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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you actually like your teenagers?

80 replies

cherylannet · 17/06/2010 00:03

My DD is 16, nearly 17, and an awful lot of the time I really dont like her. Is that a terrible thing to say? Do any of you ever feel like that?

Tonight for example, she wanted to bring her laptop into the living room and I said no, it lives in the dining room and that was the agreement when she was bought a new one (after she left her previous one on the floor and it got destroyed by a friend spilling water on it). Well that 'no' set her off on a pretty nasty verbal attack on me, her stepdad and our marriage - which is great by the way. She really has what my Mum might have called 'a vicious tongue' when things dont go her way, and she can be unbelievably nasty. Tonight she came to say goodnight and I couldnt even look at her I was so sick of being spoken to like that. Then of course the old guilt kicked in. But tbh, she speaks to me on a daily basis in a way that I have never spoken to anyone else.

Is it just us, have I bred some sort of wicked child, or do some of you really not like your teenagers either?

Thanks

OP posts:
HighOverlordCybil · 17/06/2010 00:06

No, as a species they are capable of being vile. But also fantastic. i try to take the rough with the smooth

scurryfunge · 17/06/2010 00:08

My DS, 15,nearly 16, can say some pretty vile things and then seems to be sweetness and light 5 minutes later.....everything is a drama for a few minutes then totally forgotten,leaving us seething. I have to remind myself constantly that teens are like that....they blow hot and cold. I always get an unsolicited apology but it does drive me nuts.

PortiaNovmerriment · 17/06/2010 00:10

I generally like them a lot. But I can understand that it would erode that if they spoke to me like that, so it's not unreasonable. I guess it's a bit like when your toddler says they hate you though- try not to take it too personally. A quiet chat about family backing each other up is in order though, when she is calm and pleasant.

Tortington · 17/06/2010 00:52

i like mine most of the time, but dd has a gob on her occasionally. i just ignore her for the most part.

she hasn't 'laid' into me for a while now, but i absolutley get where you're coming from.

when this has blown over,i suggest you make a concious effort to do something togetther

rose1927 · 17/06/2010 15:47

Like my son, he is lovely 19Not my daughter she is a pain 17Love my 9 year old need to think of a way to stunt her growth and keep her small.

cat64 · 17/06/2010 15:49

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sarah293 · 17/06/2010 15:52

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supersalstrawberry · 17/06/2010 15:57

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ByTheSea · 17/06/2010 16:03

No. Vile is an understatement.

AgentProvocateur · 17/06/2010 17:07

I like mine better as teenagers than toddlers. They're funny, smart, sociable and loving most of the time. I don't know if it's different with boys, because my nieces of the same age were fabulous toddlers but are hideous teenagers.

I like it that they fill the house with people, and you don't actually have do anything for their friends - you can enjoy them for who they are.

mumeeee · 17/06/2010 17:34

I only have one teenager now DD3 who is 18 my other 2 are 20 and 23. At times I didn't like what my teenagers did but I have never stopped loving them., If they had spoken to me rufdely but came to say goodnight at the end of the day I would still talk to them as Tengers often don't think before they speak. Also at 15 nearly 16 I would have let her bring her laptop into the living room as she at least would have been with you. Most tenagers would be up in thier bedroom on their laptops or listrning to music.

noddyholder · 17/06/2010 17:40

Not at the moment.Ds is driving us mad so so rude and we had a planned trip to barcelona with him and 3 mates which we have cancelled today as he is being outrageous I think they become vile so that it is easy to let them go.My ds turns on the charm if he wants something but even that isn't working on us now and he is being a pita 24/7

pointydog · 17/06/2010 17:48

They can be so bloody over-dramamtic. But I do like them a lot.

brimfull · 17/06/2010 17:53

my 18yr old dd is easy going and never in a mood
I am more moody than her-she takes after her dad in that respect.
ds is only 7 and has my temperment..I am not looking forward to his teens

supersalstrawberry · 17/06/2010 17:56

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maltesers · 17/06/2010 17:59

My DD is now 19 yrs and away in London nursing. She was a teen terror from HELL ! Horrible most of the time. . .insulting, and plain disagreeable. Now when i see her this year she is so much nicer and more friendly.. She now "doesnt bite the hand that feeds her " IYSWIM.
Girls are worse i think.
My older DS is 22yrs and a nice young man, kind , conciderate and polite.
Youngest DS is 9 yrs and getting very cheekly, so i have it all to come.
YANBU to loathe your DD. . . teenage girls are littles B.I.T.C. HS !!!!

UnsureAndMore · 17/06/2010 18:31

Oh my word, my teen is a similar age and sounds identical! She can be sweetness and light but she can also be demonic and I find myself counting the days til she goes to uni...in two years time!!

Original poster
cherylannet · 17/06/2010 21:31

So good to know I'm not alone...

I've got two stepsons and they are sooooo easy compared to DD. She knows exactly what to say to hurt me, and if anything doesnt go her way, thats it, she turns on me. I've never ever spoken to anyone the way she talks to me, have to say I find it quite shocking. On some level, I'd like to think she knows she is doing wrong as it never happens in front of her stepdad, just when we are on our own. Sad to say this, but I really dont like her at all at the moment.

Suppose the good things are that she is doing well at school, holding down a Saturday job and isnt into any bad stuff.

As for counting the days to Uni, haha I thought that was just me

OP posts:
verycherry · 17/06/2010 21:35

Sometimes I REALLY don't like my teens but 99% of the time they are great company, loving, helpful and fun to be with.

Now my nearly 3yro is a different matter...

AnyFucker · 17/06/2010 21:38

I really don't like my 14 yo dd at the moment

and the feeling is very mutual

I am a neglectful parent apparently (just because I won't do as she says...)

whatevs

snorkie · 17/06/2010 22:28

I love mine - They're 16 & nearly 15 and are mostly great fun to be with. Of course, there are the other moments too, but they're not really being wicked - just hormonal & trying to loosen the bounds. You sound as if you really need to somehow 'engineer' more of the good moments so you feel more positive about her overall.

cat64 · 17/06/2010 23:00

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usualsuspect · 17/06/2010 23:05

I love my teenage ds .hes very funny ,makes me laugh all the time ..he is a bit gobby tho

fortyplus · 17/06/2010 23:15

My two sons are 16 and nearly 15. They're great and so are their friends. They have their moments but my strategy is to remember what it felt like to be a teen - to believe that you knew everything and your parents were so old fashioned and just wanting to stop you doing things - and not trusting you.

I think lots of parents go too far with 'grounding' teens or taling away the pc for a month at a time or whatever. We dodn't treat other adults like this so why do it to teens?

I try to treat them in an adult way and allow them to reason and negotiate with me.

It works for us - they're no bother at all and great fun most of the time

usualsuspect · 17/06/2010 23:18

I'm with you fortyplus...I've never grounded ds or taken his pc,phone etc away ..works for us too

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