anyone online....am sobbing. DD1 wnet to pics with friends, they plied her with alcohol, and the police found her slumped on the beach alone, with no shoes or cardie, compley drunk, and bag stolen

[psychomum5]

containing her purse, mobile and new ipod touch that I bought her with my car accident money.

she is not rousable and shaking or vomiting.

help please

Aww Psyco- glad everything is OK (sort of...) Hope your son's birthday turns out better than yesterday..xx

The hangover and guilt will be a big punishment for her (and the having no money).

I am baffled as to where her friends went, and yes, it isn't their fault, but still with them.

She is 3 yrs earlier than me doing this, but I was a late starter

(Was a bit about the bright idea for goalposts yesterday )

I don't actually agree that it is up to the other parents to deal with the friends. I think it is a really good opportunity to invite the friends over and have a chat with them altogether about how important it is to look out for each other.

Their parents can talk to them about drinking - that's their lookout - but they need to see and understand what happened and how it made everyone feel when they didn't have each other in mind (or got so drunk they couldn't!).

A friend of a friend, sadly, was raped after being left by her friends in a drunken state and the group of friends never really got over that.

They will take risks (experimentin with alcohol, for example) but they need to have some ground rules - even agreed amongst themselves - about how they stay 'safe'.

Hope DS has a good birthday, psychomum.

sound advice there from Reality

With my "incident" my mum didn't bring it up at all tbh (I don't know how much was down to me being that bit older). I was mortified that she had seen me like it (and that she thought I might have taken drugs), the three day hangover was hell. I think me being very sheepish and saying sorry a lot was enough to show that I felt terrible about it and would only do it once more wouldn't do it again

i presume her friends were drunk as well
i really don't think you can hold a couple of pissed teenagers responsible for your dd
what a horrible shock for you, and so glad nothing worse happened to her
but it is her job to look after herself and makes sure that she has safe amounts to drink and knows where she is going - not her friends' job
in an ideal world there would be a sensible friend there who took care of her - but most 15 year olds are pretty daft, and when they have all been drinking....
it really was your dd's responsibility - you seem to be assessing the situation as if she is a child and the rest are adults

psycho - like you my natural reaction is to be furious and ground them. It doesn't work. You're going to have to try to keep to the really disappointed with your behaviour (note not you) line. Teenagers expect to be grounded after such behaviour - why not try to discuss with her what she feels would be a reasonable response to her behaviour?

What a relief that she is home safe and sound (apart from the hangover she'll hopefully have)

I agree with Ladida and Reality about how to deal with it (but in years to come, when mine are teenagers I'll probably be heard ranting at them!). The 'disappointment' card always worked for me when younger.

Hope you have a good birthday celebration today.

How scarey for you, hope your DS has a lovely day. x

It's pretty easy to get separated from your friends when you are drunk. That's apparently what happened here. I think the focus on the friends from some posters is kind of ridiculous. The fact that they didn't manage to stay together is one of the many dangerous consequences of getting so drunk.

I used to live near an area where young people went out to get pissed. I often found semi-conscious youngsters with no idea of where their friends were. It's part of the "fun" - wandering off in search of new people to talk to and being too out of it to find your way back (if your friends are evev there any more).

Unless you operate a system where one person stays sober to look after the rest, this is to be expected. Presumably if they had the cop on to know this they might have thought twice about drinking so much in the first place.

Are you sure it wasn't your DD's friends who stole her stuff? Not trying to alarm you, but that was the first thing I thought when I read your post, but then I was bullied very badly in high school. Getting someone very drunk, dumping them after stealing their stuff was all pretty par for the course. Check that first, before you have a go at her for breach of trust.

Are you sure her purse was stolen & not lost?

Can I just say that I know at least one of the friends, which is why I am surprised at the not staying together etc. I would be angry with Psychogirl1 if it had been the friend found too. It is not like them to split up.

so sorry to hear what happened to you dd

least she is home safe and sound now

most of us on here have prob done the same and got drunk under age, though most of us in that situation prob havent been left alone

agree let your dd know how scared you were and you are cross, but also tell her you love her, and let her earn your trust again

I wasn't suggesting the friends are to blame, btw...just think it is a good opportunity to help them understand about safety in numbers at this age!

I agree, it is 'normal' teenage behaviour and I was certainly guilty of both the excess drinking and losing friends, until the incident I mentioned above happened. We then made an agreement to always have one person who didn't drink (or so much!) and that we knew where each other was staying that night, which worked for about a year, then we thought we were far too sophisticated for hanging around streets

eek! Glad to hear dd is ok.

Don't know what to suggest really but you do need to prepare them to cope better with situations of this type (going out and drinking basically) in future. I think all the kids and their dp need to have a serious not necessarily nasty but very clear and firm chat about what could have gone drastically wrong here and where they slipped up and what to do in future to make sure everyone who goes out gets safe back to their respective homes (at the very least really). That dad who is a police officer could be a big help with that.

A 15 year old girl lying drunk and defenseless on a beach at night is a very bad scenario, two 15 year old girls staggering about drunk and not knowing who is where and what they are doing is not much better.

This all lies ahead for me in the frightening future. Gawd. Good luck with it.

how awful psycho

would echo those who say dont come down too hard on her, it is a teenage thing!

yes it was wrong and she knows that and is probably ashamed beyond belief.

The way she was found is upsetting, but I hope it teaches them all a lesson

slightly calmer me here now.

have spoken to the other mum, and been to see her with DD1, as DD1's friend was in a complete state....she had thought her friend possibly raped and murdered, and until she saw her was not settling! I am not blaming anyone. they were all in it together (ie, the lying to us about where they were going and the getting alcohol, and lets be honest, we all do it at some point), they made a huge mistake in how it ended up, and my DD was the one who came off the worst.

I have had a sobbing fit on J (friends mum), and DD1 has seen how upset I am, and why (ie, the going missing and being found by the police in whatever state), plus I have finally got thru to her that the scariest part is that the state she was in could well have led to something truly tragic happening.

I have also pointed out to her that my reaction stems from my love, and as disapointed I am in her for the lying, I still love her and it will be gotten thru as I calm down further.

punishment wise..........she has lost her phone and ipod, she has seen my terror and her friends terror, and she feels really really ill. she is grounded for the half-term, and then we will build back up slowly with the going out and curfews etc. I don;t think she will ever do this again somehow tho!

oh, and she is going to have half-pocket money for a while to pay for a new phone, the ipod should be covered on insurance

still, one way to look at this. I have survived my first real drunken episode with a teen

oh, and other friend.....she has gone away on hols this monring, hence why I have not mentioned her.

am really hoping the hang-over for her is punishment

Trinity sent me a link to this so I could send

Am dreading when our kids get to that age and want to experiment!

But as you say Psycho it's the lying to you that hurts, glad she is ok, as you said it could have been loads worse, she will probably not want to drink ever again.

again.

Psycho, sounds like you are dealing very well with this, and hope you won't have any more "trouble" with her.

Hope that your ds has a good birthday, despite everything!

glad she is ok and you seem to be coping very well

doubt she will ever do it again, it has probably shocked her as much as it has you!

I think you've handled this remarkably well and no doubt all concerned will think twice about doing it again. Hope your DS has a very Happy Birthday.

Lord what a horrible night for you all.

I think you have handled this incredibly well.

Glad all is well in the Psycho household this morning and happy brithday to DS, I assume he won't be drinking for a while after seeing his sister in such a state

You sound as though you are dealing with it excellently hopefully lessons are learnt from now on!!!