Dirty John Netflix SPOILERS thread

[Aberforthsgoat]

As we were discussing on the other thread and a bunch of us had finished but didn’t want to drop spoilers thought I’d start one for spoilers

:)

@Missmother It's not an area I know a lot about tbh, but my understanding was that Clare's Law is UK based and pertains to perpertrators with a history of physical domestic violence. So there has been physical harm to others.

I don't know how it works in practice here, though from your example, it doesn't!

I don't know if they have a similar law in US but I know they do not currently have anything similar to the newish law here which criminalises 'coercive control'.

I think the UK stalking expert made the point that John Meehan had no (known) previous history of physical violence to women. He was not physically violent to Debra. But he did have many stalking offences which made him very dangerous to women. So a stalking register would cover people who pose a threat in this way. The UK stalking expert talked about homicide being a very real possibility of the endgame of stalkers in this scenario.

I’m in the UK and I actually think my boyfriend had no previous for DV, but why couldn’t the police just say this? Also, I know another woman who had a violent boyfriend, and when they’ve gone to the police to report it, then never once have they said that he had previous, and later on his ex told my friend that he battered her, yet the police didn’t warn her!

It’s also the same with the sex offenders law, well sex offenders that are dangerous to children, aren’t parents meant to find out when an offender is living near them?

I’ll believe that these registers are in place, and work, when someone tells me that they have used it, otherwise I don’t believe it.

Have now watched the series and The Dirty Truth. I’d like to know more about Debra’s previous marriages - what were they like, who were the men?

I read something that said her last hubby only wanted money and he put her down a lot, he told her she wasn’t beautiful whereas John told her that she was, repeatedly, but still

I read something on Reddit that said ‘the first red flag should have been that a man aged 50 wanted a woman the same age as himself, most men this age go for women aged about 35’, whilst this can’t be true of all men that age, then there’s definitley a whole lot of men that do go for women considerably younger than them, so I see what the poster meant.

I don't know if it's been mentioned but I was really waiting for a storyline to do with the morning smoothies he would bring her every day. I thought maybe he was slowly poisoning her?? Obviously not lol

I did wonder if he was drugging her to make her more confused and docile.

I got absolutely infuriated with Debra, despite knowing that I was victim-blaming, and cheered for her lawyer when he got angry with her for meeting up with John as it undermined the claim that she was scared of him. her reply was that she met him because she was scared of him. She seemed to be very gifted at her designer job, but had got plenty of tougher people around her to run the business, and was not very tough at all.

There was also a bit of explanation lacking as to why Debra was keeping such a large amount of cash in her wardrobe - unless I missed it.

Debra kept the cash in a bag in her drawer because she said that it was handy in case of emergencies and made a joke about Zombies coming! This was when she added Johns money to hers.

I’m watching it all over again, Connie Britton plays Debra so fantastically, she’s an amazing actress.

Had anyone ever heard of Britton before she did Nashville? I hadn’t but according to Wikipedia she’s been acting since the 90s and Nashville was the first thing I’ve ever watched her in, and now she’s kind of burst onto our screens, not that I’m complaining but I just find it strange that she’s been acting for over 20 years and yet, she didn’t seem to be in any TV shows ‘TIL Nashville

Missmother

I agree on Connie she played Debra fab. The only other thing I’ve seen Connie in (just before Nashville) was American Horror Story, which I highly recommend watching there’s 7 series on Netflix although Connie’s only in the first (I think!)

I’ve seen AHS, I got bored though at season 3, I just couldn’t keep up but I had a friend staying with me for a few weeks and it was on, but we kept talking, she ended up watching it when she went home and loved it, I thought the first season was great but the rest was blah imo.

Very strange to just have an Actress introduced to TV when she’s in her 40s.

I think she said the cash was kept in case of earthquake etc but I guess could also have been a tax dodge? Seems a lot to keep in the house for emergencies!!

I think it’s sad that so many people are berating her - we talk about coercive control and emotional abuse on here so much, women being isolated from their family by abusive men.

And yet here is a woman who has clearly been manipulated, her kids are adults so yes, she has a duty to protect them but she’s also at a stage in life where actually it’s not all about the kids, she thinks she’s found someone lovely and the kids are just being little shits, as presumably they have been before - they may well have disliked/lied about her other partners and she’s just sceptical when they tell her about the things he’s said and done, that they’re just stirring because they want to stay living at home, getting money from her and using her flash car.

Things may not have played out exactly as the TV show made out, we saw proof of the texts her sent, the photo of him spitting on the BC for example - it may be that she had to take a lot more of it by just hearing the kids’ version of events. If they were as selfish and spoiled as they appeared, she probably didn’t believe a lot of it.

I know she was naive and should never have gone back to him, but she was also a victim, he stole from her, manipulated and intimidated her, if she was on here we’d all be saying LTB, think of the children etc but you know she’d be back here months later, still with him because it’s not that easy. Cognitive dissonance and all that.

Did I read correctly that often victims of DA often have multiple episodes of leaving before they can finally break all ties with the abuser?

Yes Theknacktoflying they do try to leave an average of 6 times before they leave for good, this can’t be all women obviously but it’s obviously true of the ones that have had help from Social Workers, Lawyers and the Police.

I’ve just read that a second season of Dirty John is going to happen albeit a different true life story, they can’t call it Dirty John though, I hope the next story is as good as the next one!

Next one as good as this one I meant!

Tbh the documentary scared me because he was my ex husband all over, although I was young and naive and had no children. I have witnessed my exh continue in the same manner with the woman he was with before me, and I am so relieved that I got out.

The bit where his first wife confronts him in the kitchen and he stands up and right before her/our eyes becomes the person he really is was very creepy and reminded me very much of my ex husband.

There is a dirty John real story on Netflix. The eldest daughter was blacked out although terra and Debra were speaking.