You're not splitting up my family, on channel 4

[Pinkchampagne]

Anyone else watching this?

Please tell me there is going to be a happy ending, please.

What was the point of the program?

to show you how bloody grim some children's lives are.....
to show how the state cant wave a magic wand when it intervenes as a corporate parent in children's lives.....
to show how some adults are ill equipped to meet their children's needs, especially their emotional needs.....
to show how "labelling" children "bad" becomes a self fulfilling prophecy......
to show how a whole family can be brought down by one parent dying / leaving

i thought it was really sad but interesting viewing

I agree it was very sad. I felt sorry for the gran as she is obviously from a different generation. She expected a lot of respect from those kids which as soon as they got a bit bigger she was never going to get. She didn't understand why though. That's not really her fault. She was insulted, those kids backchatted her in a disrespectful manner (from her pov) a result, no doubt, of hanging around with Dodger.

I believe the love was there but neither of them knew how to show it. I think Social services fucked up there. Easy to say with hindsight I know, but I didn't think there situation was so bad they should be seperated.

Mark was staying away from home, the father was permanently pissed or appeared to be so.

The GM was out of her depth( but rarely got her chain smoking arse out of the chair)

Mark knew the rights/list read by the police officer off by heart. This was before SS placed them in care.

SS did not have any real options.

If they had been truly following the care option, they would not have placed them with a terminally ill aunt. They thought that family love might rescue them, or rather that is my opinion.

And no I am not a social worker.

What should SSD have done Sossy?

But wasn't it the lad who lived with the terminally reletive the one who did better than the one who floated in and out of various care homes? Got into a bit less trouble, anyway. He seemed much happier and had good memories.

They both went to live with the aunt, Mark chose to leave.

The other lad lived there for 18 months too.

but the other one (who ended up in the care system proper) couldn't settle with them or they couldn't cope with him......

Message withdrawn

Very distressing to watch, poor little mites. They were crying out for love and attention. It all could have been so different.

I'll have to look at that review. I thought it was a really good programme. Certainly representative of alot of the families I worked with as a SW. I found it almost unbearable seeing the way those boys were treated, in the younger years; you can almost imagine the kind of lads they would be if only they had love and care at home and you can see that future literally disappearing in front of your eyes as the boys sat there and listened to their own gran and dad telling them they didn't ever want to see them again and that they were just sh*ts.

It reminded me how the damage done at home can be so deep that the care system which by definition is a poor substitute, has literally no chance of changing things. Because all these kids want is their parents to be able to be parents and the care system can't do that. It reminded me that parents have to WANT help and ACCEPT help, often they have not got the capacity to do this because of their own needs.

It reminded me that there are a lot of people beavering away out there to attempt to help.

is there a repeat as i missed it last night

unbearably sad, if only the support and intervention had been there when the boys mother was killed.
I just feel incredibly sad that their childhood was so full of conflict and anger and they had no love or affection.

I must say I hated hated hated that granny, she could have held the bloody key to those boys futures and she hated them.
desperately sad

bound to be biglips - I cried all the way through, especially when he was on the sofa trying desperately not to cry while his Dad and GM said they didn't want him.

What was saddest was that it could have been turned round, I believe they were good at the core.

How sad that the support hadn't been given when the mum died. The dad was obviously very depressed and he hadn't had the support either.
Even more sad that Mark (the repeat offender) said at the end he would rather have lived with his dad and took the occasional beating than have lived the life he had
Also that it was indicative of many childrens lives today. I work in school which has a catchment area of a large deprived inner city estate. I see many children living in these and much worse circumstances.
I felt slightly sorry for the sw as agree they came across well and were damned whatever they did.

They didn't listen to the boys though, did they?
When they were first asked what they thought would make things better they said "get granma to move out". The SWs laughed it off and said they didn't think that would be possible.
I think evil grandma was the root cause of all the problems. It was clearly her house and it was clear that Dad was powerless in her presence.
So I disagree that the SWs were doing the best thing for them here.

But what power would a SW have to remove an adult from her own house? How would you approach that - when it's clear that the only grounds you have to ask that of her are the grounds of welfare of the children, which clearly she could not give a flying f**k about?

I don't think it was the grandma's house. At the end of the programme when they went to find them all wasnt' she living back in the cottage where they originally found her? I think she had moved in to their family home.

And tbh whilst she was a piece of work and didn't have an ounce of compassion in her I am not sure things would have turned out any differently with her gone as the Dad was as much of a problem but in a different way.

No it was dads house and to be honest i think grandma came in and did most of the day to day things as she said, the cooking, cleaning, washing making sure theywere fed and bathed and in bed early. Yes she didn't give thme love which they craved but as others have said it could have been a generation thing.
SS have no power to remove adults anyway.

I meant quite clearly she's the boss of the house. Not her house, but she ruled the roost.

I was interested that psychological abuse wasn't brought up anywhere. Grandma was clearly guilty of that.

yes, even if the house didn't BELONG to her, the family set up was that she was there. And as I say if you're asking a family to change for the welfare of the children and the adults involved don't actually CARE about the welfare of the children then - no change will happen!

when she was yelling at the kids that they were hurting her son and her son was a good man unlike them
Nasty piece of work
I think although abov within limits that the occasional thump is preferable to day in day out emotional abuse
That bit were she said I hate them I never want to see them again and he said me either
How the fuck did the film maker not run off with thim
I know I would have bloody tried
crucifying sad to watch