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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

what future for 17 year old DS ?

19 replies

violetqueen · 31/05/2010 10:04

DC currently resitting AS modules and taking one A level.
Will be staying on next year to sit 2 A levels . ( sciences )
He's a nice lad ,bit young for his age ,limited social life so no staying out late ,drinking etc.
But clueless about his future .
He's thinking HE ,but although able he just won't put the work in ... I found out last week how little he'd been doing .( he's able to maintain quite a facade,hours in bedroom ,no computer or phone ,books open in front of him ....checking reveals a few pages of notes after weeks of " revision " )
Am gutted by this ,but have to accept it's up to him .
Clearly he's not got motivation for academic study - how can I help him work out career choices ?
Any tips ? Any one else in same boat ?
Feeling really hopeless .

OP posts:

JGBMum · 31/05/2010 11:02

Hi Violet queen, sorry you are having such a rough day. Perhaps DSs revision might be furher on than it looks iyswim?

If not, is it worth perhaps considering whther he might be happier studying at a course where there is continual assessment rather than end of year exams?

DSs best friend found it really hard to study for exams, and has chosen to take a BTEC in Games Development (IT) and hopes to go onto University to develop this further.(1 year in he is doing really well with top marks in his assesments)

A friend's DD has been accepted to study teacher training after completing a BTEC in Childcare & Education, so not taking the traditional A level route has not affected her.

There are so many other options available now, and tbh I was amazed at the range of courses available just at our local college.

HTH

JGBMum · 31/05/2010 11:49

Bumping for you - otherwise I think I've killed the thread

Greenshadow · 31/05/2010 11:53

Maybe he doesn't feel he needs to make lots of notes when revising. Maybe re-reading his work is enough for it to sink in.
Everyone learns in different ways so don't write off his revision and exam chances just yet.

sarah293 · 31/05/2010 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fluffles · 31/05/2010 11:59

he must have passed enough gcses to be able to do AS and A levels?

if he can get through these a-levels with enough ucas points to get into higher education then don't write off his attitude just yet.

actually it makes me sad that you don't yet think that he's got the motivation for academic study, he's only 17!.teenagers mature throughout the time they are studying... often they'll fail a year at school or a year of uni (or come close to failing) but still pull through, even go on to do a phd!

DSM · 31/05/2010 12:10

If he really isn't the academic type, then he can make a career without further study. University isn't the be all and end all.

I finished school a year early, didn't go on to further education and have a very successful career.

Dp has two degrees, one a masters, and is currently working 50 hours a week on minimum wage to earn enough as there are no jobs out there for him.

He's been applying for jobs for over a year and getting nowhere.

I've just been offered a new job and a promotion, and my biggest worry is deciding which is better.

Non-academic people can do well. Don't be worried.

brummiemummie · 31/05/2010 12:42

University is not the be all and end all by any means, although there are courses which are not so "academic" and more practical if that is what your DS prefers. If he is young for his age then uni may be just what he needs to come out of his shell and find people who share his hobbies to make friends with.

Ultimately it needs to be his decision. Can't help feeling that my nephew would have been better off not going to college but his parents insisted. He was doing a BTEC and never handed his final coursework in so has no qualifications to show for it. He simply didn't put the work in and so there is now a two-year gap on his CV, which employers invariably ask him about . Your DS needs to have the motivation to finish whatever course/training he ends up in.

I think he needs to decide first what he sees himself doing in the future and then work backwards to find out what qualifications he needs. This website allows you to do an advanced search for careers by qualifications and subjects interested in which might narrow down his choices somewhat and will tell him what qualifications he needs for each career.

Original poster

violetqueen · 31/05/2010 15:25

Thank you everyone - I can't tell you how much it means to read your replies .
He did get GCSEs , but to my mind he always does the least he can get away with . And you need some kind of work ethic to make your way in life .
I guess he might manage D grades at A level .
I'd love him to go to University as I think he needs to mature and socialise ,but even if he did get in somewhere I can't see how he'd do any work.
I'd love to believe that he could change - maybe away from my nagging ,doing a course that enthused him.
Maybe 17 is still young ,I just feel that I'm endlessly waiting for that magic moment when he'll see the light ,and that perhaps I should stop deluding myself .
Will look at website brummiemummie ,thanks .
And thanks JGB for mentioning Btechs.

OP posts:

webwiz · 31/05/2010 16:07

DD2 is taking AS levels at the moment and the problem I have is my own experience of A levels isn't relevant any more (locked away in my room furiously revising so that I got my place at university!) The whole modular bit by bit system has taken some of the intensity out of it all and I tend to overestimate how much DD2 should be doing especially as she does two maths A levels and she has understood most of the work throughout the year. It does sound as if your son should be doing a bit more work but I do need to adjust my expectations for DD2 every so often.

DD1 was a "coaster" though and always seemed to have an immature attitude to exams. She wanted to drop out of sixth form in year 13 but she was so close to finishing that we persuaded her to complete her courses. She is now at the end of her first year at university and is transformed - she loves her course and she works hard and plays hard. When she came home at Easter she was revising for the full four weeks which seemed so strange compared to the previous year. So don't give up on the magic moment yet

Original poster

violetqueen · 31/05/2010 17:19

Thanks webwiz .
I too revised like fury and my spidergrams and revision cards were an art form.
I guess Physics is different - we'll see .

OP posts:

MySweetPrince · 01/06/2010 12:18

My DD is 17 and "revising" for AS levels - doesn't seem to be doing much (certainly not the amount of cramming I did back in the day) but a lot of the grade is now marked on coursework and not so much on the actual exam itself so I tend to let her get on with what she thinks is the level of revision she needs to do.

frazzled74 · 01/06/2010 12:28

my ds is also 17 and is not putting much effort into anything at the moment, he does want to go to university though so i am hoping that he will mature and get his act together in the next year or so. The worse that will happen is that he will fail and have to retake, not a bad learning curve.

2old4thislark · 01/06/2010 12:33

He sounds pretty typical. My DS did the least amount he could get away with. He did get reasonable GCSE's though and has just finished a 2 year IT diploma. It was coursework only, no exams at all and he has achieved a merit grade so I'm pleased.

He also works part time in an upmarket supermarket and is going to be working there full time. He wants to join the police but in the meantime will have to try out some other jobs.

My DD only lasted 4 months at college, despite being bright. She's now an assistant office manager and should do really well.

I'm actually quite relieved that both my DC's are working, rather than taking the UNI route.

mumeeee · 02/06/2010 00:22

He sounds a typical 17 year old. DD1 revised by writing lots of notes but DD2 only made a few notes she said reading was over past stuff was ebough, They both finished college with 2 A's and a C in thier A levels. So don't worry he'll get there.

Original poster

violetqueen · 02/06/2010 07:54

Thanks mumeeee.
All will be clear when the results come out .

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3LegsandNoTail · 02/06/2010 08:17

He sounds just like me!! I made no notes when revising and still managed to pass GCSE's and A levels and my degree with flying colours. I did then, and still do now, get by (and have a very successful career) on as little work as possible, although I'm not sure my boss would like to hear that!

when I was 17 I never went out and socialised much and yet had a fantastic time at uni.

I think there's hope for him yet!

Original poster

violetqueen · 02/06/2010 09:59

3legs - that's kind of you to post !
Everyone's different aren't they ? - I just am such a glass half full person , not the best model for DC and feel bit of a rubbish mum generally .
But guess we all do the best we can.

OP posts:

JGBMum · 02/06/2010 10:09

Not sure if this is helpful , but for what it's worth, I remember sitting at parents evening last summer and each teacher was saying basically the same thing - bright but doesnt push himself - DH was sitting next to me and he suddenly turned round and said, hey thats just what I was like at school . It was a real eureka moment for me because as I'm not like that at all, I couldnt understand why DS didnt try harder, and thought it must be my fault! But its not, its in his genes!!!
And DH did turn out ok in the end

Original poster

violetqueen · 02/06/2010 11:31

Oh yes ,lots of similarities to his dad .
Sunk in gloom again today - I emailed DC's " mentor " at school and have had a reply that tells me that during previous weeks at school when supposed to be revising ,she's found DC playing games on school computers .
So now I'm not only cross with DC but school - couldn't they have told me at the time he was doing this ?
His exams are next week .

OP posts:

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