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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ideas for 13 year old dd to do something instead of sulking in room every night?

25 replies

mosschops30 · 15/07/2009 16:29

dd has given up guides, then she tried army cadets and now hates that too and refuses to go.
She comes in, goes upstairs, and either watches crap tv or plays on computer.

What does your 13yr old dd get up to in the evenings? Any suggestions?

OP posts:
mumblechum · 15/07/2009 17:33

I wouldn't worry so much about nights after school, after all she's been socialising and working all day, will have h/work etc so personally I don't have a problem with some vegging in the evenings.

What does she have planned in the holidays? If she's not the type to pick up the phone to arrange to see her mates, would she mind if you arranged it via their mums? 13's a bit old to have your social life arranged but sometimes it's a confidence thing and if you sort it out she'll probably enjoy it.

Tortington · 15/07/2009 17:41

id like to tellyou that my dd went out with her mates - but she sulked in her room - i remember having to chuck her out the house and tell her to find some friends.

so i know how worried you are - if there isa computer and tv - its addictive to simply vegitate - i think its best to chuck em out

brimfull · 15/07/2009 17:43

I would take the computer and telly out of her room.

dd is 17 and still has no computer in her room,she has got a telly now

mumblechum · 15/07/2009 17:55

To get back to your question about what others' dcs do in the evenings, my ds rows like a demon at the moment as he's in the Nat Champs this weekend.

Normally he goes out with his mate up the road for a bike ride (I suspect a bus shelter and some girls are involved but what the hell), and does spend a couple of hours on the PS3 or watching endless re runs of Friends or Scrubs.

It's bad timing for your dd now that school's about to finish, but maybe you could get her to join an afterschool club in something she enjoys from Sept?

frogs · 15/07/2009 18:01

My dd1 gets shedloads of homework, which keeps her pretty busy. She doesn't have telly or computer upstairs, so if she wants to do either of those she needs to be in the sitting room.

She is about to take up rowing which has a pretty demanding training schedule.

janeite · 15/07/2009 18:02

My twelve year old does this and she hasn't even got a computer or TV in her room. She will occasionally come down to do some baking or to play Cluedo.

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 18:22

let her veg out

it is better than swigging cheap cider and smoking on a srteet corner

at least you know where she is and what she is doing

liahgen · 15/07/2009 18:24

Toutfucker, have you seen my DD?

GrannyInAGimpsuit · 15/07/2009 18:26

I agree with Anyfucker. Mine usually stays in, we watch a bit of telly together. She sometimes meets a friend in the park before teatime to walk the dogs, or goes to the free-for-teens swim session once a week if her mates are going. Mainly she is vegging at home though, and it's doing her no harm.

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 18:27

yeah, she's hanging out with my dd

They are planning to play knock-a-door-run next and then, if they get really bored they will mug an old granny for her pension book

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 18:28

oops, unfortunate use of old granny reference

GrannyInAGimpsuit · 15/07/2009 18:29

< snigger >

BoF here

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 18:30

I had an inkling BOF, you are very fond of that gimpsuit

BitOfFun · 15/07/2009 19:11

It was too hot, I've taken it off

mumeeee · 15/07/2009 21:03

Mine didn't have a telly or computer in thier room at 13. In fact DD3 17 still hasn't got one. But it is fairly normal for teenagers to spend a lot of the time in thier rooms. DD2 17 goes to Drama club every week and has since she was 11. DD2 19 is at the moment reharsing for the musical Honk and has ben doing stuff like ths since she was 13.

hercules1 · 15/07/2009 21:18

Right, let me see now. Well, that will be he comes in, goes upstairs and goes on the computer.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 15/07/2009 21:45

My DS (14) has a PC but no telly in his room - we limit his broadband so he can't spend all evening MSNing.

Even so, I think they just reach an age where they relish the peace and quiet of their own room.

He also has guitar lessons so practises occasionally, or does a bit of 'composing' on this new-fangled keyboard thingie.

Things can change as more opportunities for activities which interest him arise; he's always loved rugby but has now started basketball in school and had his first judo lesson last week as a result of a 'sports week' they had in school.

I think I'd be worried, though, if he didn't meet up with friends at weekends and occasional evenings.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 16/07/2009 11:02

Thanks for all your replies, some of which made me lol
I did suggest to her last night that she meet up with friends, she never sees them like I used to with mine, where youd arrange it on the bus on the way home then meet up for an hour for a chat or whatever.
Everything seems to have to be so pre-arranged with parents etc and at 13 I dont feel thats necessary really, but maybe thats just me.

OP posts:
GardenersDelight · 16/07/2009 15:40

I would'nt worry too much my DD2 15 was like that.Never bothered to see friends out of school just watched crap telly and went on the computer.However over the last year this has all changed and now I'm nagging her to stay home and get her homework done

cory · 18/07/2009 16:28

my 12yo has health problems so she basically comes home and goes to bed after school

she does however read in bed and write on her laptop so at least she's getting something out of the rest of the day

I also spent a lot of time in my room as a teen; not because of ill health, but because I had no friends with the same interests as me: I wanted to read and talk: they wanted to get hammered

I don't feel now that these years were a waste of time- I read masses, learnt a couple of foreign languages and was all ready for a social life when I went to uni

I just didn't have the confidence to handle it when I was 13

cory · 18/07/2009 16:30

and I too would have hated scouts and army cadets: I had enough of people organising me at school

organised activities are simply not right for everyone

snorkle · 18/07/2009 21:29

dd(13) has got into water polo recently which keeps her out of her room for 2 nights a week. Is there any sport that might appeal?

Or might learning a musical instrument (maybe guitar/singing or something like) be an idea (I do know it's not easy to get a teenager motivated to do something like this, it would have to be something she really wanted to do)? She would then need to practise as well as have lessons.

Failing that, get a weekly paper round for her just to get her out of the house (& learn to appreciate the value of money) or a volunteering activity for a local charity would be excellent.

giddykipper · 18/07/2009 21:34

DSD (13) comes home from school and spends the rest of the night in front of her laptop. To be fair, if I had had a laptop at her age I would have done the same.

maryz · 18/07/2009 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frizbe · 18/07/2009 22:53

Agree with the musical instrument idea, or something like horse riding (no idea if you town or country) our local leisure centre has started a skate club which is fully booked out each week, is there anything like that close by?

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