*************************aged 12 and looking after the family*******************CH4 NOW

[Nemo2007]

looks interesting.

poor poor people - they have opened themselves up to all sorts of abuse now

that fibromyalgia woman looked lazy and selfish to me

'we're a happy bunch'

right...that is why the younger daughter attempted suicide at age 8 and the older daughter never wants her own kids.....

self absorbed, selfish, or unable to comprehend what is going on

Your absolutely right better, they have. They have been used by the company and maybe edited to look horrendous but there is no smoke without fire is there. You only had to look at their surroundings - no sheets on the beds, soiled clothing, dirty floors.

I only hope for the sake of each and every child in that household they start to get the help and support they truly deserve. The parents need help too, help to understand the concept of having a family, looking after that family.

Lets hope they all do.

i am 26 now and was 20 when i had my first lo and got a lot of questions at the hospital and from hv's as i look quite young about parenting classes and how i would cope

obviousley they need to put their efforts into making sure the people that need the extra care and help get it

There are 175,000 young carers in the UK (census figures, although the real figure will be much higher) but this programme didn't show a typical situation, I don't think.

The plight of unpaid family carers (over 6m adult carers as well) should have a much higher profile, especially considering the fact that the government has just withdrawn loads of funding from social care (the week that Celeb Big Brother furore was on, so the news was buried), but this programme was more about neglect and abuse via neglect than about young carers. Really upsetting viewing, and I wonder if the programme makers acted responsibly? They should have called the programme something else as it doesn't paint an accurate picture of what most young carers content with.

The boy and his mother presented a more typical situation but you don't remember them so much, do you?

The young boy and his mother did but in a different context. I saw nothing but sadness and emptiness in the young lads eyes and that was horrible to see. I think he is amazing what he does and I dont think he gets enough recognition for what he does.

To find out his mother tried to commit suicide must have been absolutely horrific for him - why did she do it? I understand she may have been suffering or guilt but to put that emotional pressure on an already loaded young lads shoulders is out of order.

I hope to god he achieves going to university and starts living a life he is due.

Yes, the woman said that her son's father wasn't in the picture, so had she committed suicide, he would have effectively been an orphan.

Yes, the mother's attempted suicide was horrible. And the fact that her son had to stay in the house on his own overnight afterwards.

There are a lot of young carers who have to deal with this kind of thing - it seems to me that they almost become the adult and the parent becomes the child.

They have a right to a childhood and they should be allowed to have it.

There are laws not allowing children to work to a certain age. So why should the government be so happy to let young children care for their elders? There should be more help for people who need help and assistance and not relying on cheap labour from young innocent children.

I was totally unimpressed by the mother with the 14yo boy. If she could do embroidery, why could she not do the ironing sitting down? I felt that she was burdening him unnecessarily because she herself is depressed and dare I say it, a little selfish.

What both set of parents don't seem to realise is that once their children are in a position to leave home, they will be gone for good. The blind couple are going to have a nasty shock when their children, especially the daughters, grow up. They won't see them for dust.

I really hope the 14yo boy achieves his ambitions. He needs support now though because he is already disappearing for 24hours from time to time just to get away from his situation.

This has really raised my awareness of the predicament of young carers and I truly hope that more is done to support them.

The family where the two daughters were caring was beyond horrific but the young boy I felt was also in a very bleak situation. I don't believe the situation arose purely or even mainly out of his mother's physical problems, it was clearly her depression that was pushing him into the caring role long before the fibromyalgia became an issue. And as for the ironing - it did make me wonder how high her expectations actually were of him - he clearly hated doing it so why did he have to - I rarely iron anything myself - you really can get away without if you give things a good shake out when you take them out of the washing machine - I did kind of feel she was imposing this routine on him as a form of control.
And the suicide 'attempt' which clearly wasn't much of an attempt, that was almost an act of aggression given the context of it.

I thought the ironing was a control thing too. She couold get someone in to do it, or send it out to be done, or leave it. He shouldnt have to spend his time doing it thats for sure.

why comit suicide and then call someone to take you to the hospital surely that defeats the purpose - or do you think the boy had said at somepoint that he wasn;t going to do evrything anymore and it was her being manipulative

That's what DH and I thought. No wonder the poor kid disappears for 24 hours.

Thinking about the children of the blind "parents" is still making me sad.

I keep thinking that if the situation was summarised as a "12 year old and a nine year old with three children of their own and two slightly mentally deficient adults to look after" how quickly would social services decide that this was just not a situation that they could allow to continue ?

It just looks like child abuse and I personally think that the kids should decide how much help they require in the house as they are the ones dealing with the workload.
I wonder if the parents were possibly used to having everything done for them in an institution type establishment, because of their disability, when they were growing up and went straight into having kids themelves without ever really having shown that they could even look after themselves/their own home let alone children too. Who looked after the first two girls for them as if they are not capable of doing it all themselves now, how did they manage to start with?

I worry that the two girls are already mentally scarred and just want to make it all better for them. As for the parents belief that the "kids will look after them in their old age", I do believe they'll be very lucky if it actually happens. If you were robbed of your childhood would you want to give up your 30's, 40's and possibly 50's and 60's caring for the same thoughtless/selfish individuals who deprived you of your childhood ?

recieved an email from the NSPCC -

Dear QP,

Thank you for bring your concerns to the NSPCC attention. We have been made aware of the issues facing the children in this programme and are liaising with local agencies to ensure that action is taken to assess and safeguard the welfare of all the children concerned.

Thank you again for the expressions of concerns and for alerting us.

Kind regards

that's good. It still haunts me and makes me cry

me too - asked all my friends if they saw it - they said No!!!!

Slimming World is doing a slimathon for NSPCC - I think I am going to do this now

x

Has anyone seen the programme where a woman with no arms and legs (well, pretty much) had a baby? She had a live in helper and did everything in her power to look after the baby, carrying it with her teeth, laying down beside it to breastfeed and still got a carer in to help her be the best possible parent. Her house was clean and tidy, which she cleaned with HER FEET! She was an artist aswell. There is no excuse, it's sickening.

Yes, seems standard email Sounds like they got quite a few complaints then which is good.

alison lapper, her name is. but then she doesn't have any mental issues and quite clearly those parents do. agree with whoever said that they may have been instutionalised. nevertheless, shame on social services for letting them get on with it.

I have a good friend who was left completely blind and deaf in one ear from meningitis as a complication of measles when he was 7.

He is a social worker.

His wife is blind from birth.

She is a secondary level maths teacher at the Royal School for the Blind.

They have a fully grown daughter with CP whom they brought up on their own with help from a carer and a lot of support from social services, Homestart, etc.

Their home is extremely neat and tidy.

These people had obvious mental impairments, not just being blind.

I've changed my ID as I know so many people on MN and I don't want people to feel sorry for me!

I've not watched IT so cant comment on the program, but I saw the advertisement for it and just cried, because it brought back so many bad memories. I am the eldest one of ten and form the age of 11 yrs I was shown how to look after my brothers in a big way. By the time I was 14 and I didn't go to school I had to look after my brother all day, I cocked meals for the whole family on a daily bases, did all the house cleaning, washing clothes, pots, bed, making baby bottles....ect and looked after my 8 brothers, 3 right from new born and 2 of my brothers had HADD it was so incredibly hard and so very lonely. My dad worked all the hours god sent (7am-11am 7 days a week) just to keep food on the table, on the other hand my mother would just cry and cry claiming she just couldn't cope with all the children on her own she would beg me to not go to school but to stay at home to help look after my brothers (school would by her story that I was being bulled), But it wasn't just help it was do the lot, she would take the children to school and leave me to it all day she would go to friends house, town, afternoon bingo and so on, and sometime forget to pick up my brothers from school I would get the phone call at home that the children were still at school I would then have to drag 2/3 babies to school just so I could get them. I had no sympathy for my mother when se would cry A) because a began to hate her AND B) It was her choice to have the children. I starting helping my mother to look after my brother like I said before from 11 in that time she had 3 more and I was just pasted them to look after as soon as the child was born "it was a boy" and she was incredibly desperate for a girl, and only a girl, so my brother got neglected by her 100% because they weren't what she wanted. In that time from 11 yrs till I ran away from home just before I was 17yr (ran away from home for 2 reason one was couldn't cope no more) I had tried to kill myself 3 times 2 were a cry for help but the last time I just wanted to go leave this horrid life, my mother didn't know I had tried to kill my before but when I tried the 3rd time I was 16, she wasn't even bothered she didn't come to the hospital never even rang the hospital to see how I was! Rising and looking after children is hard when your a woman and there your own children, but when your just a small child and you never even asked for this big responsibility it so much harder, you will not even come close if you even tried to imagine it.

sorry it's so long! And sorry about the spelling!

Oh lonelyone, what a sad story. I can see how even the ad for that programme would have upset you. You were right not to watch it.

How are you now?

I've never ever forgiven my mother and after I left my brother who was 11/12 was left to do what I did, I never forgiven myself for that! I just thought that looking after your sibling was what you did, well I only thought that until I became a mum myself at 18 but I knew more then normal mum my age did, but I knew something more important "children are mother and fathers responsibility ONLY no one else's! Children should not look after CHILDREN, I don't talk to my mother no longer, I feel sorry for my brothers as I have a 3 yr sister who is the light of my mothers life and is well looked after by HER! I have 2 DS and they are my world as well as my husband, my DH has always been my rock he helped me get away from her when I was 17 so he knows all about my non-childhood, I don't like going into my past but sometimes it makes you who you are I don't do any of the thing my mother did, and I don't love her I only have hate, my non-childhood is one of many things that woman did to me! I wish I would of told SS the truth when they came round but my mother would tell me the right things to say before they came and would tell me that if I didn't that all us children would be put into care. I put myself though college okay I only got myself a c in English but that means the world to me. I'm happy now and with the life I have to come but my past is more than my heart can bare!