Dispatches - Growing Up Poor

[TurquoiseKiss]

Did anyone see this? I'm half way through on catch up - very tough to watch.

My grandmother stayed with her husband and my mother and her brother continued to pay the price. The price they paid was to be raped and sexually abused most nights by their father and his cronies. A price worth paying no doubt. A price that destroyed not just their childhoods but those of me, my siblings and my cousin.

That is rubbish about not helping with revision books. Can't actually think of anything more useful to do with pupil premium money.

Exactly, Frequency! Those good ol' days! As Patrick Stewart recounted, 'It takes two to make a fight, Mrs Stewart,' 'What did you do to provoke your husband, Mrs Stewart?' were several of the things she was told. But hey, committed!

She did have some revision books, so maybe the School provided some but not for every subject. I also felt so sorry for her as the new 9-1 GCSEs are so hard. She might have scraped a few more Cs in the old style GCSEs. We have Michael Gove to thank for that.

I've been in this situation when on maternity..husband was working 50hour weeks as a self employed carpenter and wasnt getting paid by the contractor. Promises promises over time, took months for the pay to come.
It wasnt the right amount and by then we had spiralled into debt. Had to rely on food banks for over a month.
I couldn't only eat super noodles breastfeeding a newborn so had no choice.

I have a great deal of sympathy for these people. You cant judge if you've never been in this situation. I hope people dont feel too ashamed to ask for the help they need.

I’m watching it now and it’s brutal. I watch a lot of these type of documentaries to remind me how lucky we are. I grew up in a family like these and still have numerous anxieties. However, I think not working due to depression when your kids are starving is a cop out my dad did it and we suffered so much!

DH and I are now ‘high earners’ and lucky enough to not worry about having heating/food. I appreciate this every day and we give a lot back - food donations...etc.

However, our salary on paper is not representative of what we take home prof fees and SL alone sete us back £600 per month and put us under the £50k bracket - yet we’re not eligible for any support/funding and are unfortunate enough to be in an expensive area.

^ This is not me looking for sympathy as we are very lucky but it hate the digs and snide comments all over MN- aimed at people like us in our position. As someone who has been on both sides of the fence ‘high earning’ is not the dream I thought it would be! We don’t have more to give, we just comfortably get by!

I also genuinely believe more would be achieved if poverty like this was laid out to the ‘rich/ high earners’ in a way that didn’t accuse, shame or belittle them (and there is a lot of that on MN atm).

As somebody who lived in poverty I have about as much sympathy as anyone can for it - but even I get irritated and annoyed by the MN ‘rich people are terrible’ approach.

You think high earners should pay more tax and give more to charity but putting the facts out there in a ‘children are suffering’ approach likely be more effective than angrily pointing at a child and shouting ‘why are they hungry you rich toff?’

I can only speak from experience but as somebody who does give willingly - even I’m starting to get ticked off with the entitled and grabby approaches

@friendlyflicka I do take your point about MH issues not being a free pass (someone who was a shit before they developed MH problems is still going to be a shit with MH issues.)
BTW and totally offtopic, love the username because I read that book repeatedly as a kid...

As someone who grew up in similar circumstances to the kids on the show, I dont resent high earners. The only rich people I resent are the super rich who hoard money offshore, who I doubt are frequent MN users.
My DP had a much better upbringing than I did, not that his parents were very rich but growing up I considered 'rich' anyone who always had food in the fridge.

So yeah, unless you're dodging taxes or buying your third superyacht I wouldn't feel guilty. We're all just doing our best in a messed up system.

@ReanimatedSGB I love all 3 of those books. Still got them all. For me not my children!

I have a mother who can barely deal with life on her own, luckily as a child i had family members and grandparents step in to give me what I needed. However not every child has that safety net and no one can predict how their lives will go, you may have a baby with a loving partner and prosperous future but within 2-3 years things can change very quickly, and you find yourself in a suitation you never imagined possible. Any of us are a few life events away from being unfortunate and on the breadline. The fact that so many are struggling in a wealthy country is awful and a child does not ask for the life it was born into. Sometimes is a vicous circle that is hard to get out of if you don't have the right people around you.

*As I said there are some genuine cases of hardship and illness but in the main people are managing their lives badly and making bad choices"

I love pronouncements like this. What evidence do you have for this except for your limited anecdotal experience? Why is it the majority who have made poor choices and the minority who are ''genuine' cases ?( by what definition do you judge ' genuine' I wonder?)

Whilst I don't doubt some.poor people have made some bad choices in their lives ( as have plenty of rich people ), you have not one iota of evidence to say it is the majority of the poor.

In fact, since the gap between rich and poor has grown so much in recent years , it likely that most of the people who fall into this gap are doing so because it is getting wider, and harder to avoid , rather than because they are recklessly and unheeding rushing to jump in, with their 'faulty navigating of life'

I saw so sad watching this last night. My hear my broke for Danielle when she received her results.

She’s stuck in a vicious cycle (through no fault of her own), and I hope that she now has the right support to help her deal with her mental health issues and re take her GCSE’s. I’d love to be able to do something to help her 🙁

Dotty. Five children. How do you know what their circumstances were when they had the children?
How do you know whether or not the woman concerned had a choice with regard to being pregnant?
You don't. You don't have a clue. You're a pearl clutching judgemental woman with a wicked and selfish streak.
Oh, and by the way, every single study with regard to foul language clearly demonstrates that those using such language within the context of a well constructed sentence are brighter than those who don't. I really wouldn't comment on those using taboo language until you are able to fully comprehend the socio-linguistic complexities of such. I rather think the same applies to your comments regarding those living in poverty.

Lol choice to be pregnant never heard of contraception. Swearing sounds common and if it's so great why don't you do it in front of your kids? Why is it considered offensive. Why are there warnings if there is going to be foul language on a programme. Why are there warnings at doctors surgeries etc saying abusive language won't be tolerated.

Nobody can properly afford 5 kids unless they are extremely high earners this woman never was her situation was explained. All she kep doing was ponsing. Take responsibility fgs. We have more contraception than ever now.

Nobody can properly afford 5 kids unless they are extremely high earners
Agreed. But it is NEVER the children's fault and no child should grow up in poverty like that.

Dotty rape within marriage not exist in your world.

There is a huge difference between being abusive and swearing. As I said, try to comprehend the socio linguistic complexities before you comment. That way you don't seem quite as pearl clutching as you are.
It's poncing, btw.
And it's one woman. One family. I have no idea to whom you refer, but for heaven's sake, you are judging all by one family. The majority are not that family. There are new (and horrific) rules now about claiming benefits; it's extremely hard to stay on them for a considerable period even if you are dying.

Dotty I've got 6 children, all planned, all born 'into wedlock'. Both my husband and I high earners, with full time professional jobs. Forgive me for not planning on him dying and my daughter's subsequent cancer diagnosis 18 months later.... So now I'm your single parent of 6 kids, using UC to supplement my dwindling income and now non-existent savings. Can you please clarify which 'wrong choice' I made, seeming as you are such an expert?

@dottypotter you do know that there are lots of children who are here despite their parents using contraception. One of mine is.

Your posts are so hard faced and totally lacking in emotional intelligence, understanding, maturity, compassion or perspective.

Yes, again, dotty, you assign all the blame to women, they 'choose' to be pregnant, 'get themselves' pregnant, don't use contraception. Your misogyny is stunning.

And again, poverty is NEVER the fault of children.

diege . I wish your daughter and your family all the best.

@diege

A high functioning society is not something to ashamed of. It is something we should aspire to yet this country is regressing in practically every way I can think of. So much so that sadly morons like @dottypotter will probably come back with something that you could or should have done, because they have divested themselves of every emotion except self preservation and self interest

@ssd This sounds like what you saw

Rod Grimmer 🚩🌹
@rodjgrimmer
·
20h
Jesus.. The bloke just now on BBC news...

Being living in a homeless hostel, shopping in a community shop
Asked how he will vote
"I am all for what Boris is about"

No pal, you are what Boris is all about

Like Victorian times the deserving and undeserving poor, some of my family going back a bit were in the workhouse. We are moving back towards that sort of thing a very unequal society. :(

So you think it's OK for a woman to go out get pregnant on a one night stand then go to the gvt and ask them to support her. If it was you giving out the money you would soon change your tune. It's having more and more up and down the country.

There's a girl near me has, 2 kids different dad's. Neither want to know her or the kids. She expects a bigger home now she has her second child. No talk of supporting herself or the dads helping her. It's disgusting and it's breathtaking ignorance to say that it's not happening.