Mixed gender sleepovers

Original poster

snapper5 · 02/07/2009 19:58

My 13 yr old girl wants to go to a sleepover at her friend's (boy) with 2 of her girlfriends and 2 other boys. I don't know the family and have only spoken to the mum once. Am aware they are all mates and get on very well but am concerned where it will all end eventually if we say yes! ANy comments welcome to a first timer on mumsnet.

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 02/07/2009 19:59

I don't have teenagers, so I can only speak of my experience when I was one. I wouldn't do it. Even if I did know the Mum. Especially if I didn't.

ErikaMaye · 02/07/2009 23:24

I went to mixed sleepovers at 13 and had a total blast. Most of my closer friends at the time were boys, so I would have be most annoyed if I hadn;t have been able to spend the night around them, considering I spent practically all day in their company. Doesn't seem much different to me.

BitOfFun · 02/07/2009 23:42

I'd say no. Purely because it will set a precedent, and you won't then be able to say no next year or the year after when they will be drinking and shagging given half a chance.

smartiejake · 03/07/2009 08:18

Absolutely NO WAY! My DD was invited to a party with a sleepover involving boys and girls in separate tents in the garden.

I said that unless the parent was prepared to sit outside in the garden with a pitchfork to make sure they stayed in their own tents hell would freeze over before I would let her go..

brimfull · 03/07/2009 08:25

I let dd go on mixed sleepovers but she was a bit older.

I think if you trust your dd then let her go.

I was quite shocked at first but she has so many friends who are boys ,unlike my teenage yrs when I didn't really have platonic relationships with boys.

I have got over the feeling that it is abnormal for boys and girls to have fun together. I know some do obviously have sex early but if you trust her and have talked through the sex stuff.I would let her go

I agree with erikamaye.

ABetaDad · 03/07/2009 08:39

I very much hope my DSs (now age 9 and 7) will have platonic frienships with girls throughout their whole teenage years. However, it will be a no to mixed sleepovers as sometimes teenagers just get the wrong idea and a small minority can be downright stupid and just need hard boundaries.

Interested, though in this thread as our DSs are fast approaching the age when this kind of question will be asked. Indeed DS2 (7)asked me the other day how a baby actually comes out of woman's body. He is no longer happy with 'they just come out of Mummy's tummy'. Going to have to start wiseing up and becoming a teengager parent pretty fast.

BodenGroupie · 03/07/2009 17:34

My DD is also 13 and I've known her group of friends and their parents since they were 4. At the moment it wouldn't be a problem but I agree with the MNer who said it sets a precedent - I wouldn't be happy about her 15 yr old sister doing it.

She also says that some of the 13 yr olds in her school are already having sex and drinking regularly.

It is lovely that she has boys as friends and I do encourage it in other non-canvas ways!

noddyholder · 03/07/2009 17:35

I had a mini glastonbury in our back garden when ds was 13 Boys and girls tents fires etc and they were fine.I did know all the parents though and we kept an eye on them a fair bit but they didn't seem to mind

GardenersDelight · 03/07/2009 21:03

My younger dd 15 has an even mix of male and female friends and often has or attends mixed sleepovers, I felt worried at first but having seen them all together realise that it is very unlikely any canoodling would be put up with by the rest.I also feel that whilst you might not like it or want to think about it most teenagers will do things you dont mant them to do at some stage I know I did

salbysea · 03/07/2009 21:07

I'd say no - I remember being 13!

Tortington · 03/07/2009 21:10

nah - it'll be inaapropriate petting.

sleep - overs is a misnoma anyway- you won't get any sleep its a fucking nightmare - give em £20 and send em off to pizza hut - save yourself

noddyholder · 03/07/2009 21:32

custy !
Don't be a killjoy these sorts of things are a pita at the time but wonderful memories!When you look back the lack of sleep is forgotten We have had endless sleepovers and parties and it has always been great fun!

Loshad · 03/07/2009 21:38

at 13, the answer's got to be no. Have ttenagers of my own and think this might well be seen as setting a very scary precedent.

lazymumofteenagesons · 03/07/2009 22:05

I've got 2 sons of 17 and 14 (no daughters) and what i've noticed is a very different attitude to mixed sleep overs than when I was their age. They all seem to sleep in large groups in 1 or 2 rooms and there seems to be safety in numbers. Beds appear to be shared by mixed groups which doesn't mean the same as it did all those donkey years ago. They are even quite offended when I suggest its not quite appropriate.

I wouldn't allow just 2 of them at 13 but large nos. are probably safe.

noddyholder · 03/07/2009 22:54

I agree with that completely.

salbysea · 03/07/2009 23:52

lazymum I always looked at my mum in disgust if she tried to talk about sex or boyfriends to me! (still do ) - didnt mean I wasnt doing it! just offended and disgusted that she was trying to talk to me about it

I was allowed to go camp out (in people's gardens) with my whole co-ed class at times - not convinced about safety in numbers At that age, privacy was optional when "doing stuff"

ABetaDad · 04/07/2009 15:11

As I think the above answers illustrate. Teenagers do 'stuff' and cannot be trusted.

Me and DW both went to single sex schools and I don't think missing out on mixed sleepovers damaged us. Anyway, we are kill joys and DSs will thank us for it in the end.

EccentricaGallumbits · 04/07/2009 15:14

Yes.
DD is 13 and has slept over in friends houses and in tents with both girl and boy friends.

I trust her. I know she is sensible. Right now they are all too 'young' to get up to much. I may haave to rethink in a year or so.

Remotew · 05/07/2009 15:40

Come into this thread late but I don't agree that 13 is too young to be getting up to anything. There is 13 and there is 13 and a minority will be having sex and this age.

This situation is arising with us. The teens are camping together, up in the hills, mixed group and totally unsupervised. Some were allowed last year when they were 14. Even at 15 I think it's too young. DD hasn't asked to go so far. There is definitley drinking going on, seen the facebook pics and I suspect sh--ing too.

16 would be ok. We all have to wait to grow up to be allowed to do stuff, best not to encourage what could be risky behaviour. IMHO

iMum · 05/07/2009 15:52

Im not a teenagers mum yet but I have got 3 boys.

With my eldest (8) i have always been very frank with, he knows how babies are made, what sex is and about condoms-I figured I'd rather he knew good solid facts from me rather than playground myths. In any case this approach suits him.

regarding 13 years olds having mixed sleepovers.
I did this and there was drinking and probably a bit of the other going on to, I participated a little but never slept with anyone.
Surley it is par for the course, some kids at 13 will start shagging and others wont. thing is its normal isnt it for kids of that age to want to "explore" and tbh i'd rather it was in a safe environment with friends around and adults too. If you bring your children up to understand the facts then they know what they are getting into, and just because they are having a sleepover with the opposite sex doesn't mean they will have sex.
Of course not having teenagers I could just be talking out of me arse!