mrsgr
Heidi has prostrated herself at the altar of clubby book Mike. He is delighted that she has absolved him of all blame for being a thoughtless arsehole sometimes. It really is quite incredible. She is sorry that she hasn’t fully embraced his holeyness and realised that she is one very lucky girl to accept him - warts and fuck all else and all. He now thinks he is charliebigbalonz and practically perfect in every way.
And meanwhile her brain cells are escaping by abseiling down her curls.
Amen.
Oh thank the Lord. She said at the dinner party that he isn’t blame free. And his vein at the side of his head has grown quicker than his penii. It is practically throbbing with rage.
I’m very tired of them both looking wounded.
Good luck with him ever truly accepting any blame. He tells her what she wants to hear to get her to back off.
Jess laughing at Mike and Heidi and rolling her eyes? What an arsey little madam. And lying.
You know Steel Magnolias? Where Clairee goes ‘go on m’lynn slapppherrr’ about Ouiser? I’d want to. I wouldn’t even have needed the verbal permission.
No sexy times for mark and Ning but not the business of anyone. No shit she kept drawers on. But it is private. And percentage wise of getting jiggy? Both sat at zero. Comfortably.
Ning has borrowed her nan’s neck for the evening. Beats a brooch or a scarf.
Marfaaaaaa hasn’t had too much of a comeuppance. She has had one but she probably deflected with the whine. And wine. And copious amounts of both.
Marfaaa telling everybody they are soooooorighteous. Like that is a bad thing. Sake.
But Marfaaa still going gangsta ‘bitch tell me everything’. You are no harder than Hamble off of Playschool.
I am absolutely in the mode of organ fry rather than vocal fry at Insta and daaaaan.
She’s trying to convince everyone and herself that her and Dan are love’s young bloom. All us, love, gushing, baby voice the lot. We we we we we.
Be his girlfriend? What is it? Adrian Hole and Pandora? Don’t open her box mate. Be warned.
I ain’t buying.
The only thing I am buying is that one of life’s little mysteries has been solved. Well. Kind of.
The one where men are better drivers than women.
The speed that Daaaaan reversed when Insta asked if he loved her? If he can reverse a car that quick then I’ll happily accept that men are better. Because that is a fecking skill.
He has had his head right under her bonnet and was Linford quick in pulling back out.
There is your form of contraception though kid. Withdrawal method.
If his genitals haven’t taken refuge under his epiglottis after her declarations of love, then I’d be surprised.
‘Nice’
The Mike school of lovespeak. ‘I think I do....’
His mouth said it. I grant it. But deep down he is halfway to emigrating to Orkney. It has dawned on him what she is like.
I’m glad that Jules smelled the shit about the three week thing. And the girls and women thing. Bob on. Grown woman mattymattymanbun?
Women my arse.
And looking at her and Cam? She’s ground his little monkey organ right down to the bone.
She be driving the baby bus. Probably faster than Daaaaaan reversed.
That old driving chestnut has not been solved after all. 
Now you can put your phone back in your hideyplace 
x