Kate Garraway…..Caring for Derek

[GorgonzolaSouffle]

She’s so brave making this documentary.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

I wouldn't want to be broadcast to the nation when I was that vulnerable....but if that paid for treatment that could make me better then I'd understand why those that loved me did it .

I agree and think it's not just his treatment she is working for but as freelance at ITN she will have had no sick leave/insurance or anything that those on full time contracts/permanent work would take for granted.

She's a freelancer from what I understand - zero hours contract (though obviously a bit more glamorous) - sadly she needs to work in order to keep house over kids' head

I wonder if it was just COVID alone that did this. I wonder if he was predisposed to getting Alzheimer's or severe dementia, and the covid exacerbated it? He is really terribly ill, and I do wonder if it was just covid that did this? The after effects seem very, very severe, compared to the vast majority of people who have had it.

I admire Kate, and think she is an absolute rock, but this really is not a good life for her, or Derek, or their children. And I don't think he will ever get better. I think how he is now, is as good as he is going to get. I know that I absolutely could not do this. Kate has my utmost admiration, because I simply could not do what she's doing.

A few times, I did pick up that she had had enough. She said it's not sustainable permanently. And it really isn't. It will wreck her eventually. She looked tired and weary for the most part, but really perked up when Derek went away, and her friend Ben came to visit.

Her whole demeanour changed when Derek went away, and she looked brighter and happier. I think she loves him and cares about him, but is growing weary of being his carer, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Is she going to do this for the next 30 years? What kind of life is that for any of them?

What's the answer? A few people I have spoken to have made suggestions, but I won't post them on here.

Huge respect for Kate and her family. I feel for them all and for all the other carers and patients. I just want to hug Kate and her family. I'm so worried for her health and wellbeing.

The children are indeed a credit to them.

@prettymum huge love to you & your family xx

Very moving warts and all program illustrating the reality of looking after very sick frail family members at home with the crumbling social care available in this country.

I see this everyday working in the community - struggling families at breaking point, chaotic households, stuff everywhere, washing and rubbish, dishes stacked up, compulsive buying, hoarding and simply not enough hours in the day to look after yourself and house, family and the patient and earn enough money to keep it all going.
Its a steep learning curve Kates on and things can get better once they work out what works what doesn't. For example I'm not sure why there is so much washing for Derek. A correct fitted absorbant apron, correct absorbancy continence pad, bowel regime and washable bed pad for leaks should negate the need for umpteen bed changes daily.
She needs a community alarm which she or Derek presses if he's fallen, had an accident etc and the team will attend anytime 24/7 to help get him up safely.
There is also the possibility that some patients genuinely get on better in a longterm rehab facility rather than at home in the first 1 -2 years post brain injury. This is when the most recovery/repair of the brain occurs. And I got the feeling Kate may well start to consider this due to the impact on the rest of their family or if she feels its in Dereks best interest.

Derek also should be getting up for increasing periods of time daily into a large recliner chair and even an electric wheelchair he can control for a change of scene and so he can exert control of some aspect of his life. Not clear from the program if this is happening.

Keeping hair short number 2 cut, easier to keep clean, wash and dry quicker.

I felt it was unhelpful of the Mexican Dr to imply Derek was still present and simply could not communicate, his scans were depressing and injury appears extensive.
I wish her the best she has a hard road ahead and I hope she can get the help she so desperately needs.

I can’t help feeling he isn’t living, he is existing. It would have been better and kinder to all if he had died..

@PinchOfVom

Does anybody know what his treatment on Mexico actually involved?

Possibly some sort of stem cell treatment with it being Mexico. The journalist Caroline Wyatt has had stem cell treatment there for MS.

@BearOfEasttown nope just covid. Honestly just covid does this, how do you think it kills people? It’s a micro clotting autoimmune condition, causes micro clots then bleeding and an immune response from your body that destroys it. It’s great that you’ve not known anyone, but I’ve known a few young people now incapacitated by clots, unable to climb the stairs etc

Just watching this now. I have loved Kate since I'm a celebrity I think she has a great sense of humour and just comes across so lovely and down to earth. I feel for her so much and am thinking how I would be in her shoes or if my dh was my carer what would I want. Its heart breaking.

@Bluestripeddress

I can’t help feeling he isn’t living, he is existing. It would have been better and kinder to all if he had died..

Very brave of you to post this. And you may well get flamed for it. A few people on Twitter suggested this, and were absolutely annihilated for it...

But I think some people, deep down, will agree.

@AthenaPopodopolous

I think she will come to the conclusion on her own that it’s in her husbands best interests to be cared for in a nursing home. I hope in time she finds a boyfriend or partner and I’m sure Derek would want that for her too. He will just gradually deteriorate. The brain scans were likened to those seen in vascular dementia patients. I thought it was so beautiful to see the love between them all. I remember a lovely husband who would come into the care home twice a week and was devoted to his wife who had dementia. Turns out he had a girlfriend at home for many years. I think that’s true love, to do what’s best for your spouse while not letting life pass you by yourself, I’m these circumstances.

My friend works in a nursing home and had a lady who is suffering from dementia (pre covid)

Her husband used to come in 3 times a week to see her-his girlfriend used to stay at home while he went

My friend said she could see how much he loved her,but this cruel illness took her away-he was young and had his own life to lead and it’s not like he’d dumped her in the home and walked away

He took so much hate for daring to have a life away from his Ill wife-his own family turned on him,along with many friends-he had his windows put through,his car tyres slashed and his car keyed etc

I don’t know what happened after she passed away as my friend lost touch with him but I really hope he went on to have a happy life with his new partner

I’ve told my partner to find someone else if anything like this happens to me-he deserves to be happy

[quote CushionSpiral]@BearOfEasttown nope just covid. Honestly just covid does this, how do you think it kills people? It’s a micro clotting autoimmune condition, causes micro clots then bleeding and an immune response from your body that destroys it. It’s great that you’ve not known anyone, but I’ve known a few young people now incapacitated by clots, unable to climb the stairs etc[/quote]
Blimey that's awful! Thanks for that info @CushionSpiral

In simple terms Covid causes low o2 levels by impairing lung function.
Sustained episodes or short repeated periods with low o2 causes injury to the brain cells and they die off.
Covid also causes multi organ failure with the same outcome, cells in the organs become o2 starved and cease to function.

Thanks for that @angel1977 I'm a bit uneducated when it comes to covid .. Thank the LORD, I have not had anyone close to me suffer badly from it, or die from it.

@angel1977

In simple terms Covid causes low o2 levels by impairing lung function. Sustained episodes or short repeated periods with low o2 causes injury to the brain cells and they die off. Covid also causes multi organ failure with the same outcome, cells in the organs become o2 starved and cease to function.

Very true.

Long Covid probably is an umbrella term. Some with LC will be living with the post effects of severe acute covid and the resulting organ damage including the brain. Others who initially didn’t have severe acute covid can develop debilitating chronic illness due to such things possibly as microclotting and immune dysfunction.

Further to my comment above, this is a very good article on the form of long covid that people are suffering from when not acutely sick with CoVid and hospitalised. A lot of healthy people from their twenties onwards (children too) are still v debilitated a year or so on. Some are recovering after a few months but many aren’t.

www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2021/09/covid-19-long-haulers-pandemic-future/619941/

This is tragic.
A colleague at work, a man in his sixties who was very healthy and used to run marathons, had a major stroke when he got covid. Unlike Derek he is recovering, but he is still struggling with some mobility a year after getting covid.

The loneliness of having him there but not there, him being absent, that he seemingly communicates less than the year before, is just heart breaking. I credit Kate for her stoicism whilst knowing what choice did she have. She never chose this.
If there is scar damage, symptoms akin to vascular dementia, and she knows Derek would bloody hate it, God knows what the answer is. He absolutely lit up with his kids and whenever his son hugged him. But I suspect Ben can see what she yet cannot.

Gosh, just watched this. She is extraordinary. So honest. I felt very uncomfortable witnessing this poor man’s indignity but I do see that’s what’s paying their bills right now and I don’t judge her for it.

I could have done without Ben Shepherd’s contribution. Felt like he was in tv presenter mode but maybe they had agreed together how they conversation would go. It might have felt easier to have a third party express those thoughts.

Just a dreadful position for them all to be in. She’s right. It’s not sustainable.

I think Ben was really good with her and is really concerned for his friend. I think he was quite direct with her and I think those around her need to be as she is so emotionally torn and fearful of giving up and letting Derek down.

@GorgonzolaSouffle

I thought Ben was funny when he put something in the bin and she accused him of throwing something away!

I think he wanted to tidy up too 😂😂😂

I seem to remember an article pre-covid (think it was the ST Relationships one) where it was clear that he was the organised, tidy one and she lived in chaos and clutter.

I’ve just read this and started watching it, crying my eye out already!
Poor Derek and poor Kate to have to deal with it all - but how amazing to see their love and resilience! Kate is just a machine- no idea how shes can carry on being supermum, superwife and a superwoman but totally rooting for her in e try way.
She’s wonderful and I want to just hug her too and let her sleep for a week while I looked after everything for her ❤️ God bless her and their lovely family

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

Does anyone find it a little uncomfortable the amount of footage she shared of derek presumably without his permission.

I'm not sure I would want to recover from such serious illness and find out it had been documented and broadcast to the country.

(Not to say I don't think she is doing an incredible job. It just sits a bit uneasy with me)

Feel the same. But whatever treatments he has must be extortionate and she probably had to agree to share everything, maybe more than she wanted to. I hope he recovers from it- awful.

I do not see how you can recover from brain damage - neurons do not regenerate and I thought the white parts on the brain scan were tissue death (might be wrong if any neurologists out there).
He could tell day from night, but did not know his birthday or the date and they asked him to do the clock test, plus he only has limited responses yes/no/ do not know a lot of the time. Does not mean that he cannot show love - but he is not who he was and never can be, looking at the MRI.

@angel1977

In simple terms Covid causes low o2 levels by impairing lung function. Sustained episodes or short repeated periods with low o2 causes injury to the brain cells and they die off. Covid also causes multi organ failure with the same outcome, cells in the organs become o2 starved and cease to function.

When this is happening, is hyperbaric oxygen of any help? It’s used for divers to avert brain damage, IIRC