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Telly addicts

Dispatches - Growing Up Poor

282 replies

TurquoiseKiss · 03/12/2019 10:59

Did anyone see this? I'm half way through on catch up - very tough to watch.

OP posts:
DuckWillow · 05/12/2019 15:20

Yep dotty let's starve those kids eh? Perhaps you'll be happy then.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 15:40

Newsflash: women do not get themselves pregnant! It requires male input. There, fixed that for you.

I think it is disgusting to punish children for being born poor, that's what I find disgusting and ignorant.

purpleme12 · 05/12/2019 15:51

I still don't understand though how Rose's mum was worse off working more hours. I'm the programme it didn't sound like she was on a zero hour contact or anything and it didn't sound like her hours varied. It said she worked 16 hours and when she did overtime it wasn't worth her while as she actually got less money. I don't understand this? I understand about how UC can get stopped if you're paid twice in a certain period and about if your hours vary but I thought that like in this case if you're contracted to certain hours and do overtime on top it should always work to your advantage with UC

stophuggingme · 05/12/2019 15:58

@dottypotter I will always want children to be cared for and looked after - and if that falls to society so be it - regardless of their provenance.

Your attitude is disgusting

AnnaNimmity · 05/12/2019 16:08

so dottypotter because you perceive the girl near you to have made bad choices, the two children in that scenario are ok to be seeking food from foodbanks? Sleeping in their clothes? Failing their exams? Thinking of self harm? Sleeping in temporary emergency accomodation?

Really? It is NEVER the children's fault that they are in poverty.

I should say in the vast majority of cases, it isn't the parents fault either. It usually takes just one thing now (such is the precariousness of our existence) to tip someone into poverty - whether that is marriage breakdown, a job loss, a bereavement, illness. I think your ignorance and lack of compassion is astonishing.

Gilead · 05/12/2019 16:49

Dotty, why do you think that 'the girl up the road' did that? Do you think she understood contraception, was she looking perhaps for a stable relationship? Did she fully understand the choices available?
It's not happening more and more up and down the country, just because you think it doesn't make it true. I suggest you either have a re-think or back down, you're not coming out of this particularly well.

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 17:12

The problem is we can pretty much all agree on two facts;

  • Nobody is more selfish or ‘to blame’ for child poverty than those who choose to become pregnant knowing they can’t provide.
  • It’s never the child’s fault and they need to be provided for regardless.

The anger and frustration is towards the irresponsible adults. People who plan, save and wait to be able to have children and support themselves are entitled to resent those who do as they like regardless and stick their hands out for charity.

It’s not aimed at the children - nobody blames poor children for being poor! They just resent irresponsible parents who bend us over a barrel by having children they can’t support, inflicting poverty on said child and then angrily expecting others to rectify it!

It doesn’t make the children less innocent and deserving but the irresponsible parents are the problem!

  • Families who have had changes in circumstances or faced unusual challenges are not included in this ^
Gilead · 05/12/2019 17:30

Thing is it's not always the fault of the parent either. I don't mean where awful things have happened. A lack of education can lead to a perception (albeit mistakenly) of pregnancy as an escape from a difficult home life, or poverty; perhaps of love and romance. Some people are not able to see other choices because they've not been show how to do that, how to work out what's best for all concerned. It's all fairly complex and people like dotty are oversimplifying situations of which they have little and want, no comprehension.

dottypotter · 05/12/2019 17:40

Of course she understood contraception lol she is a woman in her 30s. They were just sexual liaisons she wasn't even in a relationship with them just shagging around. How irresponsible can they both be. Poor kids. Glad my mother had some standards. Neither of their dad's want to know her or them. Wants a bigger house though of course guess who she is expecting to provide that for her. She isn't the only one it's happening all over the country. No wonder the gvt want to crack down. The expectation today that the state will help is beyond awful.

dottypotter · 05/12/2019 17:45

Of course I know men are irresponsible too. People in general are too reliant on the state. They don't want commitment today and they sleep around without thinking that children might result. Alot of men walk away knowing the woman can claim benefits too.

KenDodd · 05/12/2019 18:31

I remember I heard on radio 4 once that a doctor could examine a five year old child in the UK and tell what social class they are, ie if they're poor or not. Apparently this would be impossible to know by examining a Swedish five year old. Child poverty (all poverty) shames us all, even you dottypotter

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 18:45

I’m going to say something really controversial but I strongly feel it and always do when reading threads like these.

Not getting pregnant is the woman’s responsibility. Our bodies our choice and all that! If you don’t check that he’s wearing a condom or you’re not on one of the many many contraceptions available to us then you are consenting to potential pregnancy.

As a young (ish) woman it’s common knowledge that the burdens of parent hood regularly fall the women. Yes men should step up financially and emotionally but they so often don’t and it always falls on the woman it’s just this constantly repeating story that women don’t seem to learn from!

I can’t help but roll my eyes when a woman details a volatile, unstable, unreliable, hook up/relationship they had with an obvious super douche and end it with what a terrible father he is to their kids 🙄.

I was listening to David Attenborough narrating how different animals assess/choose their mates today and honestly...they’re picker than a lot of women I know.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 18:51

Not getting pregnant is the woman’s responsibility.

There you go! It's ALL your fault! None of the man's. You're even worse than a fucking macaque on a David Attenborough show, women!

That's not controversial, that's fucking disgusting.

ssd · 05/12/2019 19:24

HeIenaDove, yes that sounds the same. Unbelievable. Totally.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/12/2019 19:32

Come on, @dontalltalkatonce, I think it’s fair enough to say that if as a woman you really don’t want to get pregnant we are lucky enough in this country now to be able to do our utmost to prevent that without stigma, using a myriad options.

It IS a woman’s choice if she is prepared to risk it by having sex knowing she has skipped pills that month, by not using any contraception at all, or not going to seek the morning after pill if she DOES end up having taken risks. We all have to take responsibilities for our own bodies and what could happen to it.

In many other countries they don’t have contraception easily available and have to live with the consequences of unplanned or unwanted pregnancies, in a background of grinding poverty.

I respect any woman who has genuinely done her utmost to prevent a pregnancy, knowing that they could not financially support a child, and who has a genuine contraception failure, or who is raped with pregnancy as the outcome, and who does not want to have an abortion, needs all the financial help and support they can get in my opinion. As does anyone whose circumstances change through no fault of their own.

There are thousands of families who would dearly love another child, who work FT to support their child, but can’t afford childcare etc for more and so do their very best to prevent another pregnancy, as much as they would love another child. Because with the right to have a child comes the responsibility to provide for it properly. Some women don’t have that view.

HeIenaDove · 05/12/2019 20:41

Very interesting twitter thread

twitter.com/premnsikka/status/1202646264216801280?s=20

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 20:59

@CurlyhairedAssassin

I really wouldn’t bother trying to reason with them.

@dontalltalkatonce is representative of the ‘don’t you ‘shame’ me about my obviously bad choices backfiring’ type 😂

Me: Women should have common sense and make good choices for their lives as regardless of moral superiority it’s them who always seem to suffer.
@dontall: You’re disgusting

... No, but I escaped poverty and now have a lovely committed DH, good job/income and nice house for my kids 😬 funny how all those sensible choices worked out so well huh? Whilst the girls I grew up with had 4 kids by giant douche bags who treated them terribly from day one and were already married/engaged when they met...but no...how could they possibly foresee that ending badly?? 🙄 I’m genuinely shocked they’re not happily committed and provided for now, who knows what went wrong...it all looked so promising 😂Biscuit

Yes something unexpected may suddenly come along and pull the rug- that’s life and we are all at risk to an extent.

BUT... if you make stupid, irresponsible or badly thought out choices then maybe...just maybe, we acknowledge it’s your own fault it ends badly. Take some responsibility for actions and choices.

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 21:01
  • I am 100% not commenting on unplanned pregnancy where active steps were taken to avoid it. That’s very different and deserved total support.
dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 21:13

@dontalltalkatonce is representative of the ‘don’t you ‘shame’ me about my obviously bad choices backfiring’ type 😂

Gawd, yes! Really! I have so much 'shame' about my 'bad choices'. I have 3 children by my husband of 17 years and am not on benefits. 😂
😂 Hilarious! I had never even been pregnant before we married him. I was one of those who used two forms of contraception when I wasn't wanting to have children and then my husband got a vasectomy.

But you know, shame is very helpful to children in poverty 😂
😂
😂

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 21:25

@dontall

I didn’t say you personally had made bad choices- just that you’re the type who make excuses for those who have and nobody ever accepts responsibility for anything.

🤔 I actually wrote quite a long PP about children never being a fault and how shitty it is that nobody can criticise irresponsible adults nowadays without being accused of shaming poor children. Maybe you should give that a read - since you’re doing exactly that to me now 👍🏻

snowballer · 05/12/2019 21:43

Incredibly powerful programme. These parents are all doing their best, but even for children whose parents aren't doing their best, no child is ever responsible for their financial situation and no child deserves to be growing up in poverty. I wish I could say @dottypotter is a troll but it's people like her who keep the conservatives in government. Revolting. Inhumane. Utterly devoid of heart or soul and not even an attempt to hide her contempt for people who find themselves in dire straits. And she's clearly loving putting everyone's backs up - really the best thing to do with people like this is to ignore them and let them go back to their sad, narrow-minded judgemental lives.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 21:47

What is a PP? LOL that I'm 'shaming' you. PMSL! You're the one bandying the word around.

👍🏻 Right back at you!

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 21:54

Previous post.

I criticised irresponsible adults making obviously bad choices - and you responded with But you know, shame is very helpful to children in poverty 😂

^ Did I say it was the children’s fault or that they didn’t deserve our complete compassion?!?! No I said it’s ridiculous when women make god awful choices that everyone can see are going to end badly...and then act like a victim when they do.

Criticising the adult is not critiquing the child. Children can’t help being poor, adults can be held accountable for lacking common sense!

raskolnikova · 05/12/2019 22:21

A while ago I watched a similar documentary on YouTube, though I think it had originally been on the BBC or C4. Anyway I remember a specific comment on it along the lines of 'If the mother is so poor, why is she using branded cleaning products, she should be using bicarb of soda and lemon juice.' Whilst that may be helpful advice, the comment had a distinctly critical tone, and I remember thinking gosh, poor people really aren't allowed ANYTHING without being judged are they, not even some Cif or Toilet Duck or whatever. You see/hear it all the time in real life and on threads like these, 'Why do they have pets and mobile phones if they're so poor?' It's like if they don't live in a completely bare house, they're not trying hard enough.

I must be one of those selfish, irresponsible parents that high-earners 'resent' (apparently) - had an unplanned pregnancy with no savings. I had a job, and was renting my own little flat, but then I was swiftly fired, couldn't afford my little flat, and things snowballed from there in quite an extreme way, until the baby and I were in a refuge. And now I'm on benefits (but I don't currently own a mobile phone, so one martyrdom point for me!). I'm sure I made some bad choices but it's done now, I wonder how many years I have to self-flagellate for until I am redeemed and considered worthy of a place in society again Hmm.

Gilead · 05/12/2019 22:28

Dotty you're talking shite. People are not shagging and having one night stands up and down the country in order to get benefits. The government cracked down on claimants because of idiotic beliefs like yours. They thought it would appeal to your sensibilities and my god, they were right! You are terrifying. Although actually I do wonder if you're a tad jealous because they're having a better time than you!