isn't it as I felt the same as you. Has the advertisement for the programme stressed the phone use and worry about this as this is what would attract people to watch. I felt it was about their relationship and being unable to communicate because of the reactions from the mum .

It was mainly about that

I meant some comments here and in press coverage. Google synopsis: Ruth, a loving and concerned mother, witnesses her teenage daughter Freya retreating into herself as she becomes more and more consumed by the pressures of social media.

i haven’t watched the entire series but so far, this synopsis is not accurate.

They're all stand alone episodes

Watched the full episode. Still feel the same.

I think they focussed on the phone as that is an "easy" explanation for most people to understand. The phone was a trigger maybe, a big part of what was going on - all the horrors of the world and the eyes of your peers and bullies are brought into your bedroom with the phone, something that most of us will not have experienced growing up.

That said when confronted with teen/child mental health issues people will gladly will rush to pin it on phone use with a huge sense of relief, "yes yes that's it!!". Then it all makes sense then ifyswim. I suppose you also have to ask was this meant to be a well played drama, or meant to raise awareness and I'd say its the former.

The way the teacher was portrayed, the GP, the referral to CAMHS and offer of support for the mum? My DD was far more disturbed and affected than the girl in the film, and we got none of that. We were treated with contempt and suspicion, derision even, openly in front of DD who still talks about it now and we waited 4 years for proper help by which time it was too late and she was housebound with no normal day to day function. That's the drama I'd really like to see, I'd like to have seen Kate Winslet's character coping with that and I'd love to have seen KW talking about that in her interviews, not how terrible mobile phones are.

We self refered to Cahms if anyone is reading this thread. Took out the doctor bit.

Did she talk about mobile phones in the interviews then?
I don't think it focused on mobiles (the programme I mean). I mean mobile phones was part of it, it was supposed to be and it was part of her problem, but I don't think it focused on the mobile phone

Yes I heard her on the radio talking about phone use and the dangers and how she restricts phone use for her children/did do and that is what I thought the film would focus on.

I’m sorry for your experience and I hope your daughter is better.

i have absolutely nothing good to say about acute and community NHS mental health services. I guess the programme wasn’t long enough to delve in to any realistic issues in that sense.

ive seen a video of Kate winslet circulating where she says parents can just say no to social media etc - angers me more so after watching the show. The narrative should be about young people and mental health, not trying to blame one single thing eg phones. Sometimes there is no identifiable ‘reason’ for such issues.

I didn't take away that social media was the fault here. That was part of the problem but I don't think it pinpointed it was the fault.
But didn't the programme also show it wasn't quite as simple as a straightforward no to social media, because of her reaction to taking away her phone

Agree lots of things overlooked including the systemic issues with failing MH support network and insidiousness of social media. It is not so much the phones as the total social acceptability of them with the focus on the teen as the 'problem'. No regard for the inability of the usual support system around the developing teem to adapt for the pervasive nature of unrestricted social media influences via the phone. The hypocrisy of a society that shows surprise when still developing minds respond in an entirely expected immature way to unfettered provocations raises questions over the handling of the duty of care of those in charge. A sad indictment of humankind. And don't get me started on the parentification of the son, hinting at the family legacy passed down to the mum who remains blissfully unaware of the hand she plays in it all.

'And don't get me started on the parentification of the son, hinting at the family legacy passed down to the mum who remains blissfully unaware of the hand she plays in it all.'

Spot on. She treated her son like another parent, and her teenage daughter like a toddler. She was the only adult in the situation but seemed overwhelmed by her own needs. She couldn't seem to handle feelings, her own or anyone else's, and just needed everything to be calm and 'lovely'. She was very childlike herself in many ways. I really felt for her character but my gosh she did not help herself

@Lottapianos I agree the mum was handling things badly. We all hope that we would be better but very hard to manage this alone I’d say

I hope people reach out for help themselves if they find themselves overwhelmed by feelings the way she did @Lottapianos and @Quinner Otherwise that’s a lot of familial baggage being passed down through the generations until someone recognises the patterns that are inherently harmful and take steps to break the conditioning. Someone with controlling tendencies can result in emotional detachment and an inability to recognise when they are projecting their feelings onto others. It can cause a huge amount of damage to the emotional health of a family and is especially unfair on developing adolescent children.

Completely agree Barcelle. She seemed to have limited self-awareness and was resistant to any outside offers of help, or even really acknowledging the problem beyond endlessly worrying and trying to jolly her daughter out of it

I can't imagine my own mother being as softly soft about it all. I would have had my phone taken away and been yelled at constantly, especially if I wasn't answering her or was staying in bed all day and skipping school!
I thought the brother was brilliant in it too. Mia is the spit of her dad and actually 22 in real life.

Haven’t watched it but can’t say I’m impressed by the nepotism of actors / models etc pushing their own kids to the front of the queue for the best parts. Made me not want to watch it

I listened to Kate on a podcast and she said it wasn't her who pushed her daughter forward. They auditioned other actors and someone said to Kate, why on earth aren't we seeing Mia? Kate asked to be kept out of it and Mia was auditioned and given the role on her own credit.