Mastercheffians Assemble! Final Final 2018

[fourquenelles]

Squeaky new thread for tomorrow's final

'Plebeian Masterchef'

It's known as 'Pleb Masterchef' in our house too. What a pair of tramps we are squoosh

I agree that Marcus probably doesn't have the patience for PM. How about the lovely Lisa Faulkner, taking over from her old man JT? I could see Lisa and Monica Galetti being a good pairing. Same idea - chef paired with non-chef, except Lisa known a fudge lot more about food than Gregg the Unbearable. And she wouldn't go around bellowing at people and shouting 'wah-hey!' all the time, so our nerves would be safe

Round 5
Prepare a family meal for one vegetarian, two people that rage at vegetarian fodder “WHERES THE MEAT????”, one dieter - all eating at different times due to work/activities

Torode is losing it

All his stupid blubbing and wet eyes, that Faulkner woman has turned him into a stupid orange tshirt wearing sissy

Gurning Grocer isn’t even amusing any more. At first he was mildly fun in a cockernee what the fuck am I doing here way. Now he thinks he knows what he’s talking about he’s just ridiculous

Agree it needs a shake up. I’d go Sean Lock and Grace Dent

Also, he can be a bit irascible shall we say that will be the lack of vitamin D-let the poor guy out occasionally!
There must be loads of bright young Michelin chefs who'd jump at the chance of a prime time TV gig. I could conduct auditions. pure greed there Squoosh.
We could have the best time running MC. I see a point system.Flowers are an immediate demerit, as is raw meat, marzipan, sou vide, octopi, tweezer food. Non wanky food that people can actually eat gets ten points. Raw fat is an immediate out.

lists

Your new format is inspired! What about

Round 5 - your son's new girlfriend is coming for a meal. You have ever met her, but you have had her pointed out to you by your besotted son when she came careering past your house one evening as part of a hen party, so you know what she looks like the foul-mouthed brazen trollop. He has told you she is vegan and gluten-intolerant, and also has an allergy to all e-numbers, however you have seen her on several other occasions necking a kebab at the bus-stop. Prepare a meal that the entire family can eat but which will not offend her totally fictitious dietary requirements. You can use as much gin as you like.

Also, he can be a bit irascible shall we say that will be the lack of vitamin D-let the poor guy out occasionally!

Is it weird that I'm very excited about tonight, my culinary fare will include a pot noodle type thing, it is friday after all

I want to see more crying, but from Gregg preferable when someone thumps him one.

Catch you all later

Schaden

Has to be David to win now, I think. Nawamin is a bit of a one-trick pony (albeit a very clever one) and Kenny is unreliable. Have to say I didn’t have David down as a finalist, let alone a potential winner, but he’s grown on me.

Can I join you guys (although my chances of watching this live tonight seems slim). I've been considering an alternative MC format - real cooking for real people. whip up dinner in 15 minutes using ingredients in fridge, freezer or cupboard etc then feed to horde of 15 year old boys who will judge.....

Undead David. So true. But he's grown on me. As for Namin (I can't be assed to figure out his name because of his weird ridiculous grin that he keeps up at all times. It's very very disturbing).

Alex was the one y one making food I actually want to eat!

What time is it on? I’m worried I won’t see it live either.

I’m making salmon darnes crusted with garlic and herbs, dill sauce, minty peas, potato wedges. And I may have a go at crispy salmon skin as it seems crispy skin is all the rage!

Taffeta and Schaden I think that's rounds five and six nailed.

Lets propose it -come on BBC step into the real world- make them cook for allergies, for fussy kids (and teens), for restricted diets and all on a budget and please get rid of green grocer man

Oh for goodness sake, Paranormal, salmon?? Haven't you got any piranhas like normal people?

ONLY TWO AND A HALF HOURS LEFT!!!!

Just time to prepare piranha bonbons in a river of white chocolate.

Oh, listsandbudgets - you must include the mumsnet chicken in your new format.

Just checked according to radio times its 8.30 tonight - should give me time to get ds to bed and rip open the doritos :)

@Halsall the piranha shortage is due to us MNers all serving it up to various dinner parties tonight obviously. Salmon will soon be the riske and piranha the norm. Give it time.

You are all right. I’m going to make a puffer fish with a side of guinea pig and guinea pig sauce. And instead of chips, deep fried pastry chips.

Blobfish is the new must-have, surely?

I shall serve it en blancmange (strawberry)

We don't have a guinea pig... do you reckon a couple of hamsters done three ways with red win jus, sauteed potatoes and roast veg would make a reasonable alternative?

They all did a bit of a Q&A in the Mirror today, and David said his low point was when Grace Dent judged his food as she was 'evil', the worst of which wasn't broadcast.

I haven't got guinea pigs, hamsters or blob fish

Would tortoise do, perhaps? Served on the half-shell with a garnish of partially-digested lettuce? 🐢

Tortoise has a very distinctive flavour. That lettuce will need to be perfectly balanced.

I could add a bit of soil?

Or use mud. Or clay. Manure maybe?

Slightly gutted Halsall got to the half-shell gag before I could 🐢