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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

have I been unreasonable....

22 replies

rottygirl · 14/01/2010 14:37

Hiya my first post here )
i have 2 daughters on nearly 14 and one of 11, just before chistmas my eldest was invited to a bithday party to a girls house who was going to be 13, on the back of the invite was a not asking if my daughter could have some wkd , i didnt tell my husband until the day before the party as i knew he wouldnt be happy about our young teen drinking wkd
anyway we told our daughter that we didnt want her drinking any and to this we got a torrent of crying and saying that she would be left out as they would all be having a little drink, now i dont back down just for a few tears and told her in no uncertain terms that if we found out that she had been drinking after we told her no, she would expect no presents on chritmas day(harsh i know)
bless her she was good and didnt drink but when i spoke to a friend of mine she seemed to think that all kids drink at some stage and it would have done her any harm...i disagree , i know teenagers drink but i want to introduce her to drinking responcably
was i unreasonabale i dont think i was but was suprised by the responce of my friend

OP posts:

HelenRosie · 14/01/2010 14:39

I think it's very subjective. Personally I'd probably let a 14yo drink while I'm there to supervise but not at a party when I'm not around.

LilRedWG · 14/01/2010 14:40

You are not at all unreasonable and should be proud of your daughter for not caving under peer-pressure.

DwayneDibbley · 14/01/2010 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GypsyMoth · 14/01/2010 14:47

who was the note from? the parent presumably....so maybe an adult would have been present.

i have 2 dd's...13 and 15....they had some wkd with me over xmas.

i think its more about their status than the actual alcohol here....but yanbu to stick to your guns and well done to dd.

BigTillyMint · 14/01/2010 14:47

Do parents of 14 year olds actually encourage them to drink alcopops

Original poster

rottygirl · 14/01/2010 14:51

you see thats what I thought,I would never think about asking other parents if it was ok to give their teens wkd (or any other drink), i know she will have a drink at some stage but I would like to introduce her to it rather than her skulking down the park and then thowing up when she gets home , I also know that it will happen one day but luckily for me she doesnt bow down to pressure and is a rather good girlie (if i do say so myself..lol)anyway thanks for replying and making me feel welcome

OP posts:

Pineapplechunks · 14/01/2010 14:51

WKD at a 13-year-old's party?! What on earth were her parents thinking?

You weren't unreasonable at all, her parents were though.

DuelingFanjo · 14/01/2010 14:54

I think You were being a little unreasonable.
The punishment proposed seems a little strict.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 14/01/2010 14:55

I don't see a problem with sensibly introducing a 13 year old to alcohol in your home.

However, WKD could never be involved in the sensible introduction of alcohol. If she wants to try it, she should at least be trying something that tastes of alcohol.

YANBU.

JaneiteIsAWimpyTeacher · 14/01/2010 15:04

Well your threat was unquestionably unreasonable but I am v v shocked indeed at the idea of parents supplying alcohol for a 13 year old's party. We let dd1 14, have a tiny drink (eg bit of wine with lemonade) on Christmas day etc but I wouldn't contemplate the idea of alcohol at her party until at least 16 and then only in consultation with the other parents.

AMumInScotland · 14/01/2010 15:22

YANBU to say she couldn't drink. It was U to threaten no Christmas presents if she disobeyed you, as I don't think the two should have been connected. Better to say you would not be letting her go to parties if you couldn't trust her, if you wanted a threat that was connected to the "crime".

The party parents were BU by wanting to give 13 and 14 yo wkd to drink, or any alcohol - if they choose to let their own child drink it, that's their lookout, but they shouldn't be serving it to the others at a party.

Oh, and do make sure you tell your dd you're proud of her sticking to her promise. That helps when peer pressure pops up next time - the good feeling of knowing your mum is proud of your choices helps keep them strong.

HowManyTimesDoIHaveTo · 14/01/2010 15:31

The parents shouldn't even have offered! That is quite wrong IMO. And certainly not strong fruit flavoured drinks that taste like pop. Stupid!

YANBU.

HowManyTimesDoIHaveTo · 14/01/2010 15:33

Sorry got a bit carried away with the drink theme The threat was a bit strong and also hard to carry through IMO - did that include things others had given her?

inthesticks · 14/01/2010 15:53

I think the parents were wrong to suggest this. My 14 year old went to a birthday sleepover and the mum asked me discreetly out of earshot whether I would agree to them having a bottle shandy. I said yes as I thought that was sufficiently daring at 14.

He asked me to serve shandy at his bd though and I said no. I didn't want to set a precedent and didn't want to have to ask all the parents. Actually I gave them Schloer in wine glasses and they were happy.
He is allowed a small drop of wine at home on special occasions but I don't think he really likes it.

Agree about alcohol should not taste like pop. Beer is an aquired taste and self limiting by volume, I'd rather they went down that route. I did make the mistake of letting both DS's taste WKD at Christmas and unfortunately they loved it.

borderslass · 14/01/2010 16:39

with my eldest she was allowed to have a drink under MY supervision however my youngest who was 14 in October doesn't even want to drink long may it continue but I don't think yabu but I think the parents of the 13 year old are for asking.

ilovepiccolina · 14/01/2010 16:59

YANBU.

I was happy about mine at 14/15 having a small drink BUT with me. I think the parents were irresponsible - they can give their own dch alcohol but not dish it out to a gang of 13yo at a party.

You can make up fancy/imaginative non-alcoholic party cocktails for that agegroup. Add a cocktail umbrella & fruit & they love it!

BigTillyMint · 14/01/2010 17:30

inthesticks, that's the problem, they are bound to love it because it is sickly sweet and doesn't taste of alcohol.

rainbowinthesky · 14/01/2010 17:35

Yanbu although had I wouldnt have let my ds (14) go to a party where I knew the others would be drinking and the parents condoned it.

mumto3boys · 15/01/2010 12:07

YANBU. My DS turned 13 last week and they were happy with doritos and coke (the cola sort not the powder ). He is allowed a very weak shandy at xmas and has tried wine which he doesn't like.

IMO it's far to young for children to be drinking with their mates and especially WKD! Can you imagine/ They will all be boasting, and pretending to be drunk etc. Not a sensible introduction at all IMO.

At 15 / 16 I can understand but at a 13th birthday

mumeeee · 15/01/2010 12:49

rottygirl. you and your DH were right. I don't think she should have been allowed to drink at a party

paisleyleaf · 15/01/2010 12:53

Some alcoholic drinks I might consider - but WKD?!
The birthday girl's parents were unreasonable to put everyone in such an awkward position.

Ivykaty44 · 15/01/2010 13:03

I am a bit confused about the not making alcohol taste like pop and then putting lemonade with beer as beer is an aquired taste - putting lemonade in alchol is making it like pop, it is one and the same thing.

I would say beer and wine are far better than spirits, so shandy or lemonade in wine to me would be far prefrable to a young body that is still growing and changing.

As for other peoples parents giving wkd or shandy or watered down wine at a party, why do they have to do it? It puts other peoples teens in difficult positions if there parents have said no and other parents have said yes.

Do it at home with your own dc but leave others to decide at home please

I havn't got a problem with my dd having a couple of drinks and I know her dad let her at 14.

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