Jesus. If I see one more dailymailsadface from Sam...
Tiff love. Do yourself a favour. Buy Sam a voucher from a tattoo shop so that he may add the letters 'a' and 't' to your initials on his scrawny bicep and walk away with your head held high. The pitiful excuse threatened to go large on your sister. I would wager the only thing large about him is his inner arsehole.
Loved Jess not so subtly trying to put off Jamie's new squeeze. 
And Binky's nib in ink comment? Together with the she really loves you, you really love him singsongy playground pish? Really? Though you are probably just saying that to deflect from your relationship. None of us think you are getting any nib after all. You have the wrong type of ink pot.
Toff would do my nut in with her goofiness but she is too sweet to upset. Looks like Heseltine junior is not going to have such scruples. You are not cut out for a relationship you bell end. Away and build yourself a robotic wanking claw and fade away. And take Sam with you.