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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

School Prom - outrageous expectations?

99 replies

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 28/04/2010 09:46

This is new territory for me. DD is 16, leaves school this year after GCSEs to go to college. The prom, in June, seems to be a leaving party & I vaguely remember that last year some girl turned up in a helicopter.

So, all talk in our house atm is of dresses, shoes, bags; tiara or bow? Hair up or down? etc.

And now she wants
this to take her there. Damn that Katie Price!

I have suggested a) friend with motorbike and b)friend with open-topped sports car, or c) my car. a) being greeted with distain & b) dismissed as 'tacky'. c) - 'I'd rather walk!'

She's going with bf, DS (her twin) is going in a limo with his date & others (booked by some other poor sap parent.

So what do ^normal^ people do? This feels like having a kid's party with a present list at John Lewis - a tad OTT.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 28/04/2010 10:16

I could afford it. If my DD aged 16 asked for that I would seriously wonder about where I had gone wrong. It is vile.

HarlotOTara · 28/04/2010 10:16

Proms are a nightmare - when my dd had hers some of her friends had dresses which were around £200 which was madness. Luckily we found dd's dress in Top Shop for £60 and she did look lovely but very different to the others. There was also a hair appointment, shoes but no beauty treatments or fake tan etc.
My dd shared a limo with 9 friends - it was one of those extended things and was only about £15 per person - they were brought back too. I arranged for the limo to do a pickup at our house and invited all the parents for a party so it worked out quite well. The kids all stayed the night in a big tent in our garden so it was all fun and a good evening.

I am quite anti proms and particularly junior school ones but looked on it as a celebration of finishing school and marking the transition to being a young adult.

Original poster
SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 28/04/2010 13:48

I think that deep down, both she and I know that pink carriages were never going to happen. Not even for a wedding. She is just tugging at my heartstrings so that eventually there will be some kind of (limo) compromise.

They (DTWs) have learned that if you ask for something outrageous ("I'm 16 now. Can I go with Emma to Ibiza?") at the beginning, you will eventually end up with something that you wouldn't have got if you'd asked outright ("OK, yes, you can go camping in Cornwall with bunch of mates").

As I said, she is tense. The very fact that she said 'I'd rather walk' shows that she isn't thinking straight, 'cos it would've been easy for me to say 'OK, if you walk ther I'll pick you up, darling' She would rather boil her head than walk a mile in dress/heels.

OP posts:
Original poster
SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 28/04/2010 13:50

They want the prom to be perfect. Leaving school, exams = scary. She's been saying that 'After the prom...' she'll cut her hair short for about two years, so it's obviously some kind of milestone in Life.

I had a school-leaving Disco, too. None of this 'date' lark, either.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 28/04/2010 13:55

So you've not had a trust fund going since she was at preschool to pay for the prom then?

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 13:55

I would say no. And repeat.

If she protests say she can go get a job and pay for it then. I wouldn't waste my money on something so crap as that. Imagine that outside your house.

I imagine when it's Dd's prom in 2 years they will have a limo between a load of them. That's fair enough, they are not that expensive shared between 8 or 10. Failing that she I will take her. She is NOT having a horse and carriage, helicopter, armed escort, pink cadillac. They are 16 fgs.

I blame that Super Sweet 16 programme. Has anyone ever watched that?

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 13:58

WHAT is all this 16 year old rite of passage crap. It's a nothing age.

DD will NOT

Have a massive 16th birthday party
Go on a holiday to Newquay after GCSE
Go on a spa break after GCSE
Be given £100 per A* GCSE
Have an extravagant prom with bespoke dress
(all of the above I have heard of)

scurryfunge · 28/04/2010 13:58

MY DS's school go nuts over the proms...all the teens (and parents) try to out do each other with transport. My DS and his mates next year plan to arrive in supermarket shopping trollies! Good for them, I say

DaisymooSteiner · 28/04/2010 14:07

I never thought I'd say this.....but all this talk of prom crap is making me want to home-educate.

How on earth have our kids got so spoilt that they think it's their right to demand expensive dresses and luxury transport to a glorified school disco?

If my dd wanted something like this then she would bloody well be paying for it herself and I would be PMSL at her wasting her money on something that she would be cringing about within a few years.

MadamDeathstare · 28/04/2010 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SethStarkaddersMum · 28/04/2010 14:17

Your ds sounds well cool Scurryfunge!

scurryfunge · 28/04/2010 14:22

He is always one to buck the trend and I think he recognises what a sham it all is, sethstarkaddersmum

webwiz · 28/04/2010 14:39

DD1 was the ultimate Promzilla and drove me insane with outlandish preparations from January of Year 11. One the mums paid for a party for all the girls in her group to have their colours done so they knew what colour prom dress to choose. In the end I made her dress and did her hair (and she looked beautiful) and she shared a limo with 15 friends so it wasn't very expensive at all. I felt sorry for the mum who had organised the limo because the final 15 bore no relation to the original group because they all kept falling out with each other!

DD2 had her's last year and was more interested in her exams and so didn't get involved in elaborate plans. I did the dress again and she walked from a friends house who lived near school. In the end they both enjoyed it hugely and it was a lovely occasion (me and another mum watched them all arrive from across the road and it did change my misery opinion of it all when I saw how thrilled they all looked to be dressed up ).

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 14:42

They don't all do it.

DS1 went to his girlfriends prom. She saved for her dress, they all met up in a friends house near to the venue and walked there together.
Anyone who had a tacky flashy mode of transport would have been mocked.

BeenBeta · 28/04/2010 14:53

Good Grief! Wat has the world come to?

She has made her choice c) - 'I'd rather walk!'

Let her, that'll learn her.

I'm with all those who say its a school leaving disco. Hopefully my DSs will not be like this.

My leaving disco as I recall involved a 52 seater coach, a regretable pair of yellow trousers and a very nice Canadian girl in a dress lent to her by her Mum. Not a limo or ball gown in sight.

It was a private school as well.

southeastastra · 28/04/2010 14:56

my ds(16) has his this year, they're all clubbing together for a limo and paying for it themselves. btw where does one hire a tuxedo? moss bros?

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 14:59

Yellow trouser. Smooth

I had a blue dress from Dorothy Perkins, shoes from New Look, which I carried in my hand and wore daps as I walked to the venue. Which was the school hall. And was a great bog walk up a hill (if anyone has been to Ilfracombe will know that the school is at the top of the steepest hill/cliff, and I lived at the bottom by the quay. I turned up all red and sweaty. Class).

DD's prom will be in the ballroom at Cheltenham Racecourse fgs.

menopausemad · 28/04/2010 15:01

Huh - walking not an option. Our (state) school uses a country hotel about 15 mile away. Guess that rules out the shopping trolley idea too...

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 15:01

SEA iirc you can hire a dinner jacket from Burton, which was cheaper than Moss Bros (4 years ago, anyway) look and laugh

champagnesupernova · 28/04/2010 15:11

OMG My Super Sweet 16
Watched that when I was BF holy christ those kids are SPOILT!

SlartyBartFast · 28/04/2010 15:14

ooh ds will have this in a year's time.

i wonder if i can persuade him to wear a kilt

Missus84 · 28/04/2010 15:19

When did all this "prom" stuff start?

I'm not that old, I left school in 2002 and we had a Leavers' Ball at a local hotel - everyone went to the school and was bussed to the venue. I seem to remember there was a buffet, some speeches and a disco (my dress was from H&M!)

SirBoobAlot · 28/04/2010 15:21

My dress cost me £25 from TK MAXX and it was stunning. I'm so glad I bought it, I really did feel so beautiful (and that is a big statement from me!). Some of the girls spent upwards of £300... Ridiculous.

Also this "money for grades" thing has always really pissed me off.

Alouiseg · 28/04/2010 15:24

Vom @ the pink carriage!

Suggest a budget for the whole event and let her decide the breakdown on where it's spent.....

BeenBeta · 28/04/2010 15:34

Aren't Proms an American idea as is all this 'coming of age' stuff?