pornography

[RomillyJane]

Our ds1, aged 11 is physically very mature - he started puberty at 9 1/2. Emotionally hes 11, or a bit younger (he has aspergers)

he has been looking at porn on the computer - the main computer is in the family room - but he has a laptop (needed for his school work) which I had set NOT to connect to the internet after I discovered him accessing porn previously. He has worked out how to access the wireless internet, and again I have found pornographic websites in his history.

I talked to him last time, at length about porn, about the industry about how its airbrushed and 'real' girls/women are not like this. He's 11 and I just don't want him accessing this kind of stuff.

but I recognise I cant stop him for ever - how have other people handled this?

For an 11yr old, I would be setting up blocks on all home computers to adult websites. It's fairly straightforward to do, and if youre not sure then ask a computer literate friend to help. Does he have internet access on his mobile - if so check you can lock that too. Sadly, what happens external to your home is something you cant control, and talking to him about the realities of porn is good....how much he'll grasp, plus with aspergers to muddy the waters, is hard to say.

Here's a good place to start with protecting the computer: k9 web protection

I have a post similar in geeky stuff and have had some great advice from networkguy.

It's depressing though, that this is what we have to deal with now as parents.

Simply change the password on your wireless network or router and then unless he is an advanced hacker, all surfing will cease.

Oh...but beware possible psychopathic reaction (tears, anger, accusations of infantilising him etc.), especially if you block his access without discussing it with him first. If you do decide to discuss blocking access then remember you will have to come clean about the porn (implication being you have been spying on him which in my experience they also resent).

kaspersky is good, and has a good 5-machine price.

the Parental Control is a bit fierce for the first few weeks, but easy to configure (when it blocks a harmless site he fetches you, you enter secret password, and it's unblocked forever)

its actually a relief to read this post, i had been thinking my 12 yr old ds was unnaturally early in accessing porn oin the internet.
i actually caught him watching it last week, his bedroom is downstairs in the extension next to the bathroom, he nver shuts his bedroom door, this particualr night i was watching tv and went to the loo, to find ds' door shut, intending to make him jump i burst through the door shouting boo, to find him slamming his laptop shut. i opened it to find pornhub on it.
i have used the msn filters and blocked anything of an adult content appearring but as previously said it cna be a bit fierce and wouldn;t let me access parenting forums because it had content of a sexual nature! i have also banned the laptop from the bedroom, until he regains trust he is only allowed to access the internet where i can see what he is up to.

recommend k9 as well as a filtering solution but imo filtering is not the solution for kids of secondary school age. They can get round filters easily (anyone can if they know how and a simple google search will give all the answers) and they also need to learn how to be safe online, how to judge a good site from a bad site etc.

Pornography is legal and its natural for him to want to explore - as you say, he is very mature for his age. What you don't want is him sneaking around and going off to the really bad porn sites which have terrible content on them. I think you have to accept that he will access porn whatever you do and so its better to have a conversation about it than simply trying to ban it.

Excellent, good for him. Masturbation is completely healthy.

Filter as much as you want, but understand that it takes a matter of minutes to get around virtually any and every filter you can put in if he wants to. All you achieve by putting filters on is teaching him a bit about computers, which I suppose is a good thing really.