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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Jeeez! When does this get easier?

41 replies

BrigitBigKnickers · 15/09/2009 17:49

Just want to moan really.

DD1 is 13 and boy do we know about it- Tantrums, tormenting her sister,screaming, demanding, hormones all over the place etc.

Everything is a big drama/ nothing is fair/ all her friends are allowed to...(what ever I have said no to) blah blah blah.

She missed 3 dance classes today (at a cost to me of £12 )because she had had an argument with a friend who was supposed to walk there with her (the friend got a lift instead as it was raining.) When the girl's mum phoned to ask why DD hadn't been there(she usually picks her up after) I had to put up with DD screaming at me not to get involved. God knows what the mum thought.

We had this behaviour all over the weekend and we ended up taking away her phone, internet i pod and not allowed to watch TV for 2 days. Pocket money was also taken away. We are consistent with punishments (and rewards) but it's just a long battle. I can see why some parents give up!

Sorry just rambling- just got no one to talk to about this- it's doing my head in. Just want to walk out the door and not come back.

Thankyou for listening.

OP posts:
said · 15/09/2009 17:51

There was someone on Jeremy Kyle today who said he'd chained his daughter to the radiator as a final straw. I empathised with him not the daughter

No help but your house and dd sound identical to mine.

fartmeistergeneral · 15/09/2009 17:55

I feel for you - I have a pre-teen, and it's all beginning. I don't know how I'll cope, and I do find sometimes it's whispers difficult to feel the love - do you know what I mean?

fartmeistergeneral · 15/09/2009 17:56

oops that whispers didn't work out!!

I feel bad seeing that 'in print'. Maybe I should have said 'difficult to see the LIKE'???? I hope you know what I mean.

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 15/09/2009 17:57

Good Lord- I don't think I would quite go that far!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 15/09/2009 17:57

I also have a preteen (DD2 is 11) Sob!

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 15/09/2009 19:16

I am dreading it, though I do vividly remember my mother telling me as a teenager that she loved me but she didn't particularly like me a lot. I still remember and I have to say, it didn't really make me want to change, it just made me feel more isolated.

mamhaf · 15/09/2009 20:25

Love the radiator-chaining tip!

Must add that to our repertoire of 1) removing mobile phone 2) cutting off internet access 3) taking lock of bedroom door 4) taking bedroom door off.

You have my sympathy and understanding. It does get better, try to keep your resolve and stay consistent with the boundaries - everything in their lives is changing at 13 - body, social boundaries, friends, schoolwork - and they need love and consistency at home.

optimisticmumma · 16/09/2009 18:33

Other mnetters suggested the book: Get Out of My Life : But First Can You Take Me and Alex into Town ( or something like that) . I have 3 teenagers 17,14,12 and have found behaviour to go in cycles - all horrible at once. Would really recommend this book again though.

Top tip : Walk away when you have made your point and don't take it personally!!

Also , my DD has improved since being 14 and so I think the pre-teens /early teens are worse in the tantram-sense! HTH

Dumbledoresgirl · 16/09/2009 19:57

I am going through this with my 13 year old son. He is so horrid - tantrums, hitting his siblings, stroppy, angry, non-cooperative, drawing away from family life more and more each week. I came here looking for support because he has just thrown a wobbly over his homework and is raging round the house calling his teachers stupid. Unfortunately dh thought he was calling him stupid and there has been an ahem altercation between them.

I just want to hide away, it is so stressful day in day out.

So all of you here have my full empathy.

MaureenMLove · 16/09/2009 20:04

Yippee! I wasn't going to look at this thread for fear of someone saying their 17 year old was still as shitty grotty as ever! But quite the opposite, the end is in sight for me! DD turns 14 next week! Happy days!

Dumbledoresgirl · 16/09/2009 20:35

DS1 has 9 more months to go.

By which time, ds2 will be 12.5 and right in the thick of it.

And then dd....

Please God, can ds3 be an angel fallen from heaven and stay as cute as he is now?

weebleswobble · 16/09/2009 20:42

Oh goody! The horrible teen club - I want to join and would anyone take my 16 year old ds1 before I lose all my hair and btw, you're welcome to his £750 phone bill....good luck!

Actually, probably shouldn't have mentioned the phone bill...scuppered my chances!!

optimisticmumma · 16/09/2009 21:03

How did he manage £750????
Thought mine was bad with £90 (a month - now on unlimited tarriff)

weebleswobble · 16/09/2009 21:13

£750 was over 3 months. Exh pays for his contract phone at £20pm which includes free mins and texts (not sure how much exactly), but there's this girl . Exh made him pay the first £100 bill, then came the £500 bill after which he had to pay it again and had the phone changed to incoming calls and incoming texts only, plus grounding, no laptop, then Tmobile put phone back to original contract. I told exh, he did nothing about it and he ran up another £150 bill. He's now on PAYG and skype. I wouldn't mind but he can call on the landline free to another landline for upto an hour.

CarGirl · 16/09/2009 21:24

dd1 is nearly 13 and it's not nice. Then when she gets to 18.5, the younger girls will be 13, 12 & 10 respectively - perhaps I should just leave home?

Hassled · 16/09/2009 21:30

When your DD is 18/19/20 she will be nice again. It certainly wasn't at 14 here - I think the 14/15 years were the worse. I wish I had some top advice, having been through it and come out the other side (my DD was the cause of my first, desperate, MN post), but all you can do is stumble along and wait for it to end.

CarGirl · 16/09/2009 21:41

What are your top tips Hassled?

Dumbledoresgirl · 16/09/2009 21:44

Is it over sooner or later with boys? I live near a sixth form college and I see all these lovely young men who can only be 16-18 and they all look totally reasonable human beings (tbh, some of the girls still look like hard work). I sometimes find it very hard to believe that ds is going to be like them in less than 3 years.

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 16/09/2009 21:47

weebleswobble £750!!!!!!

I thought the £100 phone bill we had was bad enough!

We have a tiscali broadbband and phone account which means free local calls to land lines. DD kept calling her friends' mobiles despite being told not to as it's not free. DH went ballistic.

She tried to make out it wasn't her "No no I've only called them a few times..."

...but the calls were all made to the same two mobile numbers which belonged to her best friends.

Actually she's been lovely today- she can be when she tries.

optimisticmumma I have heard others mention the book- might have a look at it.

OP posts:
GoneCuckoo · 16/09/2009 21:50

My DD is 13 and 1/2.
I am counting the days until she is 21!

CarGirl · 16/09/2009 21:51

there is also a

"how to talk so teens will listen....."

I've just ordered both!

weebleswobble · 16/09/2009 21:55

Brigit, if you find the book, could you link it please and ask about a bulk MN order?

On the plus side, ds2 (13) promises he won't behave like his brother. I'm thinking some sort of legal document might be in order to enforce this promise.

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 16/09/2009 21:56

Someone should write a book for Teens called-

"How to talk so your parents will listen..."

OP posts:
Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 16/09/2009 21:58

AHHH weebles my younger DD has promised that too. A legal document sounds good. Perhaps linked to a codicil in my will!

OP posts:
Hassled · 16/09/2009 21:59

CarGirl - I wish I had a top tip. The older DCs (now 22 and 20) never doubted they were loved, and I think as long as a teenager knows that then you're on the way to being OK eventually. But they were bloody rough years along the way - DD especially. No one has ever made me so angry or so upset as she managed to, regularly, at 14/15.