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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it normal to worry so much!

14 replies

Flosswoss · 04/08/2009 12:14

Hi - 1st post! My son is 15, an only child and the apple of my eye and I do nothing but worry about him. I'm a single mum but my sister lives with us and is a great help, especially with the 'good cop, bad cop' routine
He's just got a girlfriend and I worry about the usual stuff - what are they up to, he could do better, etc. I fret so much it affects my health and sometimes my relationship with my son. No matter how rational I try to be I always go back to panicking about it all.
I also worry about drugs and drinking - toddlerdom was so much easier! I understand this age can be very stressful for all concerned but is anyone else freaking out like I am? He's a nice lad and don't want him spoiling that.
Thanks. Floss

OP posts:

mumblechum · 04/08/2009 12:18

Hi there and welcome to Mumsnet!

You don't actually mention any problems in your post, eg that he's drinking or anything. Do you think he's actually doing anything at the moment orworried he may in; the future?

My ds will be 15 next month and I don't really worry about him at the moment as he doesn't like alcohol & I don't think he'd be stupid enough to smoke or take drugs, but of course that could change.

I don't think you should worry if your ds has the odd can of beer at a party. If he's got a girlfriend there's obviously the pregnancy worry but all you can do is buy a load of condoms and cross your fingers that he won't use them till he's at least 18!

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 12:20

I'm no expert as I only have a very small toddler but it sounds to me like you're worrying because you think you should be worrying. Except he sounds like a good lad. Do you have any reason for the worrying, has he given you cause to be concerned? All you can do is ensure that he has his wits about him in all areas and let him get on with it.

As for the girlfriend not being what you would like, he must see something in her and it's unlikely that he'll marry her so relax

Welcome btw

Original poster

Flosswoss · 04/08/2009 12:29

Gosh that was quick - thank you

I admit I'm a born worrier and worry about what COULD happen rather than what IS happening but seem to have gone into overdrive lately - TBH I'm more worried about the GF thing than smoking or drinking (he doesn't smoke but I know he's tried cider that someone else bought).

I guess I need to chill out a bit! From what I've read there are parents with real problems out there and my heart goes out to them.

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bakerslovecakes · 04/08/2009 16:40

I could have written your post as i am exactly the same with my 13 yo dd. I constantly worry about her even when shes at school so when shes out after school and weekends with friends i'm a nervous wreck. I too am a single parent and my dd is a only child. Shes had a few bf but im not too worried about that at the moment as its just a bit of hugging and hand-holding at the mo, i do worry about the drinking though as quite alot of her friends are starting to drink she hasnt though but you know what peer pressure is like.

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 16:48

am not really a fan of worrying about stuff that may or may not happen - my teens (nearly 17 and just turned 19) have given me a few things to stress about along the way and I tend to just enjoy the peaceful interludes when they occur

so I think you are worrying too much, even if he is drinking/sampling drugs this is probably a normal and to some extent healthy developmental phase

I think they have to make their own mistakes regarding relationships, but obviously with us on hand to support them and dispense advice when they ask for it

do you air your concerns with him? he might be able to reassure you

Original poster

Flosswoss · 04/08/2009 17:25

I'm always airing my concerns with him and telling him to be careful. He tends to roll his eyes and says it's not nice that I don't trust him (he has a point) - he also reassures me that he is sensible. He has a friend in the same year who hardly mixes with his peers at all and spends most of his time at home - I'd worry if he was like that as well so I just can't win I should be glad he has the confidence to get out there as I'm quiet and reserved.

Lots of good advice here I must say!

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 17:40

it's probably all part of the package of being a mum isn't it? mine have given me grey hairs through some of their exploits and mishaps, but fundamentally I do trust them and I think they sort of rise to that

BodenGroupie · 05/08/2009 12:54

My DDs are 13 and nearly 16 so I know what you mean. It's very easy to look at other kids and wonder what your DCs are up to!

Only advice I can give is the best time to set out the boundaries and standards you expect is before he starts pushing them. I've discovered this the hard way, not that they're a real problem, I just sometimes get "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to!" after the event, when I've thought it was obvious.

Also, keep talking/listening to him.

Good luck, you sound like a strong team.

mumeeee · 05/08/2009 23:17

My 3 DD's are 22,19 and 17. I have often worried about them but am now learning to relax. DD1 is 22, maried and living in London with her DH. I could spend my time worying about them being in London but I know they'll be fine. DD2 is 19 and goes out to night clubs. She often doesn't get in until 2.30am. I used to worry about this but now I just ask her to let me know if she is staying over at s friends. I do still have to check that she is in in the morning.
DD 3 17 went on a weeks camp with people from our church recently. She camped in the youth area and although there were adults around she fended for herself completly I was a bit worried about her but she was finse and had a great time.

potoftea · 05/08/2009 23:27

I worry about my teenage sons much more than my teenage dd because they don't talk to me as much and I fill in the blanks in their lives with my lively imagination instead, which isn't good.

But to me the most important thing is to get to know their friends; let them have who they like into the house to hang out, and give lifts if at all possible to them. I learn more from listening to them chat among themselves about events while I silently drive then I ever would with direct questioning.

Most of us did stuff our parents would've disproved of in our youth, and yet turned out to be upstanding citizens , so hopefully our kids will do likewise.

seeker · 05/08/2009 23:27

My mother is 89. My eldest brother is 66. Last week my mum said to me"I'm so worried about X [db]. His memory's not what it was - do you think it's early onset Altzheimer's?"

You never stop worrying - it's in the job description!

mumblechum · 06/08/2009 08:25

Agree with Pot of Tea, that's why I encourage ds to have mates round to ours and am happy to give lifts. After a while they forget you're there and you hear all sorts of gossip

BodenGroupie · 06/08/2009 08:57

Mumblechum - I've discovered that there's no better way to annoy DD1 than to talk to her friends . So I do.

Actually, talking to their parents seems to wind her up to.

Original poster

Flosswoss · 07/08/2009 08:48

OMG Potoftea - your comment about filling in the blanks had me laughing out loud (not good in a quiet office) because that's just what I do, conjuring up all sorts of weird and wonderful scenarios, not just with my son but life in general

And Seeker, I know my mum worries about me and my sister and we're 43 so it never stops! I had to smile at your comment about Alzheimers even though it's a serious subject.

I need to learn to worry when I need to!!

OP posts:

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