In the past people have genuinely tried to help me sew and knit, but there's something that doesn't compute with me - the brain and the hands won't work together.
At school back in ye olden days, our first project was a craft apron which was basically a piece of gingham folded up so you had a huge pocket the width of the apron. It was a half apron by the way - no top bit.
It took me two years, I swear to God. I managed one day to actually sew said apron to my school skirt. I was sewing on my lap, and went right through, so when I stood up the apron was attached to me.
We had to go round the outside of the apron with blanket stitch. I was very proud of myself when I'd finished only to be told by the teacher it was upside down. So the flat thread bit that goes along the edge was at the top of the stitch so it made a line about a centimetre away from the edge.
In the end they just gave up on me and I used to get sent out to the shops next door to the school to get the ingredients for the cookery class.
We had girls who were making overcoats - proper coats in thick outdoor fabric, lined and everything. Amazing.