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Original poster

Fleabag - I'm disappointed

68 replies

Tehstean · 07/04/2019 23:05

I wanted to like this, I really did. It sounded great, with strong female leads - yay!

I have only watched the first two episodes but can't get over the anal sex stuff in the first episode. I hate that the writing normalised this. And normalised her finding a sex act painful but carrying on anyway. I don't want my kids to see this as standard issue casual sex, which starting a new programme with this scene does.

I'm really saddened that a programme I thought would be great for women has to feature painful casual anal sex, carried out by someone who doesn't even ask explicit consent in it. It has stopped me wanting to watch more as I now can't empathise with the lead character and also feel her role model status is significantly compromised.

Is it just me being an uptight killjoy, or did anyone else think - what a shame?

OP posts:

BramblyHedge · 07/04/2019 23:23

It probably just isn’t for you. She makes a lot of morally (from some perspectives - not necessarily mine) dubious life choices.
I don’t think she is meant to be a role model.
What were you expecting - what had you heard about it? And it isn’t aimed at kids.

LittleBearPad · 07/04/2019 23:29

She’s pretty broken and makes some terrible decisions -particularly about sex. It’s not a kids programme!

TDMN · 07/04/2019 23:30

OP have you posted about this before? Your post is very similar to another thread that was on here a while back.

In relation to your actual question, this show might not be for you. Fleabag is not a role model and is never presented as such (quite the opposite!) However she is still a strong female lead (as being a strong female lead doesnt mean a life without any awfulness in it)

FraAngelico · 07/04/2019 23:32

I don’t much care for the series myself, but surely the point is that she’s not a role model and has terrible sexual judgement?

thewinkingprawn · 07/04/2019 23:32

I too think it is just not for you - she doesn’t make some less than advisable choices (don’t we all - that’s the point) but none are held up as the right thing to do. I certainly don’t think FB would be considered a role model 😀😀😀 fabulous show though and brilliant writing.

Mememeplease · 07/04/2019 23:46

I gave up after two episodes. Purely because I couldn't get into it though.

Original poster

Tehstean · 07/04/2019 23:47

First time posting about this - only watched it yesterday! Fleabag was recommended to me by a few people who said it was funny, a bit close to the bone, featured strong women. It sounded like my cup of tea. I guess I was missold! I should have found out a bit more about it obviously, but so many people were saying how great it was I didn't think I would react so strongly against it!

As for my kids comments - my kids are 17 and 18. Just the age when I don't want them being pressured into unwanted sex and seeing a heavily touted programme launching into painful anal sex.

Horses for courses I suppose. Like I said, I'm disappointed. I want more female led programmes, just not this one. Bad judgement by a leading character is one thing, but the more porn-related stuff gets mainstream attention, the harder it is for real life women to tell men to stop with that shit.

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/04/2019 23:59

Fleabag makes terrible, terrible choices, particularly around sex. That doesn't mean she isn't strong or that the programme normalises her choices. It's a tough watch. Good people making bad choices is always a tough watch.

But anyhoo, if you don't like it you don't like it. Meh.

chocolategivesmehives · 08/04/2019 00:17

I started watching it after reading a thread on here. Hated the first episode. Decided to give the second a go. Didn't like it. Watched the third. Had to watch the 4th. And the 5th. Etc, etc, etc. Am up to the second episode of the second series and love it. Which is exactly what I think Phoebe WB wants to happen. You end up caring about Fleabag and Claire and Boo, and understanding the complex relationships, and the history, and the humanity. Just get past the anal - it's about so much more...........

HunnyCaramel · 08/04/2019 00:32

I dont think painting a positive picture, hiding that it ever happens, is the way forward. I also dont think its a requirement for male characters to be paragons, so it shouldnt be for female either. I find badly behaved women on tv refreshing.

avamiah · 08/04/2019 00:37

chocolategivesmehives,
Thankyou, yes your spot on and I agree with you totally and I really didn’t like the first 5 episodes of series one but episode 6 was really something special and PWB is just a genius and deserves all her success.
I just adore series 2 and love every single character in it even the godmother and can’t wait to watch the final episode 6 tomorrow.
I hope Fleabag gets her happy ending .

AC12vsOCG · 08/04/2019 00:41

Isn't that the point? She's pretending to be all empowered and making choices but actually she's quite damaged and the "look at all the great sex I'm having" is a front? I didn't take it to be normalising it. You need to stick with it and let the characters develop though

avamiah · 08/04/2019 00:55

She thinks she is responsible for the death of her best friend Boo but in my opinion she isn’t .
It’s a difficult one as we all have our opinions but I would highly recommend series 1 and 2 .

greenlynx · 08/04/2019 01:03

I wasn’t keen on the scene of anal sex either but it’s not the main focus of the film. I didn’t like it at all at first but she remained me someone I knew long time ago so I was curious. For me FB is lonely and wants to be loved, she wants a soul mate. Sex gives her some feelings and temporary illusion of closeness but it doesn’t work.
I think that this film shows rather that sex is not enough for happiness.

CSIblonde · 08/04/2019 04:30

I agree OP. Some of its funny, her parents etc. But a lot just reminds me of a rather sad & unhappy teen I know who is ricocheting from one bad situation & choice to another. I keep thinking the character looks too mature to still be living like this & it lurches into 'how sad' territory.

vegpatch · 08/04/2019 04:45

I only discovered FB fairly recently and binged all available episodes in about 3 days. I totally agree with what other posters have said; FB definitely isn't a role model. She's a wonderful, watchable character who I like massively, but who is currently making some really shit choices. As hilarious as it is, I also find it harrowing and upsetting. What keeps me going is the fact that I absolutely believe that FB is a great person, someone who I would like in real life, but is a mess at the moment. (Understandably, given mother's death etc). I just feel like I'm totally rooting for her and hoping so much that she can sort her shit out and be the person she is clearly capable of being.
I think the inherent tragedy is what stops it just being crass or 'rude' just in order to shock.
I also surely can't be alone in recognising some of her shitter behaviour from times when my own life has been a bit less than ideal? I think it's pretty honest and real in a way I haven't really seen on TV before.

elasticfantastic · 08/04/2019 04:56

I love Fleabag. The first couple of episodes where quite shocking re the sex stuff but I stuck with it and soon loved it. The characters are brilliant and horrible and broken people but you still grow to love them . I think it's brilliantly written and acted.

HunnyCaramel · 08/04/2019 05:25

Some of its funny, her parents etc. But a lot just reminds me of a rather sad & unhappy teen I know who is ricocheting from one bad situation & choice to another. I keep thinking the character looks too mature to still be living like this & it lurches into 'how sad' territory.

This is literally the whole point of the show? A show about her counterpart who's life is going very well thank you would be...pointless and dull?

StellaRockafella · 08/04/2019 06:42

I didn't particularly like the first series of Fleabag. It was only after watching (most of) series 2 and then rewatching the first that I enjoyed it, and also realised how much I related to the family dynamics, her emotional guilt, sense of loss, and terrible choices re. men.

You're reading way too much into the anal sex bit, and I disagree with you too, Fleabag doesn't find it painful. Indeed, that's why she's worrying she has a 'big arsehole' due to the ease of it. If anything, despite being sexually liberated and sleeping with lots of men. she seems to be bored by sex, and slightly detached from her own sex life because there's no connection with any of the men she has sex with in series 1. And that's why she lets hot boyfriend carry on with it, it's just sex and it's a way of being close to someone.

Like others have said, it's just not a tv series for you.

floribunda18 · 08/04/2019 06:47

I watched the first one of this series and found it very funny, and the main character is great, then started to watch the very first episode, which starts with her wanking in bed, which put me off a bit tbh, and I haven't got round to watching any more as I think she might annoy me too much.

ApplestheHare · 08/04/2019 06:56

I thought I'd love it too but had all the same reservations as you OP. I found it too uncomfortable to watch.

HoraceCope · 08/04/2019 07:08

the anal sex didnt appear to be painful, and yes he did ask. but you Dont Have to like Fleabag.
or you could get over the first few episodes, i went back to it after dh didnt like it, went back on my own and am now obsessed, i love her, she is so watchable

RuffleCrow · 08/04/2019 07:20

She's not supposed to be anyone's role model - and it's not a show for kids!

I'm not sure who has been selling it to you as a feminist masterpiece? What feminism there is is woven into the show as a whole (over 12 episodes) - it isn't demonstrated solely by the actions of a single character.

I have also had men try to engage me in anal sex without my consent. Social norms had me behave exactly the way she does in that scene. I'm a feminist myself but I wouldn't hold up that moment as my finest hour.

The society we live in means a lot of men have got away with doing that to vulnerable young women. Attitudes are very slow to change. I think the writing was trying to reflect the world as it is rather than the world as it should be.

crumpet · 08/04/2019 07:25

It’s not a fluffy sitcom by any stretch, and it certainly doesn’t flinch from a number of scenarios/choices she makes. But it is a fascinating, multi layered piece of work.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/04/2019 07:29

I watched the first episode but just found it boring,I'm surprised as it's really popular.

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