Made in Chelsea’s back

[Fabellini]

With a cameo from Toffs jungle camp mate Stanley! I know I shouldn’t watch this, I’m well aware I’m not the target audience, but I find it strangely compelling.....
Found tonight’s episode as infuriating as always - why on earth has little fat Fonz decided he needs to be in London to paint, and when did Tiny Tears get her lips done?

I'm just so attracted to you - because it is in my contract to utter this because that is what the script says.

Are you? - fuck me I can't believe this is the wet lettuce they picked for me to hook up with.

Yeah. - of all the blonde bints they've picked the dullest one for me.

Freddie widemouthwideeyes is really rather not so easy on the eyes. All that limp rat-taily tendrils. Eeuuch. Gel horn? More like cream puff. If I woke up next to that my lulu would hermetically seal itself.

The argument - such as it was - between Miles and James? Insipid pish. Five-heid's face when he was stirring up Sammy mirrored mine. JT was a nasty cahnt.

Mytt and his LOTR watchful eye? When he was looking more like Del Boy? Mange tout.

The singer needed little nipple flowers and a smooth groove. I however was more distracted by Mytt club dancing like Shaz Stone's girlfriend in Basic Instinct.

Harpy is a chippy hooer.

Though not as much of a chippy hooer as J'T's evil twin Jamesie Bieber. And what was with that terracotta swirly patterned jacket?

I bet Rosi hermetically sealed herself that night too.

Wt actual f was attached to Digby's head in the last scene?

It looked like a cross between a misguided quiff and a dead rodent.

Nah. Not a dead rodent.

It is TT. Despite professing that she wanted to leave MIC, she spoketh pish and cannot bear to leave and hid inside Digby's hat instead. Like Wideyfreddy, she is also blessed with rodent tailed tendrils and they sneaked out from the brim.

Solved. I'm more MI5 than MIC.

And possibly tripping on too much cheese.

Oh god yes, his hat I did snort at that, it's so clearly not what he would want on his head surely .

Interesting theory @NumbersStation

36 hours of no sleep can make you have cheese dreams even if you are awake - clearly.

If TT can speak pish then so can I

I think Digby would have looked better if he'd have worn wigby.

Liv should hire it out. Given that Miles went out with his shirt unbuttoned to his knees, it could keep him cosy.

Mytt could knit it into his own hair and look like Cruella De Vil.

Jamie can claim his transplant had taken more than he'd dare dream of although it would make him look more than Sa Vil...

And Harpy? She can have a furry gag. I'm seeeck of 'er.

I need sleep. Sorry.

Fred was very funny, mangina indeed

Fred's great. I still love the original cast best.

Was pleased to hear that we can now join Binky Felstead at her retreat in the countryside. Full time creche, not too shabby!

I bet she'd be a laugh as well. She's chilled out when she's not with the likes of Mytton.

These are the details bit.ly/2Jbr12r

Maybe one day Fred will run a retreat! I would be there in a heartbeat. I wonder what he'll do post model career. No one ever talks about what models do next.

Did Liv say she was or wasn't wearing wigby in the club scene? Her hair looked exactly the same!

I actually loved this episode.

Jamie and Olivia supporting each other talking about wigs and hair transplants.

Mytt raising a glass to himself for being such a good friend

Fred was hilarious.

Maeva's discussion of Miles with Mark Francis and his look of horror just at the name "Sammy".

James petulantly confronting Miles who clearly couldn't give a shit.

I feel a bit for Rosie, James is going to trample all over her poor innocent heart.

By the by that scene in Ravenscourt Park is the one I saw being filmed; the one where Miles slagged James off to Angus and Freddie.

I think we should all don our Wigby's in honour of tomorrow eves cultural extravaganza

Let's go to Cape Town and destroy everyone's relationships.

Where the fuck do they find these woo therapists?

Liv dearest, your libido has gone because your boyfriend is a dick.

James in the recap: "I'm just finding it hard to care"

You and me both James

Liv you don't fancy Rigby cos he's a big wet fart.

Habbs if you haven't fancied Biscuits until now you don't fancy him at all (remember Jess?)

James is a title and will defo shag his ex if she lets him (and she will).

What do these women see in James? am I missing something

You are missing nowt martha

You will maybe have noticed Rosi appearing to recoil every time wee Jimmy got within 2 feet of her? The blondes are interested because they are paid to be as part of the programme.

Funny that the pursuit of fame comes with that little egg,

Getting pennies to be interested in someone was known as something else in my day.

They are not only jumping the shark but straddling it triumphantly in a reverse cowgirl.

'They are not only jumping the shark but straddling it triumphantly in a reverse cowgirl.'

Martha, I don't get what these women see in James either. Obviously they could go for any guy on the show and get the same or more attention.

It's an odd one.

For those who do not appreciate James (or the lovely Fred's) talents, here's an alternative:

www.instagram.com/p/Bxfv8UhgDUA/

The thinking woman's crumpet?

Glad it's not just me

It most of these Dumble wumbles I can at least see a scrap, be it often tiny, of charm, attractiveness, humour. Something ....but him....

He's just an angry Beeker

Now that's brightened up my day being back Mr Proudlock

I find Proudlock a bit too "jazz hands" to be sexy. It's like he's always being a character / trying to be cool. But I know that loads of women fancy him so thought it might cheer you up!

Got to assume James has huge personal charisma but unlike with Spencer or Jamie, it doesn't translate on screen....

Huge personal charisma or huge personal bank balance or huge personal cock or huge personal input in the script?

I'm up for phone a friend but would risk it for a biscuit.

No. No. No. Yes.

But fook me, it isn't as though you'd want to do anyone else in the cast. They all give me the cowk.

Fiver says maeva has the biggest schlong of all of them. You know it. Every time she sees Miles, her face just gets that little bit more nippit.

Something is pulling any moveable skin down away from her face.

Hi, coming to join the fanatics if I may? I don’t know where they find these therapists, tantra and chocolate trees. My life! Found myself quite enjoying the new series though I must admit.