Strangers Making Babies

[zafferana]

I can't believe there isn't a thread about this programme!

I watched it last night and found it depressing, extraordinary and just ... odd. The thought of interviewing someone to have a baby with and then having to co-parent with a complete stranger is just horrible IMO! Imagine handing your newborn over to someone you barely know for half the time? Argh! Unimaginable. Donor sperm I can understand, but this? No way.

The candidates too were not at all what I would expect. Venicia struck me as the kind of attractive, bubbly, warm person who would easily find a partner to have a family with if only she would actually make the effort to date, rather than spending all her time looking after other people's DC.

As for the men she was matched with - two guys much older than her and older than the upper age limit of 42 that she was comfortable with - one being 16 years older and already with two kids. It's a shame she and Vik didn't have any chemistry as he was by far the best match otherwise.

And Sarah - being matched with one guy who lives in Manchester when she lives in Reading and other who almost died from a serious heart condition. WTF? I can only think that C4 were short of male candidates for their bizarre programme.

Did anyone else think it was just ... I dunno ... weird and slightly unpleasant?

@zafferana

I can't believe there isn't a thread about this programme!

WTF? Strangers Making Babies TV show www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/4200413-WTF-Strangers-Making-Babies-TV-show

I am presuming zafferana was looking in the telly addict section for the thread.
The above one was posted to criticise the show in AIBU
The ones in telly addicts are normally to discuss so have more measured and mixed opinions on and just want to discuss the programmes generally

@purpleme12 Ah ok. I didn't notice where it was posted. I commented on it a couple of weeks ago and it was in my "watched" threads.

I am presuming zafferana was looking in the telly addict section for the thread.

Exactly! It wouldn't occur to me to venture into the bearpit of AIBU to discuss a TV programme.

Has anyone now watched the the whole thing on All 4? I just finished watching it and would love to know what other people think.

The next bit contains spoilers, so don't read on if you haven't watched and want to ...

• Venicia and Trinity - I'm so glad neither of them pursued either of their matches. I'm sorry, but I thought they were both duds - Jean-Paul was a player and Nigel was just really odd - and not in a quirky, interesting way - in a 'there's something not quite right about this guy' kind of way. I have no idea how either of them got through the supposedly stringent vetting process to be part of this show, but neither of them struck me as remotely suitable. I'd love to know what Venicia thinks now, having seen those foul photos that Trinity unearthed. That is one bulled dodged! And I don't blame her for taking a job in Dubai before this programme aired - I'd want to get out of the UK for a bit too ...

• As for Sarah and Ian - I think they were both very focused on the end result and her agreeing to meet gay men was a much better idea than leaving the possibility of romance on the table. Ian though - bless him - if they do have a DC the only way he's going to see that DC is if he follows her to Cornwall and moves in next door. Chris' boyfriend Alan was dead right when he said that she's 'going to have a problem sharing'.

No I'm watching weekly.
I'll come back to the thread when I've watched it all lol

(I didn't read the above post I stopped reading when I realised there were spoilers in it so we're ok lol)

I don't think they were going to release them all online but they must have decided to push it back to 11 o clock on Tele and release it all online

I know one of the men in RL. I think they have hot him sussed. It's fascinating watching.

Hot = got.

Ooooh @Hoghgyni I'm assuming that's either Jean-Paul or Nigel. I'd really love to know what the exes of those two thought of their inclusion in this programme ...

Having watched it all, JP was obviously all about JP. I couldn't understand how he got through the vetting. He seemed to see children as an extention of himself. Nigel I was surprised got any matches. He did come across quite odd and unattractive. I was surprised the gorgeous Trinity found him remotely attractive. I quite liked the other guys, although I found Ian a bit dull.

I found Ian a bit dull

One person's dull is another person's dependable and if you're looking for someone to have a DC with who you will never be in a relationship with, there's a lot to be said for dependable!

I kept being distracted by Sarah's resemblance to Laura Carmichael from Downton. She seems like a thoroughly nice person, but understandably anxious about everything.

Anxious, but steely. She's got what she wanted so far - a guy who is prepared to give up his entire life in Manchester to follow her to Cornwall!

Just watching this now. @Beebs101 you seem so warm and obviously have a lot of love to give! And you are clearly a very accomplished woman. I hope you get the outcome you want.
But yes the male matches they found for the candidates were so disappointing. Unfortunately it is a reflection of real life, I do see many of my friends with so much going for them, punching below their weight as the quality in the menfolk just isn’t there 😂

Hi everyone!! I’ve tried to read through and add my 2 cents.
@zafferana funnily enough, I was offered this job just before the weekend away. After discussing with Nigel how he would feel if I were in Dubai pregnant (and him saying he’d move here too! I’ll be his family as will baby) I actually turned the job down as I knew I couldn’t commit to a family for a long period of time. Then “the weekend that we shall never mention again” Ughh happened and I the very next morning I got a phone call saying the family love me and want me to move to Dubai even if it’s just for a year! I’m a big believer in timing and this was undeniable. I figured why not get healthy save some money (all expenses paid of course!) and start fertility treatment in the summer. If I happened to meet a lovely expat when I’m here then that’s a plus! But I’m not really mingling with corona etc. I’m just enjoying the 31o days at the moment!

In terms of how it came to a head, there is a lot ALOT that wasn’t shown. Repeated conversations which we are both frustrated about going in circles. In the end everything he said was opposite to what he had said in the past. I would have never considered him had he made it clear it wasn’t in a hurry so to speak. He said he was ready, so ready in the first meet. He had repeatedly hinted and joked about having a relationship but as I made abundantly clear from the start, that’s not where my mind is at, and the baby was a priority. Unfortunately/fortunately after over a year in the making his head and mind was turned after dating someone and showed to me his lack of commitment and true intentions.

Not to mention the gaslighting and complete change in personality. The weekend away was about getting to know each other better and in that way, it served its purpose. He made me feel bad about being excited and optimistic which was the same energy we shared not a couple of weeks before. Anyway, all well that ends well and I wish him all the best. I left as I’d didn’t want him to waste anymore of my time and had a lovely long weekend with my family instead!

If you guys are on Twitter you should check it out, quite interesting 🤔 🧐🤣 nigels ex wife tweeted me, ooffff wasn’t expecting that!

@Pancakeorcrepe oh yes don’t I know it! Which is why I’ll be going solo when I return one to London. (You can do IVF as a single women in UAE)

Thank you so much for saying! Very very sweet and I appreciate it.

I meant you can’t do IVF 😭😭😭

In terms of how it came to a head, there is a lot ALOT that wasn’t shown.

Yes, I assumed that because at one point, where you and Nigel were in the kitchen he said something like 'We keep having the same conversation and it's pointless' and I thought 'Well, if so C4 haven't shown it to the viewers, because it was the first time we'd heard it!'

Unfortunately/fortunately after over a year in the making his head and mind was turned after dating someone and showed to me his lack of commitment and true intentions.

Not to mention the gaslighting and complete change in personality.

You truly dodged a bullet there. If corona hadn't happened, presumably the various stages of the 'getting to know you' process would've happened much more quickly and maybe he could've kept this side of himself hidden, better but he really revealed his true self on that weekend away. Gone was the keen, musical, fun guy of the first meeting at his house and in it's place a nasty, selfish side of him was revealed, both in terms of the way he treated you and in the way he talked about his partner, saying he'd do what he wanted and her feelings were irrelevant (I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it). I was not at all surprised to see in the info at the end that they'd broken up!

I can't imagine 30 degrees at the moment, after a long, cold Covid winter in the UK ... good luck with IVF this summer. I hope it works for you and I think it's a much better and less complicated option.

Going to look at Twitter now ...

@Beebs101 very interesting! You're right - she should've left you a note and saved you all those wasted months

Whereabouts on Twitter is this? Sorry, I’m such a numpty 😂

I’ve seen it now! Poor woman putting up with him for 15 years.

Why did Nigel keep talking about your 'biological clock' @Beebs101? He is 46! Bit of male arrogance there I'd say.

I've now watched all of them. I think Sarah and Ian are both lovely people, but they're being blinded by how much they like each other to the realities of their geographical situation. I did think she was being a bit unreasonable announcing she was moving to Cornwall and still expecting that they could 'co-parent', although I don't think her view of co-parenting is anywhere near a 50:50 involvement. Yet she was clear she expected all the financial costs to be 50:50. I think sadly Ian could end up more like a sperm donor, even if he does temporarily relocate to Cornwall.

I’ve just watched the series over a couple of days. I don’t think there is anything wrong with co-parenting as a concept. I’d previously heard of it more in terms of good friends having a baby together and co-parenting rather than strangers. So when I saw this programme I was intrigued to see how the process might work.

As an aside we read on MN every day about women who have been with their partner/husband for years and then have a baby only to find they turn into an unsupportive and frankly useless lump often as soon as the women have become pregnant and/or once the baby is born they are just awful as father’s. So going through a process of finding a person to co-parent with, without a romantic element to the relationship doesn’t seem odd to me. There is just as much chance of ending up with a good or bad match as there is in a traditional relationship IMO. At least with the co-parenting process agreements can be made (maybe even legal ones) about finances and time the child spends with each parent, etc beforehand. There are obviously no guarantees with how any relationship of any kind will work out so I don’t see why co-parenting would be any more risky, especially when the people have all been vetted criminal history wise, etc.

@Beebs101 - I’m so glad I found this thread and to hear more from you!
I may be in the minority here but I too liked Nigel in the early stages and I was hoping you would decide to get to know him better, he seemed to have a good sense of humour, a likeable character and a genuine wish to be a committed parent. (But it then became apparent all was not as it seemed). I thought JP seemed a bit too in love with himself and just not right for you or the process at all. I’m glad you saw that early on.
Going back to Nigel I was disappointed to see how he seemed to completely change and like you say his gaslighting behaviour came to the fore. I couldn’t quite believe the transformation in him and how he seemed to twist things. You definitely dodged a bullet there.
I think you will be an absolutely awesome Mum, I could see that from very early on with the way you talk about the children in your care, no wonder you are such an in demand Nanny. The love you have for children shines through so clearly. I really hope your plan to have your own children happens very soon. I wish you the very best of luck for the future.
I am not very Twitter savvy, but I’m nosy (lol) how do I find your account to see what Nigel’s wife said?! I wondered whilst watching the programme what her side of the story would be and that it likely didn’t quite match what he said.
(Just to add I’m currently expecting a baby with my DH via IVF and I have found plenty of people on MN are judgemental about older parents and IVF. Judgement is everywhere you look and in the end you have to find your own path in life and do your very best. Nobody goes into fertility treatment lightly and this baby is a miracle for us and will be very much loved. I wish I had your experience with caring for babies and children though because then I might not feel so nervous about our impending arrival! A mixture of nerves and excitement which I’m hoping is true of most FTM’s!).