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Original poster

Dirty John Netflix SPOILERS thread

117 replies

Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 07:49

As we were discussing on the other thread and a bunch of us had finished but didn’t want to drop spoilers thought I’d start one for spoilers

:)

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Roussette · 19/02/2019 07:54

Here I am!

Now ... my question is... why the actual hell did she go back to him when she was given every single bit of irrefutable evidence about what he'd done to loads of women prior to her? Prison sentences, guns, harrassing
WHY?
She was an intelligent business woman. If I were her DD I'm not sure I would be able to forgive her for that.

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 07:55

I didn’t understand this either.
She said it was because he had nobody but it just seemed a bit hollow to me... like, she knew the reasons for this!

I also could not understand the lack of prenup and giving him access to accounts - she obviously had to be savvy as she was a successful business woman by all accounts!

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gubbsywubbsy · 19/02/2019 07:56

Because he had brain washed her ,she was besotted . This was a woman desperate to be loved after 3 / 4 failed marriages and who knows hiw many relationships!

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 07:59

True @grubbsywubbsy it was just so quick! He must have been so so believable
I know it’s none of our business but I do wonder what happened with her other relationships because I’m my mind that would make you more cautious but perhaps not.

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Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 08:01

I haven’t done enough extra reading on it but I shudder to think what his end game was with the daughters. kill Terra and go after Veronica/Jacquelyn next? Or just make Terra “disappear” to “punish” Debra?
Terrifying

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Roussette · 19/02/2019 08:08

Yes, gubbsy totally agree. She would've discounted anything negative at that stage because she was desperate to be with someone.

Those astute kids knew though... they could suss him out!

Also, have to ask... was it her Mother's faith that had her forgive her son in law and in turn could see no wrong in John? Because I would've thought most Mum's would be suggesting caution in this scenario.... but she was all for him wasn't she.

The whole thing does remind me of this man Mark Acklom. But without the violence. I saw one of his victims interviewed, a sensible lovely woman aged 61 who was fleeced of £850,000 after a whirlwind romance that was full of lies and subterfuge.

I am going to tell my DDs... if you meet a man who says he works for MI6 he's a liar! Grin Everything I've ever read it always seems to be an excuse to disappear when you want!

Roussette · 19/02/2019 08:09

I think Dirty John was on the edge and wanted to punish Debra and thought in his deluded head, he would get away with killing her daughter.

libertyminty · 19/02/2019 08:11

Watched this over the weekend and yes, I too got infuriated with Debra and her gullibility. Not even sure she was gullible or just desperate to have a man.
I think John went after Terra because she seemed the meekest, if the daughters are portrayed correctly you would assume Veronica would have been the one fighting back. We were cheering for Terra in the attack scene.

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 08:12

Actually yes, when his first wife spoke to his family and it ALL came out he reacted with threats of violence etc and trying to bang the door down etc

It was like he was taking it to the next level when it all fell apart with Debra and came to light again

Was it the return to drugs that made her finally leave him? I wasn’t 100% clear I think I am going to watch it again

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Roussette · 19/02/2019 08:18

I suppose she thought she could rescue him. Make it better. She'd be the one to get him to turn his life round, come off drugs.

Did he really have MS? I thought that was disproved? When he hobbled into that cafe with a stick, I would've been shouting at him, it was so false.

This is an interesting article. "we finally understand why Newell accepts her husband’s frightening shenanigans in the first place: her blind dedication to forgiveness.
I presume that comes from her Mother.

MuchasSmoochas · 19/02/2019 08:24

I got such a shock when Terra booted him! Go Terra. I listened to the first episode of the podcast but gave up as it was exactly the same as the tv show. IRL Dirty John is no Eric Bana.

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 08:28

I thought the ms was disproved as well

Yes she did help him get off drugs in the first place I suppose - did he actually get clean?! I’m doubting everything now! I can’t remember what was said about that when it was covered in the podcast

Thanks for article link

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Inkanta · 19/02/2019 08:43

Yes the blind dedication to instant forgiveness but no blind dedication to protecting her daughters. I felt annoyed with Debra for not pulling the plug sooner - when she had the chance.

She said she felt sorry for him and that he was alone, and I know she was still under his spell, but I think she was still in love with him or in need of his charming side and apparent devotion to her.

The youngest daughter is lucky to be alive but her mind will always be haunted by him when she fought him off. Can't believe she survived that actually. As a mum I hold Debra part responsible for it coming to that.

Roussette · 19/02/2019 09:13

Yes, I agree. As soon as she she saw what sort of man he was, it was pretty unforgiveable that she went back to him. She nearly lost her DD to that man because of that stupid mistake.

I am not one to victim blame, not at all, but I was frustrated with her. As it says on other threads, it wasn't just a red flag, it was a sea of red flags enough for a Communist Party convention!

Inkanta · 19/02/2019 09:39

Roussette Yes I know what you mean - it's hard not to blame the mother, and then get your head around is this victim blaming.

The way I see it a mum isn't the victim as such whilst her children are in danger - and she doesn't protect them. When all the evidence was presented to Debra about Dirty John she still took him back. Some of those reasons seemed about her own needs.

If the kids were young a social worker would rightly take them away for failing to protect. The mum would be responsible. She is still a victim of Dirty John's evil deeds. We blame her for the mum stuff though.

NurseButtercup · 19/02/2019 09:48

I'm forcing myself to watch this program because I simply don't understand why? And I don't think she's desperate, it's deeper than that.

We are not going to understand why she went back to him because we're looking at this from a rational, detached perspective.

I would go as far as saying this is an example of emotional abuse in DV. Where the woman is unable to leave the relationship because of the deeply engrained emotional abuse. Choosing the wellbeing & needs of her abuser over her children.

thenightsky · 19/02/2019 10:24

The MS was fake. After he left her in the café, he picked up the crutch and walked normally when he was out of sight of her.

I'm not sure if all the cold turkey, coming off drugs was an act too to drag her in closer to him. To make her see herself as his rescuer.

Roussette · 19/02/2019 11:24

He was a clever man alright. Helped by the fact he had the gift of the gab and was good looking. Not wanting to say the wrong thing but... if he had a face like the back end of a bus and was overweight, he couldn't have pulled it off.

Bit like the real life Dirty John I linked to upthread... he was a good looking bloke too, and could pretend to be anyone he wanted to be.

ScrumpyCrack · 19/02/2019 11:30

I don’t understand why he didn’t just stop?

He could have had everything he wanted: the home, the cars, the money, and the fact that he didn’t love her but could have pretended to for the rest of his life meant that he’d pulled off his greatest scam ever - thus ticking his final box of needing to scam people.

Inkanta · 19/02/2019 11:45

I just get the impression he was raging at the end - when his mask slipped and he got called out. They say to turn your back and walk away from a psychopath makes them particularly rage.

It's like he needed to win and destroy.

Inkanta · 19/02/2019 12:00

To be more succinct and explaining myself better Smile She was a victim, yes. A mum though is always responsible for protecting her kids - victim or not a victim. I blame her for not taking responsibility - or shirking responsibility and ignoring the glaring red flags and blatant evidence that he was a dangerous man.

thenightsky · 19/02/2019 12:21

I thought it was very clever the way he always sued his own lawyers, even the ones that won for him... hell of a way to get out of paying the bill!

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 19/02/2019 12:37

His arrogance that he would never get caught/ that he was more intelligent than anyone else really carried him through didn’t it

Agree, the suing thing was pretty clever

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qazxc · 19/02/2019 13:18

Was he initially planning to go after the older daughter but had to switch to Terra when spotted?

spinabifidamom · 19/02/2019 13:20

Why did she go back to him? Clearly she has no self confidence.

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