Do you actually like your teenagers?

[cherylannet]

My DD is 16, nearly 17, and an awful lot of the time I really dont like her. Is that a terrible thing to say? Do any of you ever feel like that?

Tonight for example, she wanted to bring her laptop into the living room and I said no, it lives in the dining room and that was the agreement when she was bought a new one (after she left her previous one on the floor and it got destroyed by a friend spilling water on it). Well that 'no' set her off on a pretty nasty verbal attack on me, her stepdad and our marriage - which is great by the way. She really has what my Mum might have called 'a vicious tongue' when things dont go her way, and she can be unbelievably nasty. Tonight she came to say goodnight and I couldnt even look at her I was so sick of being spoken to like that. Then of course the old guilt kicked in. But tbh, she speaks to me on a daily basis in a way that I have never spoken to anyone else.

Is it just us, have I bred some sort of wicked child, or do some of you really not like your teenagers either?

Thanks

re-reading your posts noddy and I can sympathise. My DS has always been a handful so it was no shock change of behaviour.

You do suggest reasons why - GCSEs being hard and obviously there is pressure from school. Perhaps you could try lightening the mood and laughing at DC when they throw a hissy fit - eg for no internet at 1130 at night! Or suggesting DP is violent! If you say very llittle and laugh, they will stomp off but it gives them something to think about.

They say laughter is a good medicine???

noddy your situation sounds bad! have you read that teenage book? it really is good, puts things into perspective

is he vile with everyone or just you and dp?

Maybe I'll try that instead of rising to it.My ds is v ott and theatrical which is so annoying esp now.We have always had an open house policy re friends and sleepovers etc in a way he has had a charmed childhood so I was expecting him to stay that way.He just speaks to us in a dreadful way and it is unpleasant to be at home with him.He has also stopped doing anything around the house and while he has never done much i have been encouraging him to do more so this is a huge backwars step If I even suggest he cleans his room he goes nuts.

He is lovely to everyone else

Definitely laugh at the theatricals

Dp is working late tonight but has insisted we all sit down and talk although this hasn't worked so far but i suppose we have to try.Ds basically wants to do as he pleases full stop and anything we say no to he won't accept. to top it all he has an eye problem which needs drops and cream and he has done it once and left it which is v dangerous to do.

I like ds1(14) sometimes.

But only sometimes. Mostly he's sulky, mouthy, dramatic and plain hard work. He's vile to DH occasionally, which is extra hard because DH does everything a father should do but is 'only' his stepfather.

I have to remind myself on a daily basis of 'things he's grown out of' to remember that 'this too will pass'. I can see progress though, and he's basically a good kid at heart, so there's hope.......

I think.

Well mine is only 13 as yet. But yes, I think he's one of then nicest people I know - he gets stroppy and unreasonable at times, but I remember being a teenager and it wasn't much fun from the inside either.

Nope I dont like mine either and shes only 14.
Shes rude, moody, ignorant, lazy .... I could go on and on.
For about one week a month she acts nice and the rest of it is hell.
Shes very ungrateful too

13 is ok and 14 not bad but 15 and 16 is !Ungrateful buggers

Agree you have to focus on all the good things they do and how great they are generally - a good guide is how lovely other people say your kids are - don't other peoples teenagers always seem so pleasant!! They will always have the capacity to shock you by being so utterly foul to you but as already mentioned they are over it in seconds - sometimes it takes me days!!

MY sd 17 doesn't live with us and so we have no sanctions over her behaviour at all - she can and does exactly what she likes as long as her mum approves. Some of her behaviour and her attitude towards certain things we find difficult to swallow but we can only express our point of view about it. Invariably we are then accused of bullying her, favouring her sb or ss who do live with us or even worse of ruining her life by her mother.

Our ds 15 rarely speaks so does not give offence often!!!

OP
Thank goodness I'm not the only one. Moods change in a flash - and there are times I really don't like dd - although I always love her.

Dd is actually rather nice. Not sure it is about my superior parenting though; might just be MILs genes.

my dd has been hateful the last 3 weeks, really rude, arrogant and just plain nasty. Thank fuck the period fairy arrived last night and now she is all smiles.
She is only 11 and in primary HELP ME!!!!!!!!

I can cope with my dd (17) being a bit mouthy or lazy, but what really makes me cringe with embarrassment is her immaturity and naievety. Watching tv a couple of days ago about some charity she piously announced to me her intention to support them - totally ignoring her complete inability to manage her finances for lunches/fares/social life/clothing/phone etc! Her childish perspectives rub in what a crap mother I have been to her.

I'm not sure whether or not I'm 'lucky' to have 2 teens I get on well with (mostly!)

They're very different characters - ds1 placid, not aggressive, but can get indignant and unreasonable about really stupid things.

ds2 very different - had testosterone to spare from an early age! Aggressive/competitive.

So they need handling in slightly different ways but I still think that if you deal with disputes in the same way as you would with a friend ie reasoning and explaining your case and allowing them the opportunity to do the same rather than dictating then you won't go far wrong.

They can still be frustrating at times, though!

I don't think it is possible to 'negotiate' like that with my ds atm he is just too immature and would try and walk all over us.

I have three teenagers and I like all of them most of the time. DD1 is 18 after having a year away at university is good company and helpful but if you had spoken to me a year ago it would have been a very different story (she was hideous!). She still goes from zero to raging in one second though because we are all so annoying compared to uni friends

The younger two are sulkers and so we don't tend to get the rudeness and shouting that DD1 went in for. Sulks tend to be fairly short lived and I think DD2 has worked out she gets more stuff if she is nice!

LOL at you offending your DD in her sleep thesecondcoming.

Dd17 veers from being ridiculously giddy that sometimes drives me mad to the verge of tears which equally drives me mad depending on the time of the month.
My boys now no longer teenagers were always really sweet with none of the moods.
Judging by what a little madame my 7 year old dd is now I feel I may really suffer during her teens.

Both mine are being lovely at the moment. DS is 14 and just discovered a social life and is really fun to be around at the moment. He and DD 12 (13 in september so almost a teen) get on very well as well. Today they had the first little tiff in weeks.

DD can be moody and snappy when she is hormonal but that is only a few days a month, the rest of the time she is fine.

I do keep expecting this bubble to burst any moment, so I will enjoy them while I can.

good 'advice' piece by Sally whatserface in The Times mag today about a man who says he cant stand his teenage daughter