where have I gone wrong?

[cazboldy]

Ok so I think I actually know that..... but the question is how do I deal with it now?

My ds1 is 12, nearly 13 and in yr 8.

He is moody, difficult, speaks aggressively to me, swears lots, and pretty much has no respect for me at all.

I think it stems from me being way too lenient with him in the past, and probably still.

the question is what do I do about it?

how can I make things change?

It is really getting me down, and impacting on us all.

I have tried talking to him about it, and he doe accept that what he is doing is unacceptable, but just carries on doing it anyway.

I love him so much, but am finding him very difficult to like

please is anyone in the same boat, or can give me some tips?

TIA

feel for you, caz.

My dd is 12 nearly 13, the youngest of three, and by far the most moody. I miss the happy affectionate kid that she was - occasionally I get a glimpse of the old her but not that often!

I'm hoping (I'm sure) it's just a phase.

Try to remember he is a pot of confused and hormonal emotions and hang on to your patience. Stay consistent and calm (gaaad - if you can - not easy!)

Hope someone else will be along with good advice.

I feel for you too. I know exactly how you feel. I have just been driving round in my car in tears because this morning DD13 told me she hates me and does not want to live with me anymore. I have failed and I don't know what to do anymore because I am totally on my own with no support. She ignores everything I say and won't be disciplined. She used to be such a funny affectionate clever little girl and she has turned into a monster with no interest in anything except hanging out over the park.

I do have support from dh, but he works extremely long hours, and most of the time it all kicks off when he is not here.

I feel really cross that he is shouting and swearing in front of my younger children - it is not the sort of behaviour that I want them to see, or grow up with

I don't think you have done anything wrong. It is an awful age, but it passes. DD(12) can go into daily meltdown at the drop of a lipgloss- she used to be the most contented person I knew. DS(16) is through it and out the other end.

I think peer pressure is an awful thing at this age. School holidays are much less fraught in this house.

thinking about it, he was much better in the holidays...

I just don't want the constant atmosphere, and the attitude.

Nothing is ever good enough. I really feel so down about it atm

It is a grim time. I seem to have nothing in between 'Interfering in everything I do' and 'That's because you are not interested' from dd.

I have remembered one thing that helped with ds. It was having a little (tiny) (cutting lawns for £2 a time, washing cars for similar pittance) job. Having a real job where you have to turn up, take your hands out your pockets and fake smile at employer's jokes has also been great for the maturing process, but that came later, at 15.

Very good luck!

I was thinking caz, is he stressed out at school? What's going on there? Is it all a bit much for him......his peers at this age can be particularly nasty - especially boys?

Also, he might need a bit of help but not want to ask.

Mostly I think it's just his age and he WILL come through it.

he has had he odd thing at school with other boys, but nothing major, and have regular notes from teacher so I know how things are. He has some good friends though.

Academically he is not struggling - he is in sets 1 or 2 for everything, and I do help him with homework.

He is sporty, and plays cricket for a local team. He also does clay pigeon shooting with my dad.

He does carwashing for money, and helps out tidying/cleaning around the farm ( we live on a farm) also preparing and showing cattle.

He was lovely last night. He has a cookery lesson at school today, and did a trial run. He was a joy to spend time with!

Also asked him to write a list of things he needs to change, and anything he would like to change about me or life in general, but this didn't throw up anything in particular.