The Surrogates

[katedan]

Hi anyone else watching this.? I am on the 3rd episode having binge watched this afternoon, really interesting stories.

@TomBarbara

When it's a gay couple or single man adopting the baby, do they use a separate egg donor rather than the surrogate mum's egg?

No a few of the ladies on the show were carrying their own genetic child.

One lady was trying to convince herself she wasn’t jealous that the baby was a girl (she had a son) but you could see the conflict in her emotions.

There’s been a few threads about this on the feminist chat, if anyone wants to delve deeper into the discussion about it.

I haven’t watched it yet but sounds so sad. Does the program portray it as a positive thing?

The woman who had given birth to Baby K. used the word "addictive" herself and I felt this was what was happening with her. Addiction to being the centre of attention? Addiction to helping people? Addiction to the hormone rush of being pregnant and giving birth?

Unlike the process of adoption and fostering, there doesn't seem to be any psychological evaluation of either would-be surrogates or would-be parents. What I took away from this programme is how vulnerable almost everybody was. The woman who gave birth for the single man (and her lovely husband) seemed very grounded. . . the others not so much.

The programme does portray it as positive however it actually put me right off surrogacy. This surprised me as I’m a liberal person but this in this programme I saw emotionally and financially vulnerable women being exploited with little concern by the intended parents for the impact on the mother’s long term health and existing family. I saw half siblings being torn away from eachother at birth with no guarantee of future contact. I saw little regulation or background checks on intended parents - would be so thorough if it were adoption. I was concerned that it seemed to be well-off and rich intended parents using financially struggling single women to carry their child. I didn’t see financially strong professional women offering their wombs for rent. I saw intended parents more interested in the lifestyle decisions that surrogates were taking and the impact in the baby than the surrogate’s autonomy I.e. “you’ve got to trust them not to have that sneaky glass of wine and to sleep on their side” what pressure to put on a woman whose already doing so much for you!!! When something devastating happened to one of the surrogates the concern of the IP was not for the woman’s emotional health but the negative impact her upset may have on the physical health of the fetus. It made the surrogate feel she had to put on a brave face. It made me feel that surrogates are considered to be walking wombs by intended parents rather than humans.

Worst of all, despite myself being a supporter of the LGBTQ community, I was disgusted to hear a gay single man state that his one regret about being gay was that he did not have access to a womb. I thought this was misogynistic comment and that if I met him his greatest interest in me would be that I have a functioning womb rather than I have personality. It really felt like he saw women as commodities. When my husband married me he certainly didn’t see it as a bonus that he now had access to a womb.

I am pregnant at the moment with my 2nd and it is exhausting and putting my body under a lot of stress. There’s no way I’d go through this again for any of these prats. The only person I would ever consider would be my sibling and not with my own eggs.

I thought surrogacy was about families and potentially very close friends helping eachother out with fertility issues, not about creating a market for women’s wombs for rich folk. Indeed I couldn’t understand why most of these IPs had not first approached family or friends. If surrogacy cannot be used as a completely respectful process that puts the child and surrogate mother first then it needs to be banned in this country.

I agree, I felt uncomfortable watching this. The intended parents didn’t give the impression they understood the huge impact and risks the surrogates were taking on for them.
I hope they do stay in contact with the surrogates and not just cut contact now they have the baby.

Odd watch and thought - provoking. No wonder it's illegal in Europe. I somehow doubt whether the surrogate parents will be encouraged to stay in touch.

What about the legality of these arrangements? Do the parents legally adopt?

I think, if I were a surrogate, my concern would be the parents pulling out of the deal leaving me with an unwanted child. As a prospective parent, my worry would be the surrogate pulling out. I suppose there's ways and means of drawing up contracts and so on but still....

I also felt a bit odd about the single gay guy. Not sure why really: just wondered if he'd given much thought to the practicalities.

I hope everything works out for all of them, I really do.

Something else that struck me - if the parents are a gay couple, can you register two fathers on the birth certificate?

The surrogates all seemed like lovely, magnanimous women. However, some of them seemed quite lonely and isolated. They wanted to belong and be part of something. Maybe they hoped that surrogacy would give them this.

I felt so sad for Caitlyn, I don't think she really wanted that sweep. I really hope that all of the surrogates gave birth safely and were able to stay well physically, mentally and emotionally.

I found Caitlyn's boss rather controlling. The sweep seemed unnecessary. Poor Caitlyn being dumped like that during the pregnancy. Boyfriend seemed quite selfish and immature though, so maybe she's well rid.

I thought the lady who had given birth then looking for another couple within 2 weeks of giving birth seemed very odd. I think she fancied the dad, kept checking their status and was desperate to carry his baby, her reactions were very strange.

She def seemed to fancy the dad and envied their lifestyle. All very odd! Her DH looked gutted when she was gushing about him.

Another thing i found troubling was that Caitlyn had gone into the surrogacy arrangement with her boss within months of starting a new relationship. (The boyfriend said she had been pregnant for the greater part of their relationship.)

That seemed a strange decision. The pressures on a surrogate are enormous anyway and only a rock-solid relationship with a husband or partner would likely survive them, imo.

I really enjoyed this programme,and what an eye opener!

I haven't watched them all but felt very conflicted by Mia's mum. She clearly was financially benefitting, she said she asked for hospital parking and new clothes but then said the IPs were paying for her son to be in nursery 2 days a week. No one spends £7k on being pregnant by 16 weeks. She was so clearly seeking a close network with these people, I really hope it has worked out well for her.
I could gave punched the boss when she was in dialogue with the midwife about performing the sweep when it wasn't even her due date. She had to keep reminding herself that Caitlyn had a say in things too.

@Lantanacamara when Kate suggested the sweep I was surprised that the doctor/midwife didn’t generally involve Caitlyn more in the conversation. Or do a better job in making sure they had actually informed consent from Caitlyn.

If we could see that she wasn’t keen then the doctor must have been able to as well! Perhaps they did go into much more detail and have more of a discussion but edited the programme in a way to make it more dramatic.

[quote PinkPlantCase]@Lantanacamara when Kate suggested the sweep I was surprised that the doctor/midwife didn’t generally involve Caitlyn more in the conversation. Or do a better job in making sure they had actually informed consent from Caitlyn.

If we could see that she wasn’t keen then the doctor must have been able to as well! Perhaps they did go into much more detail and have more of a discussion but edited the programme in a way to make it more dramatic.[/quote]
In a programme teeming with troubling aspects, this is the bit that I really hated. A person other than the pregnant woman pressing for a procedure that doesn't even seem medically warranted. . . and health professionals going along with this! As if Caitlyn really is nothing more than a walking womb. . .forget about her feelings, her anxieties, her right to bodily autonomy, just a womb, there to do everyone else's bidding.

And when Mia's mother gave birth, the midwife apparently keener to give the gay couple a good experience than to actually attend the woman who has just given birth and is exhausted and (by the looks of it) distressed.

I watched all if these, really interesting

I thought most of the surrogates had mental health issues. The lady in the last episode who kept spouting about ‘fun’🧐 was very annoying. I would never surrogate for anyone. I thought the single dad getting in the pool was cringy.

all surrogacy should be illegal. No exceptions.

And sorry but “some people are desperate for a child” isn’t a good enough reason to allow children to be turned into commodities and for women to be exploited.

It’s very sad that some couples are unable to have children. But that doesn’t mean that that wish should be granted to them without thought to the casualties.

Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should.

This programme just highlighted every reason why the practice needs to be illegal.

The woman who had baby K then went to an event 2 weeks later would be the last person I'd choose. She didn't want a deep emotional bond, she wanted to get drunk and have fun. Banging on about wanting Jamie's baby should have been a massive red flag!

Lantanacamara

The woman who had baby K then went to an event 2 weeks later would be the last person I'd choose. She didn't want a deep emotional bond, she wanted to get drunk and have fun. Banging on about wanting Jamie's baby should have been a massive red flag!

I think she was longing for friends

I think she loved being in the limelight at the event and loved the attention she was getting being a surrogate.

I was also surprised that two of the mums did the surrogacy with their own eggs. I just couldn’t give my biological child away, I thought that most surrogacy was done with donor egg not surrogates eggs so that was eye opening

@2021mumma

I think she loved being in the limelight at the event and loved the attention she was getting being a surrogate.

I was also surprised that two of the mums did the surrogacy with their own eggs. I just couldn’t give my biological child away, I thought that most surrogacy was done with donor egg not surrogates eggs so that was eye opening

Absolutely. I felt it was all about attention for her, being admired, being validated, doing anything which she felt would attract these things. And boy, a real lack of self awareness!

On a documentary quite a while ago now, they interviewed a woman in Stevenage in Hertfordshire who, after having two or three children of her own with her husband, had had a baby for an infertile couple. Then another baby for another couple, and then another, with very short spaces of time in between. The behaviour felt compulsive, however much she she tried to dress it up as altruism. Her time would have been better spent getting to the root of her problems.

I always supported 'choice' for surrogacy in the abstract but this has thrown me. I think it should be illegal unless for an immediate blood relative. I could only imagine someone being a surrogate for their sister, with being in that child's life constantly as an aunt. Other than that, it makes me feel sick.

These women (apart from the lady who carried for the single man) all seemed to have ISSUES. The single gay man set off all kind of red flags to me and I was glad to hear his sister didn't support it.

I'd love to see the breakdown of the £7,000.
Plus how far was she? Say she is half way through?? Could go up to £14,000

I'll get you a bag from Primark and a McDonald's. I'd want more than that