Do you actually like your teenagers?

[cherylannet]

My DD is 16, nearly 17, and an awful lot of the time I really dont like her. Is that a terrible thing to say? Do any of you ever feel like that?

Tonight for example, she wanted to bring her laptop into the living room and I said no, it lives in the dining room and that was the agreement when she was bought a new one (after she left her previous one on the floor and it got destroyed by a friend spilling water on it). Well that 'no' set her off on a pretty nasty verbal attack on me, her stepdad and our marriage - which is great by the way. She really has what my Mum might have called 'a vicious tongue' when things dont go her way, and she can be unbelievably nasty. Tonight she came to say goodnight and I couldnt even look at her I was so sick of being spoken to like that. Then of course the old guilt kicked in. But tbh, she speaks to me on a daily basis in a way that I have never spoken to anyone else.

Is it just us, have I bred some sort of wicked child, or do some of you really not like your teenagers either?

Thanks

fortyplus...please could you come round to my house and "negotiate" with my 14 yo

she seems to think that, adult to adult, she should be allowed to stay behind whilst the rest of the family go away for the weekend

she "reasons" that it makes me a selfish and neglectful parent that I won't agree to her demands

I "negotiate" that as a member of this family she has to come with us, full-stop

But it just ain't working

I must be a crap parent

me too then AF

AF am with you unfortunately

I feel your pain, NH and SBTAC

Am about to go to bed as we speak and wonder what tomorrow will be like

Same here nods and mine is still up

Tough times, NH ?

Me too and have been out with another lovely mnetter for cocktails and birthday celebs and this is tainting everything atm

Hang on in there - it will pass

That is what I hope!He really seems to hate us which considering how tolerant we are is heart breaking

I really like mine, and they really like each other.

I get a fuzzy, happy feeling when I overhear them chatting, singing and messing about when I'm out of the room.

And they are all so excited when the eldest comes home, most weeks, for Sunday lunch

I know,I sound smug, but I don't care

Have really gotta go to bed now (very early start) but I really, really sympathise with anyone stuggling with their teens at the moment

You should start a thread...there is some very good advice on here

Custardo gives good (realistic) strategies for dealing with 'em

Noddy perhaps they are going to be super duper independent adults and are just making the break early - that's what I console myself with anyway.

I know we've probably all read that book 'get out of my life' etc etc but it gave me some really good practical tips on how to deal with my dd when she is oppositional, stroppy and defiant and bloody rude.

Fortyplus -- I think you've been lucky, tbh. I had two easy-going toddlers and thought the absence of terrible twos in our house was down to our brilliant parenting. Hah. And then I had a third one who came hardwired with a completely different operating system, and realised that we'd just been lucky the first two times.

Easy-going toddler no. 1 is now a lovely 15yo, who is hardworking, easy to like and generally low-maintenance and pleasant. I am sure as dammit it will not be like this with the other two, so I am enjoying it while it lasts and storing my energy for the storms to come.

I like my ds who is 18. but he did go through a not very nice stage(more to do with outside influences) but now although he can be a pain he is good value
(dd is 15 but has cp so a bit different)
so imo it gets better

Our house is a war zone atm!I can't cope with much more but am trying to stay calm.My ds has been spoiled I think and now anything where we say no is a nightmare.He leaves the place an absolute tip and last night I turned internet off at 11.30 and it was ww3! At my wits end he has always been a lovely boy nightmare won't get out of bed before 12 and talks to us like we are dirt all out of the blue

I am getting on really well with 14 year old dd at the moment. She really makes me laugh, and also she is really happy at the moment which helps.

8 months ago or so she was being bullied at school, she was also being a cow but felt bad about disciplining her becaue she was so unhappy. It was months of shit.

Thankfully she loves her new school and mates, and the knock on effect is a better relationship at home.

Sometimes she is a cheeky cow - bloody thing about teenagers is the obsession with self (everything revolves around MEEEEEE) and no empathy. So I come in knackered from work and she says 'can you take me so and so' and I tell to her wait because I am knackered and want a cup of tea. She looks at me as if I am so unreasonable. But, apart from flashes of snapping at each other, we get on brilliantly.

Teenagers are very funny though aren't they - dd really has a cracking sense of humour. Is better than the fist chewing boredom when she was younger and talking to me at length about high school bastard musical.

I do threaten to take away laptop and or phone if she plays up - this is enough of a threat of social annihilation to keep her in line. They have to have some threadt - as good as dd is if she had no deterent she would walk all over me.

That sounds great and ds was a dream child and teenager until the last couple of months!I think he had a shock at how difficult the gcses were and gave us nothing but cheek about revision etc,i think he thought it wouldn't require any effort and he has had his come uppance.I really don't know how we can get back on track tbh he is so rude to us there seems no point even talking to him.

Same as mine then noddy.I suppose I should have expected trouble at some point - my DD was a difficult child from day one whereas DS has been a dream.
Its so awful at the mo here - he has his sister in tears every day over something ( hormones from her as well I expect).
We were always so close but now that connection has gone - everything feels spoilt.
But I just cling on to the hope that (as with your DS) their personality cannot change that much and their good nature will return (maybe now these exams are ending).

I feel the connection is gone too he said today he is finished with me because I said his dad should have kicked his ass sooner and then he might have had more respect for us.He has turned this into me saying dp wants to beat him up .Dp is the sweetest least violent person going and adores ds so this is all so hurtful.Tbh I don't think I expected it.

Not at the moment. I can barely look at him right now he has behaved so badly recently

Agree with fortyplus and sss

Think the hardest bit is moving from being the superior parent to treating them as mini-adults. Getting this changing relationship right is hard, especially when irrational hormones are raging around.

Teens are difficult no doubt about it. But mostly I like mine

How do you do that though if they still act like a child but want adult privileges?