Kate Garraway…..Caring for Derek

[GorgonzolaSouffle]

She’s so brave making this documentary.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

It is shocking to think the nhs discharge you and really you’re left - left to figure it all out and fight for everything.

I don't think the NHS has the capacity to pay for all the patients like this. There are many people suffering with dementia, Parkinson's, altimeters who are shells of the people they used to be.

I didn't see the show, but I strongly suspect she is in denial and can't face the reality the person she loves needs to be with 1:1 carers and that she can't do this and work and raise a family. I think sometimes the bravest thing to do - is admit defeat and accept this is 'it' .

My own mum could not do this and the stress resulted in her getting seriously ill. People cannot function on so little 'time for themselves' in the long term. Something will give.

www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/treatment-traumatic-brain-injury-hyperbaric-oxygen-therapy

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5110132/

@angel1977 Sorry, meant to tag you in the above post about hyperbaric oxygen for brain injury

The thing is he isn't the only one who is suffering like this. The BBC programme filmed in King's College London Hospital last year followed four patients. One died, one went home with severe problems from which he probably won't recover (brain injury) and I doubt that his family will cope with him long term as they lived in an upper floor flat and were obviously not well off. A third was able to walk with help, and appeared to be improving and the fourth was still in critical care at the end of filming.

I too think Kate is brave, but she is also (relatively) lucky. She has a job and money and friends and a nice house that can be adapted, or if necessary sold. Many families are coping in much worse situations and can't make documentaries to supplement their income.

Now that Covid is "over" these families will be forgotten. Many just see the mild illness caused by the Omicron variant on vaccinated people, and forget that it was a devastating, often fatal, illness for many.

AutomaticMoon, I know some patients were sent to specialist centres, but these were mostly younger patients who could be sent early, before the brain damage was permanent.

Long Covid probably is an umbrella term. Some with LC will be living with the post effects of severe acute covid and the resulting organ damage including the brain. Others who initially didn’t have severe acute covid can develop debilitating chronic illness due to such things possibly as microclotting and immune dysfunction.

Yes exactly this. Both my partner and I have long covid and neither of us had anything like an a acute respiratory illness. The damage covid has done to us is nothing to do with suffering from oxygen deprivation or anything of the sort.

Fortunately for us covid has probably only robbed us of about 5-10% of our health. For others like Derek it is more like 95%.

@TurquoiseBaubles Thank you, I guess there’s not enough hyperbaric chambers available for everyone. We should have them everywhere, it’s used by people with MS as well and many other illnesses.

@FavouriteFortnight I read an interesting paper on long covid and hypercoagulable blood, apparently it’s the big problem causing extensive organ damage to some. IIRC certain enzymes can help with hypercoagulant blood.

@Bluestripeddress

I can’t help feeling he isn’t living, he is existing. It would have been better and kinder to all if he had died..

Didn’t Hitler say something like that about disabled people too?

@automaticMoon while what @bluestripeddress may seem insensitive, there is an element of reality behind it.

I’d imagine that lots of people would look at derek and absolutely know that they wouldn’t want to live like that. I sure as hell wouldn’t, and we’re not just talking about someone like Derek who has been affected by COVID, we’re talking about thousands and thousands of people living with e.g. dementia, who are essentially already dead, because they are not the person they were, and the wife, husband, parent they once were is essentially already dead to their loved one.

It’s not considered pc to think that someone would have been better off not surviving in that situation, but there is a question to be asked as to whether we should always seek to preserve life at all costs.

I am dubious of these treatments, I know that Kate did allude to the fact, but the truth is that these kinds of industries are full of charlatans just out to make a fortune from the vulnerable, because people will always cling on to any hope they can, even if the likelihood is that it will have no impact and they will be financially out of pocket to the tune of several hundreds of thousands.

I imagine Kate has found the means to fund this, but I have seen gofundme’s for “ground breaking new trials” for all manner of illnesses, where people are desperate to be given some hope, and I would never contribute to any of them because I think that 99.999999% of them are just money making schemes, and the people behind them have neither morals nor scruples.

Didn’t Hitler say something like that about disabled people too?

Well, no, he didn’t really. Hitler was more along the lines of ‘we should kill off disabled people, they’re burdens and they don’t fit wi to the perfect race of people I want.’

Massive difference from someone saying it’s an existence with no quality of life but still understanding that person’s right to dignity, comfort, and care. Being aware that you would never want to live that way is nothing like wanting disabled people dead and it’s ridiculous to act like someone is akin to Hitler for saying ‘I’d hate to live that way, death would be kinder.’

But yes, it is very sad. For those saying they’d love to take her round cake and do her washing and just help her though, I mean you could volunteer with disabled people or take on caring work. There’s a massive staff shortage in home care especially, I did it for years at nights. Hard work for very little money, and families desperately in need of support. Most of them with much, much less than this woman.

@GorgonzolaSouffle

Very personal and almost felt like we were being nosey in watching her life……

I’m not sure I could have done.

I thought that, not in a judgemental way, before watching it and the previous episode, but now I think I understand. Derek is capable of making his views known and obviously agreed.

What the documentary showed is how awful Covid can be and if it can change the mind of an anti-vaxxer, it will be worth it. He contracted the virus almost two years ago and didn't have the chance to be vaccinated.

It was terribly, terribly sad. He has obviously made progress but recovery is a long way ahead, if it happens. He has neurological damage. He tries so hard. I really hope that the American trip yields a good result and understand, in his position, you would do anything that might offer a glimmer of hope.

Kate seems marvellous and they are a lovely family.

It was also touching and interesting to see the other family who are in the same boat, whom Kate visited.

@BearOfEasttown, there's been lots of people affected as Derek has, but many would have DNR/DNR forced on them and family members who've made the decision to allow them to die on the doctor's advice. Kate and Derek are in powerful positions and would have their wishes listened to. She also has the income to prolong his life. Other people would made different decisions. So there's an element of that.
I've posted on here about my boyfriend who has a brain injury, posters suggested that it was enough to end the relationship. Yet he works, manages his house and has no communication issues. There's a lack of knowledge about brain injury. Part of my boyfriend's brain is dead. He had to learn to speak/move/walk. But he was 15 when his accident happened and according to his Consultants that's why he recovered. Time will tell with Derek and the medical world gain knowledge from cases like Derek's.

I wonder why he's still at home ? A brain injury rehabilitation unit would be better it does cost money but probably better outcome for Derek and his poor family.

I haven't watched this (but may well do so now) but I just wanted to add my voice to the sense of frustration and anger when people dismiss covid as 'just a cold'. I have a child with serious immune conditions and i have been terrified of him catching it. It might just be like a cold for some but even the most ignorant of us must surely understand it is not 'just a cold' for everyone. I find it baffling.

Exploitative drivel.

They have more money than most to be able to afford carers and stuff. What if you don’t? Are you just expected to get on with it yourself? Pack your job in? Do the council provide any help? What if you can’t cope and want residential care?

@BearOfEasttown

I wonder if it was just COVID alone that did this. I wonder if he was predisposed to getting Alzheimer's or severe dementia, and the covid exacerbated it? He is really terribly ill, and I do wonder if it was just covid that did this? The after effects seem very, very severe, compared to the vast majority of people who have had it.

I admire Kate, and think she is an absolute rock, but this really is not a good life for her, or Derek, or their children. And I don't think he will ever get better. I think how he is now, is as good as he is going to get. I know that I absolutely could not do this. Kate has my utmost admiration, because I simply could not do what she's doing.

A few times, I did pick up that she had had enough. She said it's not sustainable permanently. And it really isn't. It will wreck her eventually. She looked tired and weary for the most part, but really perked up when Derek went away, and her friend Ben came to visit.

Her whole demeanour changed when Derek went away, and she looked brighter and happier. I think she loves him and cares about him, but is growing weary of being his carer, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Is she going to do this for the next 30 years? What kind of life is that for any of them?

What's the answer? A few people I have spoken to have made suggestions, but I won't post them on here.

160k people died. He didn't but we I don't think we have any idea how many people have been left with horrendous outcomes.

I will admit I haven’t seen the programme - going to watch it today. But I don’t understand why she gets so many awful comments (especially in the comments section in the Daily Fail). It’s good that she’s raising awareness, not only of the awful situation covid has left many people but also about the stress and pressures of being a carer in general. We are a family with disabilities- I have chronic long term degenerative conditions and my son is also severely disabled with autism and learning disabilities. Life is really hard and we don’t have the support people assume we would, financially as well. We get highest rates of PIP for my son and I but it all gets eaten up in bills and petrol costs for appointments- and now with the doubling of energy bills I’m seriously scared about how we are going to cope. I know that’s off on a tangent a bit but people do not understand the stresses and pressures of caring for someone like this at home and if it even gives a little glimpse of that then that has to be a good thing.

I think she’s a lovely person.

@CovidCorvid

They have more money than most to be able to afford carers and stuff. What if you don’t? Are you just expected to get on with it yourself? Pack your job in? Do the council provide any help? What if you can’t cope and want residential care?

You just struggle. That’s it really. The government has been screwing disabled people and their families over for years.

@Bluestripeddress

I can’t help feeling he isn’t living, he is existing. It would have been better and kinder to all if he had died..

I agree, and am surprised so few others have expressed this view. There are indeed fates worse than death. My own df died from covid last year, and while I am absolutely heart-broken, we agreed to a dnar when we were told his lung damage would be permanently disabling, should he survive. It was actually one of the bravest things I have ever done - I wanted him here, no matter what, but he would not have thanked us for being brought back at any cost. He would have hated to be reliant on others and not able to have his full independence.

I am not judging anyone who has/would make a different decision. It is an extraordinarily awful situation to be in. Ultimately every family has to do what they think is best.

The only person who can say whether or not he wants to live is Derek, not anyone on here. In my experience the desire to live some sort of life, even if the quality is much reduced, can be very strong.

@Juno22

The only person who can say whether or not he wants to live is Derek, not anyone on here. In my experience the desire to live some sort of life, even if the quality is much reduced, can be very strong.

Yes absolutely this.

So many people think they’d like themselves etc but would they really? My mum was one of those who said she’d rather die that live half a life but she clung on with everything she had when she had bowel cancer. Even when all she could do was lie in bed in pain. Then you get to the point where you’re too weak to take your own life. There is no easy answer.

*kill