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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Facebook

14 replies

mumblechum · 25/10/2009 16:07

I'm beginning to wish ds had never registered for FB.

He doesn't go on it very often and when he does it seems to be mainly girls wittering fairly inanely, but yesterday he logged on and was upset because one of his friends (not at all close) had 6 of his friends (3 of them his close mates) round for a birthday sleepover, and of course he wasn't invited.

In the days before f/b, he wouldn't have known anything about it and there would be no harm done.

He rather stupidly imo posted "thanks for the invite" or words to that effect,which kind of unnecessarily makes the point that he wasn't invited and is upset.

Looking through today's offerings, it seems that everyone feels the need to tell the world what they're doing and with whom.

As it happens, ds had a mate over last night for a sleepover anyway and they've gone out for a bike ride now, so he's hardly billy nomates, but it just seems odd to me that everyone else insists o telling everyone what they're up to. WHY??

The other thing is that some of the boys (it's about 80% girls from what I can see) are pretty nasty. There's one lad who isn't on FB and they all slag him off horribly. God help him if he ever joins, he'd feel terrible.

I'm not looking for advice btw just having a little rant to myself. It seems to be that this sort of technology just isn't hugely helpful and in a way is actually quite isolating.

OP posts:

purepurple · 25/10/2009 16:09

It's hard isn't it?
that's why I have added DD(13) as a friend. i can keep an eye on her.
DS, on the other hand, removed me

ilovesprouts · 25/10/2009 16:11

people on fb can be so spiteful at times ,one of my pals wont go on fb as she says it causers trouble

ilovesprouts · 25/10/2009 16:13

oh yes ive got ds1 and dd1 as friends ,but they say to me mum if you do our heads in we will remove you !!

witcheseve · 25/10/2009 16:19

I know exactly what you mean. DD is on it and is one of my friends along with some of her friends. There are always photos up of some party they are at while DD is at home, mainly through choice. Even I feel like she is missing out although it doesn't bother her.

Then there are her friends who have boyfriends, she doesn't, declaring undying love every day.

I've witnessed bullying a few times too.

Not sure that these sites are progress really and am glad there was no such thing when I was a teen.

cheekysealion · 25/10/2009 16:30

you are right it is cruel

dd had arranged with some friedns to go trick and treating next sat... but now another friend has invited the 2 girls she was going with to a party and not invited dd... it is so hard i hate it all

diseyw · 25/10/2009 21:56

I was debating this today with my DD; she seems to spend hours on facebook rather than go out with the very people she is talking to
All her 'friends' constantly post pictures and comments of what they have been doing with little thought to how the left out friends might feel.
I dont have facebook myself mainly due to being bullied at school so have never felt the need to want to catch up with old 'friends' but my husband does have it and DD accepted him as a friend then removed him when she felt that I was looking at her wall page
I totally agree that facebook and other similar sites are very socially isolating.

witcheseve · 26/10/2009 00:01

It's a crock of shit imo. People who want to speak to you should do it on the phone then in person, not a few words typed on a screen.

When teens are interacting they should be doing it, not taking pics and posting them straight from mobiles then having to tell everyone else about it via status updates. Crazy and so anti social.

desertmum · 26/10/2009 06:13

I am in two minds about it - it's great for my kids who have moved countries twice in the last two years - they can keep with their old friends without running up high telephone bills, see what is going on at their old school etc. which is nice. Some of these friends will be friends for life.

But I hate the fact that it is so easy to hurt people on FB - my daughter had a comment this week that she is ugly - not nice at all. I tell my kids 'if you won't say it to someone's face, don't post it on fb'. Too easy an arean for bullying.

So good and bad, like so many things in life.

positiveattitudeonly · 26/10/2009 06:50

FB can cause trouble, but I think it is safer than many of the chat rooms that teenagers use. I keep an eye on what is said to and by my kids. They should know who they speak to as nobody can be added without being agreed.
BUT, can I ask your opinion on something? I'd really appreciate your thoughts.

DD4 (12) doesn't have FB, but I do and I saw her "friend" had written something nasty, so I spoke to the mum and said I felt it was wrong and could it be removed. Her mum agreed it was horrible and assured me she would sort it. 24 hours later it is still there for the world to see. I am wondering whether I should "comment" on it, or is that being as bad as she is, should I just ignore it and let everyone see what this "friend" thinks about my daughter who cannot defend herself?

witcheseve · 26/10/2009 09:47

Possitiveattitudeonly, I would say ignore it but not sure I could in reality. This is the reason that I have some of DD's friends on my list, to keep and eye on what's being posted. I don't think it's worth rising to it. You have taken action by speaking to the mum and it will be history as it moves off the page.

I can see the good in fb in some ways, DD has recently found a friend who left the area years ago and they are planning to meet up next time she is visiting.

Desertmum very for your DD.

positiveattitudeonly · 26/10/2009 16:50

Thanks, Witcheseve. Sorry I did not mean to hijack this thread.
I have taken your advise for now, but not sure how long I can contain the urge for, especially if others add any further comments. Young girls are horrible to each other!!!
Desertmum so sorry for your DD. At least mine is totally unaware at the moment of the horrible things on there about her.

Original poster

mumblechum · 26/10/2009 17:35

I just said to ds today that maybe FB is more socially isolating than anything else and he agreed, actually.

He reckons FB, money, power and religion are the causes of all evil .

As to whether he'll cancel his subscription or whatever you call it, not sure. He only looks at it about once a week to check his wall.

OP posts:

desertmum · 29/10/2009 08:37

Thanks everyone - she is doing fine, says she's coped with worse (which she has), she's a really confident girl but has now become very warey over making friends - they seem to turn on each other so quickly. It's always hard being the new girl I guess. She's fine. :-)

Danthe4th · 29/10/2009 11:18

Both dd's have fb age 14 and 13 and its been a godsend living in a village and the girls being able to keep in touch with friends. Also sadly got me into it and am now catching up with old friends and doing farmville with the girls as friends. It can cause trouble but I found msn far worse, that got really bitchy and I banned several people on the girls accounts. My daughter got dumped by her bf on msn that was all rather traumatic but they dealt with it. Its all part of modern living for these children, and so much easier to remain in contact with friends after school. I think all the pros far outweigh any cons.

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